I Love to See the Temple

A few weekends ago, we took the kids to meet up with my dad and my sister's family to walk through the Brigham City Temple Open House.  It was such a special experience to be able to take them.  I hope their little minds and hearts - which seem to absorb EVERYTHING these days - really took in the Spirit and the joy they felt there.  I am SO THANKFUL we were close enough to attend an Open House before the temple is dedicated. 

One of my favorite quotes from the introduction to the temple that day was by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "I don’t know how to speak of heaven . . .in the traditional, lovely, paradisiacal beauty that we speak of heaven…I wouldn’t know how to speak of heaven without my wife, or my children.  It would not be heaven for me.  Now, you can say that’s wishful thinking, you can say, ‘ Well that’s just because you love each other and you’ve gotten cozy here on earth and you like each other’s company.’ It’s a lot more than that.  There is something eternal in the statement that neither is the man without the woman, nor the woman without the man in the Lord.  That isn’t just good sociology it’s good theology, it’s eternal" (Holland, Between Heaven and Earth).

I, too, would NOT be in heaven if David and our children were not there with me.  An eternity without them would be an eternity of hell.  I am SO THANKFUL that I don't have to know that misery.  And the hope of it makes me want to live to be worthy of it SO MUCH MORE during my time with them each and every day on this earth.

One of my favorite moments at the Open House was with Isaac.  He couldn't get enough of the 12 Oxen - symbolic of the 12 Tribes of Israel.  When he saw them, he said, "Wow!  Mom - look at that!" And as he stood at the head of the Baptismal Font, he exclaimed, "That is just PERFECT!"  Then he proceeded to explain to me the differences between oxen and cows and bulls and yaks.  I still don't even know how he knows what a yak is, but these ARE my kids who request to watch Animal Atlas and Word Girl on Netflix! LOL!  We had talked about the oxen and looