Searching for Understanding

I believe my last post was about my nephew passing away.  And I want to say a huge thank you to those of you who reposted it and responded so lovingly and quickly to our plea for help.  Thanks to your support, we received exactly the amount we needed to cover his funeral expenses.  It was truly a miracle - almost the moment we had "sufficient for our needs," the donations stopped coming in.  What a tender love note from Heavenly Father that He sent via so many family members and friends.

As Abby and Isaac have tried to understand what happened to Jared, and since they are a little older this time around than they were when my Grandma passed away a year ago, we have had a few discussions with them about the Resurrection, where Jared is, and that they will see him again. 

The other night before family prayer, we asked the kids to please remember to bless Uncle Orlan and Aunt Cindy and Kameron because they were having a hard time after losing Jared.  Abby said, "Where is Jared, Mom?"  We explained that he was in heaven.  Isaac asked, "Did he die from a gun, Mommy?" No - he was sick, very sick, and his body needed a rest for a while.  So Heavenly Father decided to take him home to live with Him again.  Abby asked what was going to happen to him.  We explained that Jesus died and was resurrected again - which means that He lived after He died and Jared and Great-Grandma and everyone else who died would live again, too.

Abby: How's he going to do that?  How's he going to live again?
Me: Jesus will bring his spirit back to his body and he will be alive again, just like he was before.
Abby: But what about the box, Mom?  How will he get out of the box?
Me: It isn't locked, Abby - Jesus can open it for him to get out.
Abby: Oh.

Then we had prayer, and this was Abby's prayer:
"Heavenly Father, thank you for this day, thank you that Jesus will bring Jared back and open the box, and please bless that he can come back soon so Orlan won't be sad."

Man, they think about everything, don't they?  Tonight she remembered them again - no discussion prompting her this time.  Her prayer went something like this:
"Heavenly Father, thank you for this day, please bless that Heavenly Father will take his two hands and put them on Jared's head and that Jared can come back home soon.  Please bless Uncle Orlan and Aunt Cindy that they won't be sad anymore."  And Isaac asked the same thing - that Jared could come back now and that everyone would be happy again.

I think I take for granted at times the fact that I truly know that death is not the end.  I remember having some probing questions when my grandpa passed away -- but to hear the questions and the thoughtful, sincere prayers of my children as their three-year-old brains search for answers . . . it has really touched my heart on a deeper level.  I am thankful that death is not the end.  I wish that the pain was easily erased and that the resurrection could happen tomorrow so there wouldn't be sadness or loss or pain.  And I am thankful for the strong spiritual connection I feel from their simple prayers as they seek for understanding.  I have no doubt that Jared has found a peace he has not had for a very long time!  And I pray for that same peace and those same hands to come down and bless his family as they work through the loss, the longing, and the pain.

At Jared's funeral, Orlan wanted so badly to sing "In the Hollow of Thy Hand," which was a favorite of his and Jared's and which he had dreamed of singing at Jared's mission farewell someday (before the strokes made it impossible).  But he knew he couldn't do it alone, so my sisters and I sang with him.  Bless his heart, he made it through the first verse, a prayer to heaven as his son accepted a call home and walks a new path, fulfilling in many ways the mission he always dreamed of fulfilling here on earth and gaining understanding that his brain did not allow him to gain during his life.  For the second verse, we re-wrote it as a prayer for the family, that the Lord would hold them (us) in the Hollow of His hands as we work through it all and move forward.  I am putting the revision here, more for us to look back and remember and in hopes that reading it will bring peace and direction to the family for years to come.

"In the Hollow of Thy Hand" 

By Janice Kapp Perry, Revised for Jared Orlan White's Funeral

Dear Lord who blesses us with love, please send this day Thy Spirit from Above.
As this Thy Son accepts a call from Thee, help him we pray, in great humility.
Direct his footsteps every day, and keep him ever walking in Thy way;
Inspire him as he spreads the Gospel plan . . . Lord, hold him in the hollow of Thy hand.

In the hollow of Thy hand as he grows from boy to man, 
Help his understanding deepen and increase.
In the hollow of Thy hand as he grows from boy to man, 
May he know the special blessing of Thy peace.

Dear Lord who hears and answers prayers, please keep this family always in Thy care
As we prepare to be with him again, please keep us tuned to Thy eternal Plan.
Protect us from all worldly ways, and always send Thy Spirit when we pray.
Give us the courage to return again; please hold him in the hollow of Thy hand.

In the hollow of Thy hand as he grows from boy to man, 
Help his understanding deepen and increase.
In the hollow of Thy hand as he grows from boy to man, 
May he know the special blessing of Thy peace.

As we face this greater plan, and we strive to understand,
Give us shelter in the hollow of Thy hand.

First Solo, First Talk

We have set a goal to read the Book of Mormon as a family this year and learn the Articles of Faith.  The kids have done AMAZINGLY with the Articles of Faith.  I decided with my two, the best way to teach them would be through the songs.  Since we sing a song every night with family prayer, stories, and scriptures, it fit in perfectly!  They learned the first one in two weeks.  Then the second.  But in that time, we had a lot of sickness, so today was their first Sunday at church to pass off their Articles of Faith. 

Abby got up and stood there for a second, and then I moved to the front row and said, "Just sing it so you don't forget - "We Be-" and she took off!  She sang the first article of faith, everyone laughed at how cute it was, and . . . WOW!  I realized that Abby sang her first solo.  She was so confident and so proud and did so well.  It really almost made me cry.

Then Isaac got up to do his first article of faith.  At that moment, they were trying to wind things down and kind of hurrying through everything.  So I think he could feel that.  At the same time, he asks every week to stand up and talk at the microphone like the other kids.  SO when he finally GOT to get up to the microphone -- he laughed and smiled and then I told him the same as Abby.  But he tried to say it instead.  Probably because all the other kids did.  "We believe in God the Eternal Fader and Jesus Christ and I love my mom and dad and . . ." By then everyone was laughing, and so was Isaac, and the Primary President told him to sit down that he could try again next week. 

Hopefully there's more time this week and they can do the first and second -- and then I'll feel better about moving onto the third and not having so many "song choices" that start with "We Believe" running through their little heads. 

I couldn't be more proud of my kids!

Best Morning EVER!!!

This morning, Abby and Isaac tiptoed into my room, whispering because they could see I was still "asleep." They climbed up on my bed, and Isaac gave me the sweetest kiss. Then he sat back and Abby leaned forward and gave me a kiss as well. They both started giggling and then said, "Shhhhh!!!" And Isaac leaned forward and gave me another kiss. I half opened my eyes and said, "Good morning!!!" And Isaac said, "Morning, Mom! Did you sleep well?" We hugged and talked and then I asked them if they would please go and play for a while until Daddy got out of the shower because I was really, really tired this morning. They said, "Sure!" and off they ran to play.

A few minutes later, they came in, singing "Jingle Bells" at the top of their lungs. Without opening my eyes, I said, "Can you guys please sing a little bit softer?" And they complied and finished their song. Before I knew it, they had climbed up on the bed, each of them holding one side of the base to their blocks, and Isaac said, "Mommy! Look! We brought you BREAKFAST!!!" I opened my eyes, "You brought me breakfast in bed? Wow! THANK YOU!" They were VERY pleased with themselves and simultaneously said, "You're welcome!" Then Isaac said, "You have to eat it, Mommy - it's apples . . . and MARSHMALLOWS!" I smiled again as Abby said, "And . . . chicken?" Isaac answered, "No! Not chicken! It's a yummy breakfast! Just apples and marshmallows! Eat it, Mom!" Abby said, "Oh!" and I said, "Thank you!" and we hugged and laughed as I "ate" my yummy breakfast! Then they ran off to play, content as content could be.

Wow! Mornings like these really make me wonder how I ever got SOOOO incredibly lucky!

King Negotiator

Isaac: Mom, it my turn to choose a movie.
Me: No, Isaac - I already said that after this movie we would watch ONE Leap Frog and then be done.
Isaac: How 'bout one Leap Frog and one Dinosaur Train?
Me: How 'bout one Leap Frog and no more movies?
(repeat that exchange five or six times)
Me: How 'bout one Leap Frog or NO more movies?
Isaac: How 'bout one Leap Frog and one Dinosaur Train?
Me: How 'bout no more movies?
Isaac: Mommy, look, (he holds his hands out in front of him for emphasis) we need to watch one Leap Frog (extends right pointer finger), but there's still ONE MORE Dinosaur Train (extends left pointer finger, like the fact that he has TWO HANDS with pointer fingers somehow SEALS THE DEAL and ends the conversation on whether we need to watch TWO movies).
Me: So no more movies?
Isaac: How 'bout one more Dinosaur Train?

He KILLS me!  But I'm getting better at "labeling."  So instead of him being incredibly stubborn and hard-headed, he's a "good negotiator" (who most often loses, I might add -- though maybe not as often as I like to think because he sure doesn't give in any sooner as time wears on); and instead of Abby being "my child" (thanks, Dave) when she makes big messes, she's "incredibly creative, just like her Mom"!

My kids' conversation this morning as they waited for me to come open their doors.
Abby: Mommy, please let me out, I wake up!
Isaac: Abby, Mommy sleeping!
Abby: Oh.  I think Daddy at church.
Isaac: I think Daddy at work.
Abby:  How we gonna get out of here?
Isaac: We need find way out, out of with these scary ghosts!
Abby: But we can't open the dooo-ooor!  Isaac.  What we do get out?
Isaac: I no know, Ab. I need get out scary ghosts.
Abby: (silence)
Isaac: AHHHH!!!!  Abby! A scary shark - look, look!  Ahhhh! (makes scary shark noises)
Abby: A scary SHARK?
Isaac: Yeah! (laughing)
Abby: Isaac, just turn yo light on and play with yo toys!
Isaac: (More scary shark noises.)

They could go on forever!!!!  It's kind of fun sometimes to just sit back and listen.  But of course, being the good mom that I am, even when they wake up an hour and a half early, I didn't make them keep up with their long-distance relationship for long! :-)

Sleepless in California

I'm having a hard time sleeping tonight. Probably because Brianna was having a hard time sleeping and I fell asleep with her at 8:30 and then woke up at midnight to an adrenaline rush from killing a huge cockroach in my bathroom!  But whatever the reason . . . here are some things on my mind:

• I love rainstorms.  A really good rainstorm has always taken me back to Ricks College and dancing in the parking lot with my roommates, drenched through and through and LOVING it, splashing each other with mud puddles, laughing our heads off each and every time.  Today, though, I got a new rain memory.  My two-year-olds hearing the rain while they played in their room and running through the house to the back sliding glass door, anxiously asking me to please open the blinds and screaming with excitement as large raindrops turned to large puddles, which turned to a large-though-shallow lake across our patio, which turned to large splashes in the lake.  And once Brianna heard them, she crawled in as fast as she could and squealed with them, standing up next to the window, tapping the glass and laughing in excitement!  Once it was over, nothing could keep those two inside!  They begged me to let them jump on the trampoline, and after stripping them down to their diapers and pulling Abby's hair up, out they went!  They literally played until the huge 1" deep lake was all dried up.  And that memory - of them splashing and kicking water at each other, crawling under the trampoline and back out, throwing water from their little cup all over each other, stomping and squealing with glee and surprise every time they got splashed, etc. - will always bring a smile to my face!
• I love a clean house!  In fact, there are few things that make me happier than sitting in my house with nothing to clean, enjoying the order and spirit and freshness and liberation of it all!
• Tonight we read a few books on the sofa together - just me and my twins!  I treasure those moments! It never ceases to amaze me how much they are like little sponges, wanting to interact and interface with everything in sight!  They would seriously jump into every book we ever read if they could.  And they already ask questions to understand the story/pictures better -- but then again, Dr. Seuss invites questions sometimes, doesn't he? ;-D  And as we read the ABC book in English and I had them repeat the words in Spanish and they scurried off to find any objects in the book that they have in real life, I just smiled!  Our nighttime song tonight was "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" because X stands for Xylophone and they ran and got their xylophone - and that's the only song I have sat down to learn how to play on it!  And since they threw the stick under the stove where it just might stay forever . . . we played it with the hooves of Abby's "Forsey" (horsey).
• I'll never get over cockroaches, no matter how many times I have to kill them - big or "small" (less big, but still BIG).  I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I hate them.  And I know this is an irrational feeling towards such strange little bugs . . . but I really stopped caring a long time ago!  Yep - I am SOOOO over the fact that my hate is irrational!  And hate it truly, truly, truly is!
• Simplicity.  Oh the power of that word!  I have grown to LOVE and SEEK simplicity!  Easy dinner of sliced lettuce, diced grilled chicken, cottage cheese, and salsa - sign me up!  Can I use the same plate and cup and utensils all day to avoid a ton of dishes?  Yes, yes I can!  Can I pack away clothes that are cute but we really don't need and/or get around to wearing and I realize that having them just gives me excuses to put off doing laundry and more laundry to do when I finally get around to it?  Yes, actually!  And I do so with GLEE!!!  Do I pack away toys that the kids only play with when they're throwing them out of the toy box in search of the toys they really want and I find myself spending more time cleaning them up than the kids spent dumping them out?  I do, I do, I really do!  And I don't feel bad when they discover the boxes/bags of said toys and throw a tantrum because I won't open them up and let them dump them all over the room/house again.  Nope - not one bit.  Why?  Because simplicity frees me up to enjoy more things - like story time on the sofa with my kids because dinner didn't take an hour to clean up after and the toys didn't take an extra fifteen minutes to get them to clean up after.  And it frees me to hold Brianna's hand and walk down the hall or across the room with her a few more times during the day.  And it lets me sit unabashed and watch my kids play in the water outside or *gulp* - and I'm still perfecting this one - go out and play WITH them.  And at the end of the day . . . everyone is just that much happier!
• Brianna . . . oh my dear little angel girl!  There is only one room in the house she is really outlawed from entering un-accompanied.  And it is precisely that room that she hovers outside of in unsuspecting moments and crawls toward as fast as she can whenever she sees the open door opportunity, letting out squeals of delight that give her away and let me intercept her just as she finally makes it in: the Bathroom!  And today, she just started clapping and smiling whenever she hears someone say yay!  And we played like that for a while, me pretending to ignore her and then randomly screaming, "Yay!" and her face lighting up as she realized that was her cue to start clapping again!  It was really a fun game!  One I got a very tired girl to repeat for Daddy after much prodding at the dinner table tonight.  Now we're working on "Hip-hip Hooray!" with her arms high above her head!  And by working on it I mean that it's my focus of playtime tomorrow!
• We bought all the stuff to make these really cute 4th of July 'Smore suckers I saw on The Idea Room website.  We invited people over to join the fun.  We made the 'smores and we melted the chocolate.  And it didn't melt like we had thought it would.  So Dave added some milk to smooth it out/liquify it a bit more so we could dip the 'smores in it and . . . you are already laughing?  So you realize that you should NEVER add milk to melted chocolate?  Why didn't you tell me?  And next time, we will freeze the 'smores and then stick the sticker stick in them and THEN try dipping them in our non-milky milk chocolate dipping sauce.  It'll be fabulous enough to take pictures!!!  And no, we didn't throw the chocolate out.  Dave is freezing it for one day in the future when we aren't on a no-sugar-besides-on-holidays kick and he can make his chocolate praline pecan cheesecake for some lucky friends to enjoy with us.  I really can't wait!
• I really love brushing my teeth!  In fact, if I had time to brush my teeth five times a day, just to have that fresh, minty, clean feeling all day long, I would totally do it!  Well, if I wasn't watching money like a hawk and felt that doing so was quite unnecessary and even potentially wasteful.  Cuz I would think of something like that. :-)
• Budgeting.  If budgeting were chocolate, my sister would be an addict.  And I would be the one sitting by, watching her eat, licking my lips and wishing I could have a bite - a morsel - a lick even some days!  But today I spent hours - for the umpteenth time this year - trying to work out a budget for the next year.  Knock on wood because EVERY SINGLE TIME I have done this in the last six months, something has happened that required enough money to completely blow my budget out of the water and send me back to the drawing board, resigned to the fact that we would never have money in savings again!  But this time -- this time I really hope it sticks!  We're trying to get back to grad school, hoping to move back to northern Idaho/Eastern Washington in the process and - try as I may to get around it - moving and grad school mean lots of sacrifices and money!  So I'm praying we can cut and shave and pinch and sell and make it. 
• Friends are like . . . well there are a lot of phrases I could use to end that statement.  Chocolate. A sunny afternoon. A walk on the beach.  A pile of clean laundry.  But tonight I am thinking that friends are just plain good to have.  Cuz I'm a "people who need people" person, not gonna lie!  And not having people could quite possibly be one of the hardest things for me in this world!  And by people I mean friends!  Maybe it's because I fear that I could pass through an entire stage of my life completely unnoticed, no one caring I was there or missing my presence when I left.  I think anywhere you go, everywhere you live, everything you do, etc. - you need real friends.  Even if it is just one.  One golden friend who will accept you for who you are, not judge you when your house is a mess or your kids are bouncing off the walls and ceiling and kitchen sink and . . . . One golden friend who truly cares about what you are doing during the day, even if it really isn't anything at all.  One friend you are comfortable having drop by your house when you're still in your pajamas at 3:00 in the afternoon and your kids are running around in nothing but diapers or perched on the sofa watching Dora the Explorer for the fifth time that day.  Better still, one you can drop in on without feeling like an imposition, even if you might be one at the moment.  One golden friend who you gladly let use your bathroom without worrying that the entire world will hear that your toilet hasn't been cleaned in a while - or make microwave popcorn with without worrying that the spaghetti-splatted microwave you didn't have time to stop and clean in the moment and consequently haven't had triple the time to clean since will get you "the look".  And definitely a friend you can spend holidays with and, more importantly, cry with.  And after typing this I just realized that I am married to him.  And that makes me smile.  But that means I also have to change this entire paragraph to TWO friends!  You need TWO such friends! :-)

The Things You Say . . . are Unforgettable!

Abby and Isaac got started on our long haul to update them on their shots about two weeks ago now.  Isaac had the HARDEST time - I could hear him screaming in the waiting room!  Abby did a lot better.  Dave said she cried, but she handled it in stride and didn't even have to be "wrestled" to the table.  When Isaac and I went back in to get Abby -- first of all, I was VERY impressed that Isaac went back in.  He was actually REALLY concerned about Abby and Brianna.  And then I saw Abby and gave her a hug and she said, "Mommy - that doctor not very nice!  He NOT listen and obey!" Of course we had the talk that the doctor didn't hurt them, the shots did; but the shots are to help them not get sick.  But it was SO cute the way her mind worked!

The other night we were kneeling for prayer.  Isaac wanted his shark!  And of course, we don't have toys during prayer time.  But it really disturbed him that he didn't know where to find it and we wouldn't just jump up and go look for it for him.  Finally he calmed down for prayer.  Daddy prayed, Abby prayed, and when it was Isaac's turn he simply said, "Heavenly Father - I very sad - name of Jesus Kist, amen."  After that, we searched the whole house over to find that shark!

Abby and Isaac were eating dinner last night. We have a rule now that we sit at the table for a half hour with them.  Then, if they don't want to eat - they can get down.  And if they want to keep eating, they can but we can then get up and start cleaning up.  It saves a LOT of contention and just makes the whole mealtime experience feel so much nicer!  As I loaded the dishwasher, Isaac was done and got down and started to play.  Abby was not, however, and WANTED to keep eating.  But Isaac started taunting her with his toys, trying to get her to come and chase him and play with him.  She scolded him for that, "No - Isaac - I still eating, Isaac!"  Then he grabbed her favorite toy -- her horsey!  And she fell apart.  Through her tears, once I got her to settle down a little bit, she told him, "Isaac - you makin' me sad!"

I was having a hard time finding something to wear this morning for church -- yep, still fighting through those fun pregnancy pounds!!!  At one point, I tried on something and yelled when it didn't fit.  Isaac was in the bathroom and said, "Uh-oh.  What happened?"  I told him that I couldn't find anything to wear because nothing was fitting me.  He pointed to a skirt and said, "How 'bout THIS one?"  I said, "This one?" and pointed to it.  He said, "Yep - yes. There you go, Mommy!  It fit you!"  His triumphant smile was unforgettable!!!  He just KNEW he had solved all my problems and was the best son in the world for having done it.  Of course, it also made me smile!

As I got ready for church today, Isaac and Abby came into the closet singing, "Follow the Prophet" as they followed each other in circles around me.  Then Isaac took the blocks he was holding in his hand and put them, one on top of the other, on the counter next to me.  He got really excited and yelled, "Look, Mommy!  Temple!"  I said, "Is that the temple?" half laughing at his creativity.  And he smiled that "I'm so proud of myself" smile and said, "Yep - that's the temple!" and then laughed like he had said the funniest thing in the world - then he left.  A few minutes later he came back in and said, "Mommy, please make-em Isaac hair handsome."  And so we did!

Dave decided we were going to camp in our back yard, since we have been rained out and stormed out and distanced out of every other camping trip we have planned in the last few months.  He took a VERY proud Isaac out back to help him set up the tent.  And that became a fun fort for the rest of the day!  Then, just before dinner, we were going out to grill chicken sausages and noticed the VERY dark, looming clouds!  Another one bites the dust!  But we're determined!  We'll make it one of these times!

We Like to Potty -- We Like, We Like to Potty

When my brother was potty training his second son, he was also a disc jockey for dances.  I remember one night the song that goes, "We like to party -- we like, we like to party" came on the radio, and he was over and said that was Jared's theme song for potty training him.  Party became potty and - viola!  Kids LOVE things like that!

Fast forward a few years and it's my turn.  While I was at my mom's house, my sister decided to spearhead this potty-training movement and took Abby to the potty.  Then she sang a little song that went something like, "Abby went pee-pee in the potty, Abby went pee-pee in the potty."  Well -- Abby remembered that song and began singing it at random times.  The other half of that story is that Abby subsequently (in the same hour) went pee-pee in the potty again, on the wood floor, and in front of the front door.  And that ended that potty-training movement as my frustrated sister declared she was done and returned Abby's diaper to her bottom.

Well - we decided to take it on full force this weekend.  I was a little skeptical, but Dave had done some research and read that it only took a few days for them to get the hang of it, and since we had a few days in this two-day weekend, we declared today the first day of the first ever Chaffee Family Potty Training Weekend!

How did it go?  Pretty well.  We learned that it is best to begin these kinds of things when your child is well-rested/has had a good night's sleep the night before.  Otherwise you get temper tantrums and/or meltdowns every time you suggest they try to go to the bathroom in the toilet.  But once Abby got into it and Isaac was denied candy the first two times that Abby got it, he decided to jump on board!  And the rest of the day went really, really well.

We decided to strip them down to nothing, fill them up with all sorts of liquids (soda pop, fruit juice, fruit smoothies, water, chocolate milk - you name it), and offer them candy (peanut M&M's or Jelly Belly's) every time they used the bathroom.  Oh, and we locked them in the kitchen for all the time between potty uses to take advantage of the easy-clean tile floors. We set the timer for 10 minutes and took them excitedly to the bathroom every ten minutes, whether they actually went or not. We didn't get training toilets, I just bought some little stools for them to use to get up to the toilet and to get up to the sink to wash their hands.  In between potty attempts/successes/accidents, they took baths, watched movies, colored, played with blocks, drew on their chalkboards, and jumped on the trampoline! (We got a picture of them on the trampoline -- it was really cute . . . until Isaac's stomach decided it had HAD it with sugar and he threw up all over everything.  Good thing he was on the trampoline, right?  Dave hosed the tramp and the twins down, they came inside, and we resumed schedule as if nothing had happened - well, we actually cut back to one piece of candy instead of two and offered them water to drink for the rest of the afternoon.)

The results of day 1: Isaac asked to go potty. Abby got to the point she wouldn't let you take her off of the toilet until she had gone potty and gotten a piece of candy.  In fact, we had to lock Abby out of the bathroom to KEEP her from trying to go potty and washing her hands a million times in a row.  I think that's a pretty good sign.

So all we have to do is get through church tomorrow and hit it hard again for the afternoon/evening. 

Next week -- well, since Dave will be gone, I decided to keep this naked time going (cuz it is SOOOOO EASY to clean up messes on tile floors and not have to spend a ton of time scrubbing out clothes for the time being).  I made a sticker chart to replace candy - partially because they aren't that used to getting candy around here and I'm not a huge fan of giving kids even sugar-free candy on a REGULAR basis and partially because I think the candy thing gets a little old and doesn't really build up to anything bigger to keep them going.  So I'm going to make a trip to the dollar store with them and let them pick out a few prizes - and when they fill up each line of the sticker chart, they have met a goal and get a prize.  I have seven lines - seven goals - seven prizes, and probably seven days of potty-training goodness.  That will take us to the next weekend when Daddy is home and we can - together - transition to big-kid underwear! Yay!

Please, Mom

Abby in the middle of the night last night: Mom - Beenana cwying.  Please feed her, mom.  Mom?  Please, mom - please feed her!

Me: I'm working on it, Ab - thanks for worrying so much about her.  Now go back to sleep.

Abby: Okay, Mom.  Goodnight, Mom!  I love you, Momma!

Me: I love you, too, Abby!

What a sweetie!

Isaac this mornin with a hair claw in his hand - he walked up to me and said, "Mom - what's that?" as he tried to pinch it onto my skin.
Me: Ow, Isaac - that hurts!
Isaac, as he pats my arm: Sorry Mom - sorry!

Isaac in my brother's arms just before they closed the casket this morning - my brother sobbing: Uh-oh.  What the matter? It okay, Owun - it okay!
He wiped his cheek with his hand and patted his arm.

What a sweetie!

Moments after I found out my grandma was going to pass away in a matter of hours, I walked into the kitchen behind my children - both headed eagerly to the pantry to get their Vitamin C.  I was sobbing.  Their eager shrills of excitement stopped abruptly when they turned around and saw the uncontrollable tears streaming down my cheeks.

Abby: Uh-oh!  Mommy - what happen?  You okay?  C'mere. It okay, sweetie!  It okay!
She gave me a huge, tender bear hug and put her cheek against mine as she took her little hand to wipe the tears away.  I smiled/laughed and gave her a big hug and said thank you!

Isaac: Mom - it's okay, Mommy!  It's okay.  What wong?

Me: Guys, Great-grandma is really sick.  She's at the hospital with the doctors, but she is really sick.  Really sick.

Abby (very matter-of-factly): Gate gamma sick - need to go doctor.  Her ear hurt - need medicine.  Need go doctor.

I laughed and said, "She is at the doctor, Abby, but it looks like she is going to go to live with Heavenly Father for a while to wait for us in heaven."

Abby took a second to process it and then said, "Mom - lets go - lets go find him [her]."

They are so great!  I love them so much!

Tidal Waves and Twinkies

You know, every now and then you have that overwhelming feeling of gratitude wash over you like a tidal wave - covering you, immersing you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.  Today is such a day for me.  I have quite a few friends -- like it should be FRIGHTENING to you if you are my friend because I have so many friends who are having or have had twins in the last few years.  And three of them have had pre-term labor, bed rest, and/or early births with their babies.  As much as I thought in the moment that I - emphasis on the I - would have given anything to have my twins early, experience has taught me that the GREATEST blessing was that I DIDN'T.  And now that I have my twins and know the ups and downs and ins and outs and years of sleepless nights and double trouble/double fun moments lie ahead of all of my dear friends, I am kicking myself that we live so far away from them and can't do a thing.  Not one of the many small things that I would have given ANYTHING to have people do for me - and was thankful beyond words when one of them actually did. 

So that brings me to the present and makes me look around and try to see who around me is having a pre-term twin labor/birth moment in their owns special way, who is praying that someone will scrub out their kitchen sink or rescue them from another monotonous night of dinner and dishes, give them an easy night so their husband can just be their husband when they get home from work instead of a mommy/daddy twinkie pack, picking up all the work of two while wrapped in just on tight package.  I'm seeing a few dinner drop-offs in the near future -- probably tonight because my own twinkie-pack husband is home all day and gives me the flexibility/option to get out and do more than I can when he isn't.

Plato said that you should be kind to those around you because everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle!

'Nough said, huh? ;-D  So now I'm signing off to roll with these tidal waves and ease the weight placed on some tough but not invincible twinkies out there.

Give a Twin an Unsupervised Mili-Second

I stepped away with Brianna to check my e-mail and came back to the twins sitting INSIDE my entertainment center.  Not a small feat, it's like three stories up to get there.  Seriously, give a twin a millisecond and you've given her time to recruit backup from her brother and get into all sorts of trouble. And I use her deliberately here because Abby is generally the fearless instigator and Isaac the eager follower!  Seriously, the two of them together are monkeys that know no bounds! :-)  I would have grabbed a picture if I weren't so worried about one of them falling or pushing the television screen in (fears rising in that order, of course!).

When Daddy Comes Home

I don't know if I've ever written a post about this or not, because it somehow seems familiar to me.  Maybe I've just written it a few times in my head.

This is a tribute to David as Daddy in our home.  My children LOVE him.  They really, really love him.  And it's no wonder why - he's a pretty lovable guy.  But what has hit me lately is how much he is a PART of them.  There's the age-old debate about whether we are more of a consequence of nature or nurture.  And I don't know that it is an either/or answer.  But I definitely see and feel the nurture part of David in my children.

For example, it's prayer time.  The kids are ti-i-red, and so are we.  As we round up overnight diapers and pajamas and milk and scriptures, they sometimes get more and more rowdy by the second.  Pretty soon, they are running around the house, jumping on their beds, and - BAM - Abby tackles Isaac, screaming, "Tackle" and laughing as loud as she can.  Isaac reacts in one of two ways: He laughs OR he cries.  Not a real cry, but a cry that he thinks is going to get him attention, or at least annoy his sister who just literally PINNED him to the ground in a millisecond!  Abby's reaction to him laughing or crying is usually the same - tackle him again as fast as she can and let out yet another squeal of triumph!

She gets that from Daddy.

Or when Abby and Isaac are mutually playing tackle and loving it.  Suddenly, Isaac lifts Abby's shirt up and bites her on the stomach.  Initial reaction of most toddler mom's: Biting stage, explain biting is wrong, have some sort of punishment, and hope it sticks in.  Not so in our house.  That WAS my initial reaction until an image flashed before my eyes as I was moving to act on my impulse.  The image was one of Daddy coming home from work, tackling the kids, then scooping them up in his arms and pretending to eat them like corn on the cob, tickling their sides with his teeth in the process.

He learned that from Daddy. He's a little sketchy in the particulars, but the general idea was right there.

Or when you're sitting on the sofa, feeding a newborn or reading or typing or whatever.  Suddenly Abby comes up and starts to tickle you as hard and as fast as she can, yelling, "Tickle, tickle, tickle!"  Mostly it hurts, but the concept is there.  And she's laughing as if she were the one being tickled the whole time she's doing it.

She gets tickle wars from Daddy.

Or when we're sitting at the dinner table tonight and Abby, who asked me to help her eat her food, begins to chant, "Chuga tuga tuga tuga woo woo" as I go to put food in her mouth.  Then, just as I'm about to put the spoon into her mouth, she yells, "Stop!  No!  Horsey! Ee up Ee up Ee up -- (whinnies) Ee up Ee up Ee up -- (whinnies)."

She gets that mostly from Daddy.

Or when you go to put food in Isaac's mouth and he pretends to take a big bite and then chew it - over-emphasized chewing of the food that is still sitting on the spoon.  Yes, that also comes from Daddy when Daddy is trying to get them to eat and says, "Okay - Daddy take a bite, Isaac take a bite.  Ready, Daddy (insert fake bite and exaggerated chewing) - and now Isaac (typically insert real bite and chewing -- until recently when he figured it out)."  And he does it with that teasing, silently laughing twinkle in his eye.  He gets that one from Daddy as well.

My kids have the gift of laughter.  And they get a LOT of it from their Daddy!  He plays with them, teases them, wrestles with them. tackles them, tickles them, and loves, loves, loves them.  And seeing and feeling HIM in THEM always makes me smile . . . or laugh . . . (or cry when they get a little TOO into their rough and tumble play).  But always makes me so grateful that they have a daddy like him!

Tale as Old as Time . . .

First of all, super cute moment.  I was expecting Abby to catch onto the whole breastfeeding thing.  And sure enough, she has become a little Mommy to her two babies.  One's name is Marie and the other is named Dollie (of course, right?).  Anyway, she hops into bed next to me or onto the sofa or wherever I am and feeds her babies every time I feed Brianna.  What I hadn't thought about was Isaac picking up on it.  But he has become quite the jealous little man!  He looks for opportunities to steal Abby's babies (which, of course, is like ripping her HEART out and stomping on it 1,000 times), and though sometimes he is trying to upset her for attention, sometimes I think he is just plain jealous.  And today, while I was feeding Brianna and Abby was feeding Dollie, Isaac snatched Marie out of Abby's other hand and lifted up his shirt and started to feed her.  As Abby told David tonight, "Isaac shirt baby feed stomach."  Isaac fed the baby on his stomach.  It was really pretty cute, I thought.

Second of all -- for all of you who absolutely positively think that Beauty and the Beast is one of THE BEST movies of ALL TIME . . . how would you like to own it on Blu-Ray for around $5.00?  That's right, folks.  But you have to act by tomorrow.  Here's how:

1) Go to Disney Movie Rewards and print off the $10 off coupon (if you aren't a member, just create an account - it's free!).

2) Go to Target's Printable Coupons and print off the $5 off coupon for a Disney Blu-Ray $16.99 or above.

3) Go to Campbell's Kitchen and print off the $5 off coupon there.

4) Go to Campbell's Kitchen and print off a coupon for the soup of your choice (one that fills the requirements in the $5 off coupon).

How does it all come together?
Blu-Ray Sale Price: $24.99 until tomorrow.
Less $10 Disney Coupon: $14.99
Less $5 Target Coupon: $9.99
Less $5 Campbell's Coupon: $4.99

The soup should cost around $1, maybe $2.  Add in taxes and a stamp, and you're looking at $5-$7.  Pretty slick deal, eh? Oh, and if you go to your local Wal-Mart and take the Target Coupon and Disney coupon, they should price match and accept them both, and their sale price on Beauty and the Beast is only $22.96 - which makes it that much cheaper, right?  And if you watch Albertsons ads, sometimes they have a double value coupon, so you would save $2 on three cans instead of $1 on three cans.  Which would probably make them free.  As long as everything happens in the next month or so, in time to mail in the rebates, it's totally legit!

Craft Time with Toddlers

A few months before Brianna was born, I was in like UBER organization and schedule mode.  I wanted to have EVERYTHING pulled together and perfect.  I started my quest for things to do with toddlers. 

Now I have to confess that I am NOT a good toddler mother.  Why?  Cuz I haven't gotten over my I-can't-deal-with-messes-and-my-fear-that-you-are-going-to-paint-on-the-walls-and-it-won't-come-off-and-we're-just-renting factor.  Particularly with my two. One I can keep an eye on and work through things with and even stop before things get too out of control.  HOWEVER, my two tend to gang up on me.  I don't know if it's intentional or not (I read online that two-year-olds engage in parallel play, so them ganging up on me would be incredibly out of character for a typical two-year-old; and I'm going to ignore the fact that they do it all the time and even got my two-year-old niece to engage and play off of their antics while we were visiting her; yes, I'm going to ignore all of that because the "experts" say that they aren't aware of each other and are only interested in parallel play right now).

Anyway, I read on my friend's blogs that they have art time with their kids, and creativity time.  And I am totally jealous of that and aspiring to be the BEST mommy with the BEST, most well-rounded kids out there.  So I naturally have to figure out how to do this with MY kids, in spite of my fear of destructive messes (or even messes that take longer to clean up after five seconds of effort on my children's part than I may have to clean them in an entire day).

There are a few books I got in my quest: First Art, The Playskool Toddlers Busy Play Book, and the Toddlers Busy Book.  I don't love the Playskool one, just FYI.  But the other two have great ideas, some more or less age appropriate (or maybe just this parent appropriate) than others.  But otherwise GREAT ideas. Particularly if you're trying to preschool your own children or do a preschool co-op with other moms.  I'm excited for those days!!!  Only two more years to go!!!

But to make a long story short, despite my best efforts, I really haven't done anything they suggested.  Life got crazy.  And even meal planning is NOT my forte right now, let alone activity time planning.

So between me being super mom and my current me, I did make a great purchase in the midst of all of this.  I bought a two-sided easel on sale at Michaels, one for each of course because when you have twins you HAVE to have one for each - particularly when they hit the mine stage.  It's called damage control, putting out fires before they start.  And this particular easel has a chalkboard side and a dry-erase side.  I found a 48-pack of Crayola colored chalk in the clearance aisle for $1.50.  And my awesome mom, who knew about my quest to be the PERFECT mom and have art time with my kids, got my children an art bag for their birthday.  In that bag, she included some washable dry-erase board crayons.  WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?!?!?!?!?  They MUST have had two-year-old twins at some point. 

I have gotten the chalk out quite a few times (what's easier to clean up than dust-it-off-and-go chalk?).  We've used that as our starting point for teaching them to ONLY write on the chalkboard.  Because THAT is where you color and draw with chalk.  It has gone pretty well.  We've had some short art times (because repeated drawing on other things - like walls and doors and your sister and skin - meant we had to stop for that day and try again to learn to listen and obey and JUST write on the chalkboard).  And we've had some long art times.  Mostly with Abby.  Isaac seems to get bored with it - probably because it's too structured for him to JUST draw on the chalkboard?  I don't know.  But Abby LOVES to color!!!

And today I looked at my bored little man and got brave and pulled out the crayons.  Abby LOVED them!!!  I like them better than the chalk because the colors are more vibrant, so when we're working on identifying colors, there is more contrast and they can see the differences better.  They don't come off of our dry-erase board very easily, meaning with lots of elbow grease and almost as long to clean it completely off as it took the kids to fill it up with color.  But that's minimal, as long as they stick with the dry-erase board!  Overall, though, I'm a fan!

And our easels have a clip with them, for clipping things on the easel.  So my next venture, once we master listening and obeying with crayons, is to pull out the finger paint, spread some newspaper on the floor, clip on some paper, and let them go!  But I think that will have to wait a while, not gonna lie!

Run, Forrest, RUN!!!

Okay, so I've been participating in this month-long celebration of the family, which most days has really helped my attitude about my kids and my home and being a mother and a wife and everything.  In fact, I have really enjoyed it and felt uplifted and strengthened and excited about so many things!  And I've found myself researching and seeking answers and inspiration more and more, which I LOVE and miss about myself!  But today . . .

I wanted to run away and never look back!!!

I was snapping at my kids for things like them screaming at me that they just saw a fly . . . or an airplane . . . for the umpteenth time!  I mean, I can get excited with them for a while, but other than getting excited and saying, "You saw an airplane?" "Yeah!" "Wow!  That is SO COOL!" fifteen times before they stop TELLING me that they saw an AIRPLANE (or heard one, in our case, and then dashed to any window to try to spot it) is about all I can do.  I don't know what else to say!  But apparently I'm not giving them the right answer, cuz they just keep telling me over and over again . . . each time getting louder and louder, as if my lack of a correct response somehow means I didn't HEAR them correctly. (But maybe all it means is that they are enjoying having my undivided attention and riding it out for as long as they can!)

And Dear Abby does NOT take well to hearing the word no.  Again, I think she assumes that if I say no, particularly after she says, "May I please . . . ," then I must NOT have heard her or understood her.  Because no is not an acceptable response. EVER.  Like today when I was making grilled cheese sandwiches, using the LAST of the cheese, and she kept asking for a piece of cheese.

Abby: I ont cheese.
Me: I know, Abby.  And I'm making you a cheese sandwich AS WE SPEAK.  So just be patient for a minute, okay?
Abby: (looking confused, like, "Did she just actually deny me some cheese when she has it RIGHT there in her hands?) I ont cheese.
Me: Abby.  I know you want some cheese.  I'm making you a cheese sandwich RIGHT NOW, so just wait a minute.
Abby: (Starting to throw a temper tantrum and sobbing like it's the end of the world.) May . . . I . . . please . . . ave . . . some . . . cheese!
Me: Abby.  I KNOW you want some cheese, but if I give you some, I won't have enough to make you and Isaac a sandwich for lunch.
Abby: (screams at the top of her lungs at this point) I ont some cheese!!!!
Me: Abby.  Get it together.  Stop throwing a fit or go to your room until you are done.
(fit continues)
Okay, Ab -- go to your room until you are done.  I'm not listening to you throw a fit like that.  That is NOT how you get something that you want.
Abby: NO!  I ont cheese!
Me: Abigail . . . . go to your room until you can pull it together.
(I move towards her to help her get to her room.)
Abby: I pull together (and she even did stop crying for a minute).
Me: Thank you.  (I continue making the cheese sandwich.)
Abby: (starts screaming AGAIN) I ont cheese!!!!!

I think I finally distracted her with a banana.  I mean, I probably should have thought of that earlier because she was OBVIOUSLY hungry, but at the time I was just trying to make the sandwich as quickly as possible so it could cool and she could eat it and not be hungry.  So . . . .


And Isaac woke up early . . . both from his night's sleep and from his late-afternoon nap . . . and dutifully woke Abby up in turn.  Which meant I had two un-rested toddlers on my hands from 7:30 this morning on.  Which ultimately means books and movies and children's songs, a walk, a long drive in the car, or just facing the CONSTANT meltdowns.  Or sometimes all of the above . . . three or four times.  After hours of it, we finally opted for a long drive in the car!   At 4:30 in the afternoon because Dave had a late day at work and wasn't coming home at his usual time, and I had HAD it!!!

When he called and hung up and I called him back because I was SERIOUSLY DYING, even in the air-conditioned car with the twins securely tucked away in their seats and the radio playing whatever song I wanted to stop it on, he reminded me he had just gotten to the dentist for his appt. (which I had forgotten about).  I literally cried for like three miles!  Cuz I knew he also had an activity tonight with our young men's group, and that meant he wouldn't be home AT ALL until after 9:00.  And I was on my own all. night. long.  And at that point, I didn't even want to go back home.  If Abby hadn't said, "Mommy - I hungee!  I ont PIZZA!" when we drove by a fast-food place, I don't know how long I would have gone before I went back!  I mean, for some reason we were spotting a LOT of planes on those desert roads and freeways.  And that NEVER gets old for a two-year-old!


So I know I'm blessed to be a mom.  I know I'm going to look back on these days and LONG for them.  I know this is a terrific time of learning and development in their lives.  I know my role is divine and that I should love, love, love and treasure every second of it.  I know they are learning from me to keep their cool or lose it (like I did, quite a few times today).  And I know that movies and television are horrible babysitters.

And today . . . all of that went right out the window!  All I wanted was to ditch the pregnant belly, go back to December 2007, don my best tennis shoes, and RUN FOR MY LIFE!!!!!

There was this song that came on the radio while we were driving, looking at airplanes, and sobbing for miles.  "At last my love has come along.  My lonely days are over.  And life is like a song."  I thought, "Right.  My lonely days began after I found 'my love'; and I have yet to hear a song that really covers it!  Apparently she didn't know about school and work and kids and callings."

And then I thought about it some more.  And I thought, "Or maybe she did."

Maybe she knew all about it and that the hard days -- even seasons that might last a few years -- come to pass.  They are not going to last forever.  They probably won't influence the big picture nearly as much as you think they will.  You'll remember that they happened, but in the face of whatever you are currently (in the future) experiencing and enjoying, they won't seem like much.  And you will realize that even when you didn't physically get to have time together as much as you would have liked, even when you felt like the sum total of your value in life was to make sure that everyone else gets to have and do and become what they want at the expense of all the things you really want at that moment -- you were never alone because you ALWAYS had each other.  And there were enough moments where you got what you needed that you could keep going until the hard times came to pass.  And your children just added even more to that.  And their days -- good and bad -- came to pass as well, and they didn't even remember you snapped at them when they couldn't get over the airplane . . . or fly . . . or flying bug that you trapped in a bowl and finally put in the garage to die in peace (or at least give you peace in the process).  They'll just remember that you were there and that, at the end of the day, they felt secure and loved.  And they got to play in the bathtub with their toys for as long as they wanted!  And they'll even think that bathtime and our one-on-one dinner and bed times were to SPOIL them and not just mom's only solution to sanely get through the evening! ;-D

Cuz love and kids both have that one thing in common -- they're both forgiving and optimistic like that.

And tonight I started to research dates and courses for near-by half-marathons.  Just trying to get back to something that I REALLY WANT and NEED!

Cookie Monsters . . .

Yesterday Dave had the BRILLIANT idea that he wanted to make cookies with the kids.  So that's what we did tonight!  And it was SUPER cute and really fun to watch them dump the dough onto the pans.  And what cookie experience would be complete without a round or two of eating the dough and licking the bowl clean?  Not a Chaffee family experience, that's for sure!!! (Pictures to follow -- as soon as I can get to a computer that will let me download, view, and upload them.)

Daddy . . .

This morning while Isaac was taking an early nap because he had a late bedtime last night, Abby and I had this conversation:

Abby: Where Daddy?
Me: At work.
Abby: No. Daddy sleeping.
Me: No, Daddy is at work.
Abby: (a little quieter) No. Daddy sleeping.
Me: No, Daddy is at work.
Abby: (quieter still, with a "you are wrong, Mommy, and I don't mind telling you as many times as I need to" look) No. Daddy sleeping.

This went on for a while, Abby getting softer and more persistent each time.  Lesson #1: You can't win an argument with a two-year-old, at least not THIS one.  Lesson #2: Daddy has Abby wrapped around his finger, and she thinks of him all day long, even when he is nowhere to be found.

That is one thing we had in common, even during our disagreement about where Daddy was.  We were BOTH thinking about Daddy.  And I wanted to share what some of MY thoughts have been this morning/this weekend about this little girl's Daddy.

Friday night, he showed up early from work with two movies in his hands: The Muppet Movie and The Muppet (something) Caper.  I forget the title.  So, we popped in The Muppet Movie, I went into the kitchen to make dinner, we laid a blanket out on the living room floor, and we had a family date/picnic, complete with breakfast quesadillas and all.  After we got done eating, Dave tried to pull me down next to him on the sofa. (Where else would I rather watch a movie on date night?)  But Isaac had other plans.  He cried, and Dave said, "No -- it's Daddy's turn to sit with Mommy.  She's Daddy's first."  He continued to whimper but walked away for a moment.  Seconds later, he returned, looked up at me with puppy dog eyes, whispered, "Mommy . . . " and took my hand.  All the while, he was staring at David like, "No -- she's MY Mommy first." And when I got up off the sofa for a few seconds, he shot Dave the most triumphant look ever!  And we both laughed!

Even though we don't get that many traditional "date nights" any more, and we don't get to cuddle on the sofa and watch a movie undisturbed very much anymore, I love that Dave still tries to bring fun and laughter and spontaneity to our family!  And once the kids were in bed, I beat him at Quiddler.  What more can you ask for? :-)

Saturday Dave announced that he wanted to go hiking SO BAD!!!  I have to agree with him.  I would LOVE to get out for a few days and just get lost in the trees and mountains and wildlife and streams and waterfalls that you find almost anytime you go hiking in Idaho or Washington.  But around here . . . we're kind of at a loss.  Dave disappeared into the office and when I went in to see what was up, he said, "I found something."  I asked what it was and he showed me this picture of a town that looked like an old ghost town with a movie set in front of it.  I must have looked confused, so he explained that he did a search for somewhere to go hiking and found this: a town with a movie set because quite a few movies have been filmed there.  And it's run by the National Forest Service (I believe that was it, anyway).  I still must have looked confused.  I said, "And you can go hiking there?"  He laughed and said, "Well, at least you can walk around.  But it's the closest thing I could find around here."  We both laughed, and I hugged him and told him it was a good try, anyway.  Needless to say, we didn't go.  It was late enough that it would have taken more time getting there and home than we would have had to actually spend there. 

And even though we don't get to go hiking or backpacking this summer because of the move, pregnancy, the twins, etc., I love that this is something that is a part of David and that will always be a part of our lives.  I love that it's something he seeks . . . and that he's always willing to have an adventure even if it isn't EXACTLY what he has been hoping for.  Close is better than nothing at all. 

While Dave let me sleep in Saturday morning, he got the laundry done!  There were about three loads, plus some I hadn't folded and put away yet from my attempts to get it all done during the week.  And what a great surprise it was to walk out into the living room after we had had a small disagreement about something and find that he wasn't moping . . . he was folding the laundry.  Finishing the task he had begun just to get it done.  As soon as that was done, he came and announced that he was taking Isaac and going grocery shopping and asked if he had missed anything on his list.  We added a few small things and off they went. 

I love that Dave is always willing to chip in around the house.  I remember when we were first married that I started to feel guilty for not having things all clean or all done when he got home.  And he simply asked me why I thought it was my job, since he was sure he had never said it was.  I had just assumed . . . I mean, I'm the wife, right?  But he's never treated me like that.  In fact, we have kind of shied away from chore charts and such because we didn't want to outline whose job this was and whose job that was.  We work better just chipping in whenever we can and getting things done that need to be done.  I am sure that will change as the kids get older, but I am so thankful that we share that interdependence right now!

Saturday evening we took the kids to the Los Angeles County Fair.  The fairgrounds here are BEAUTIFUL, among the best I've ever seen.  And though we aren't really ride people, we did want to take the kids to see the animals.  We agreed beforehand that we were going to buy just one thing: Dave calls them elephant ears; I call them tiger ears; the most common name for them, at least in the West, is scones.  They're a classic fair tradition for both of our families.  We figured it would probably cost us $4-$6 to get one (commercialized fairs America, right?).  After taking the kids to see all the animals and feed the animals at the petting zoo (I was too cheap to pay $2 for 1/3 of an extra small Dixie cup of pellets, so I just gathered the ones that had fallen on the ground -- it was still really fun for them!!!), we walked around the food area.  I say area, but it was a huge stretch, the entire length of the fair.  We didn't find a single stand that sold tiger ears.  Not one.  Nothing even close.  The only "close" thing was funnel cakes, but we didn't really want all the sugar.  So, in order to still buy something at the fair, because we had said we would splurge on ONE thing, we bought a foot long corn dog and some french fries.  Needless to say, we won't be doing THAT again!  They were incredibly overpriced and didn't really taste that good at all!!!!  But the KIDS . . . the kids loved it!  They loved every minute of it!

And I love that Dave helps me not be so financially tight that I miss small opportunities to create memories with the kids.  He is always looking for small things he can do to have a special memory with them . . . taking them to the water park or to the zoo or to the air plane museum at Edwards Air Force Base or on a daddy date to go grocery shopping (he even buys them a small treat most of the time -- grrrrrrr!).  And whenever he sees something new, he automatically wants to share it with them . . . with us!  And his efforts at making each weekend a special family event have been contagious!  And I just love, love, love it!  I hope we won't stop when he goes back to grad school -- because it's just so nice to have family time and family memories again!

Sunday after church, we were standing in the kitchen, talking about what is coming up this week, making dinner, and just chatting while the kids played on the floor.  At one point, he stopped me mid-sentence and said, "My word, you are beautiful!!!"  That, of course, got a smile, a laugh, and a hug and a kiss.  And THAT moment was interrupted by Isaac laughing!  We looked over at him and saw him watching us, the funniest expression on his face, like he had just seen us do the funniest thing EVER and wanted to be a part of it.  We, in turn, burst into laughter!!!

But I love that it's never going to be awkward or strange for my kids to see me hug or kiss or hold hands with their dad.  That isn't something either Dave or I have from our homes growing up, and it was always something that was very important to me.  Something I looked forward to and wanted to be sure would always be there between my husband and I for my children to witness and EXPECT!!!  And I love that with one simple, heart-felt, out-of-the-blue expression, Dave STILL melts my heart and takes me from huge pregnant mommy to newly-wed.  I know, you are probably gagging right now . . . but it's the small things.  The comment, the hug, the touch of his hand, the kiss on the cheek or the forehead, etc.  And they DO make all the difference.

And that's how Daddy has been on my mind today . . . .  Just wanted to share!

"Babies" and "Puppies"

I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking about newborns and dogs.  But I'm not.  Well, not directly anyway.

Whenever Abby and Isaac go down for a nap or to bed at night, they want something to hold onto.  Generally for Abby, it's her baby -- and it is a cuddly, soft little bundle that I would want to snuggle up with, too (if it were big enough that I would feel like I was suggling with something).  And for Isaac, he likes to take toy trains, toy cars, toy animals . . . but particularly his little puppy dog.  Again, it's the perfect size for some really snuggly lovin'.  And I think my kids get some sort of safety net from these things, like somehow they are not all alone in the dark world of bedtimes and they are loved.

In fact, just last night Abby woke up screaming like four times.  The first time, she was laying on the floor, passing her hand under the door, totally distraught because she had woken up and could not find her "baby's blankie."  It was wrapped up in her own, but for some reason that really hit her!  I found it, swaddled her baby, gave her back to Abby, and Abby was happy as a clam and fell right back to sleep.

And I was thinking about how you never really "out-grow" that desire to just LOVE, physically connect with, something (someone) up close!  Oakay, maybe you don't ALWAYS feel it.  Like this morning when Isaac came in the kitchen while I was making breakfast and saw Abby and said, "Abby!  Haaaaiiii!!!  Hi, Abby!" and ran over to give her a hug, which she promptly, disdainfully, and even physically rejected, emphasizing it with a little temper tantrum, just in case he missed the memo.  And I guess we all have days like that, too.  BUT, don't you have those friends who give you a hug that makes you feel like you have just been wrapped in a warm blanket EVERY TIME YOU SEE THEM? I bet you can't wait to run into them, right?   (I actually looked for that "coming home" feeling when I was dating guys; an absolute MUST!!!) 

And who doesn't look forward to cuddle time with your little ones?  I LOVE it when my kids wake up at different times so I can enjoy those few precious moments of "cuddle time" with them before we're bombarded by twin #2 and cuddle time turns to fight-over-mommy-wrestling-match time.

And is there anything better than cuddling up with your spouse when you go to bed . . . just good ol' lead-to-nothing-but-dreams cuddling?  There are days where that is the ONLY up-close and personal time I get with my husband (and he falls asleep really FAST, so it only lasts a second and I have to be there BEFORE he falls asleep to get it.  I sometimes leave things undone just to go and cuddle with him before he falls asleep and then get back up once he has fallen asleep to finish my "to-do-before-bed" list . . . but you take what you can get, right? ;-D).  There's a reason I LOVE movie-night date nights even when I hate almost every movie! :-)

Take some time to enjoy the babies and puppies in your life today . . . and give yourself permission to make the time for it, whatever that entails. (Even if it is a REAL puppy or cat or whatever . . . . I'm not judging you!  I'm just sayin'!)

Cheese, Please!

Last night we got Jack in the Box for dinner -- the kids got a big cheeseburger to share, as always.  And as always, we never know if they are actually going to EAT their dinner or not.  Well, we got home, cut the burger in half, put them in their chairs, and watched and waited (while eating OUR dinners, of course). 

Neither twin was that into their cheeseburger last night.  But I made them sit there all the same, giving it as valiant of an effort as I could to still feel good about myself as a mother and that I wasn't starving my children. 

Well, long after OUR dinners were gone and Dave had left the table, I still sat and watched as Isaac decided that he didn't want the whole burger, but he DID want the bun with ketchup on it!  Mmmmmm . . . .  After he finished his, he went for Abby's.  And Abby could have cared less because she had taken the first opportunity to jump ship and JUMPED . . . and was happily walking around the kitchen, singing and dancing and doing her own thing in Abby's literal La-La land. 

At first, Isaac didn't want to eat Abby's because it had more ketchup on it . . . which meant he was getting his hands dirty.  Every time he touched it, he put his hand out to me and said, "Help, please!" (meaning -- "Mom, my hand is dirty and I don't like it.  Will you please clean it off?).  Finally, I told him to lick it off. (Dave's BRILLIANT idea from a few weeks ago!  Who would have thought that someone, somewhere probably TAUGHT you to lick your dirty fingers off when you eat?)  And THAT was the beginning of a whole new level of excitement for eating this ketchup-covered bun, one dipped fingerful at a time!

While all of this is going on, Abby is running around, sometimes climbing up on Isaac's chair and talking to him or just climbing up and singing "The inny-weeny pider POUT! Rown iny wain an wosh-i OUT!"

The last time she climbed up, this is what I saw:
Abby: Isaac? Pocorn? Samich?
Isaac: Yeah - samich. CHEESE!
Abby: Cheeeese? (sing-song as always) Mmmm . . .YUMMY!!!!
Isaac: (quite pleased with his treasure) Yeah . . . YUMMY!
Abby: I aa sum?
Isaac: Uh-huh. Yeah.

He took his tiny little fingers and carefully pinched off a piece of cheese from off the hamburger patty, about the size of the tips of his fingers.  Then he carefully put it over to Abby's EAGERLY-AWAITING mouth.  He got it in her mouth and then, just before she closed her mouth and sucked it off, he pulled it out and put it in his mouth and then stared at her while he ate it.  Now, if this had been Abby doing it, I would have said she was probably intentionally teasing him.  Cuz she is the biggest tease EVER . . . watch out boys in about 14 years!!!  However, the fact that it was Isaac and I could see his face, I know he was NOT teasing her.  He genuinely thought that he was sharing with Abby and they were BOTH as happy about that little pinch of cheese he was getting off his finger as HE was.

This continued a few more times, and then Abby - frustrated, I am SURE at the tiny inkling of taste she got each time the cheese entered and LEFT her mouth - pulled herself up and grabbed the patty from Isaac and tore off a piece of cheese and then gave it back to him, the biggest smile covering her face as she ate it.  And, this is how I know he wasn't teasing her, Isaac got the biggest smile on his face, they both started to laugh in absolute glee and continued to pass the patty back and forth until they had finished off every small pinch of that cheese!

It was seriously SO SWEET!  The BEST they have done at sharing in a LONG, long, long time.

And moments like these not only make me sit back and watch and smile (sometimes laugh), feel for just a moment that something is making it through, realize that it's mostly their dispositions overriding their "terrible twos" egocentric moments, and just make it all seem so WORTH it!

Tiny discoveries found in the most uneventful situations and shared with someone you love. Isn't THAT what life is really all about?

I Should Listen to Abby More Often . . .

This morning I woke up at 4:30 with Dave and started my day.  By 6:30 - I was ready for a NAP . . . or another eight hours of sleep!  I had just laid down when I heard Abby wake up.  I decided to do what any good mother in my situation would do: Ignore her until she got the point that it was still night-night time and she should go back to sleep. It has worked before -- and she should have been asleep for AT LEAST another two hours!

Well - it didn't work.  I spent the next ten minutes listening to her cry and talk and cry some more.  Then I finally heard, "May . . . I . . . please . . . some . . . OUT!?"  She wanted out.  And she had to use the magic phrase I've been trying SO HARD to teach her, didn't she?  So I went to get her and nicely PLACE her back in her bed, with an explanation that it was STILL night-night time for Abby and she should STILL be asleep.

And I learned what the jibberish had been between her cries . . .

She was totally and completely naked.  She had wet through her clothes, and when I didn't come, she took her wet clothes off by herself and then took her wet diaper off BY HERSELF . . . .  Yep. Completely. naked. was. she.

Then tonight, while Dave went to the grocery store to get some necessary evils (like cinnamon and apple sauce and MILK), I decided to cook dinner AND give the kids a bath . . . because that is what you do when it is after 6:00 at night and you are fighting the clock and want to keep them occupied and moving TOWARDS bed. I put the rice in the rice maker, turned the microwave on, and chased my excited kids to the bathroom!

After I had soaped them down and it was time for them to have their free-time playtime with all their fun bath toys, I ran into the kitchen to mix up the other ingredients for rice pudding, so that when the rice was done cooking, I could just throw it all in my fancy Pampered Chef rice maker and have dinner by the time they got out of the tub.  Sounds reasonable, right?

But then the can of evaporated milk WOULD NOT OPEN.  I tried everything!  Three or four times.  Still not a budge in the seal!  In the meantime -- and you can imagine that I was getting more and more frustrated with every second that my SIMPLE and QUICK task was dragging on and on and on -- I hear Abby and her jibberish again, telling me something that Isaac is doing.  But she isn't crying, so I know he isn't hitting her over the head with the tupperware container they use to pour and dump water all over each other with such childish DELIGHT every time they take a bath.  And they were actually laughing between her jibberish cries for some sort of help or interference or something.  So I said, "In a minute" and continued to focus on that darn can!

Until I realized that their laughter wasn't so muffled . . . and that Abby had stopped trying to get me to come in . . . and Isaac was making that "BAM" sound he makes when he is throwing something really hard.

Or tossing water . . . all over my floor.

Yes, they had decided that I needed some encouragement to finally mop the bathroom floor . . . and had literally FLOODED it to the point that the rug was POURING water when I picked it up to hang it up to "drip dry," and the water was seeping out into the hallway.  There was at least 1/8" of water ALL OVER MY BATHROOM FLOOR -- and I don't have a small bathroom here.  It was even back behind the toilet!  No, in my haste and exhaustion and frustration, I didn't get a picture.  And I decided that the safest place for the twins while I cleaned the mess was right there in the bathtub, hearing each second how that was not a good choice for them to throw water on the floor, that we DON'T do things like that, that the water should stay IN THE TUB and the glass door should stay CLOSED AT ALL TIMES. It sounds a lot nicer here than it did in the moment, I assure you.

And we still didn't have any dinner . . . or an open can of Evaporated Milk. *sigh*

And in the end I concluded that I really need to listen to my daughter more.  She's a great tattle-tale.  She knows what she (and Isaac) should and should NOT be doing, and she knows when they are making bad choices.  That doesn't stop her from joining the fun, but at least she is POLITE enough to tell me all about it and even invite me to intervene before it gets out of hand . . . each and every single time.

Lesson learned?  I doubt it.  I'm not that quick! :-)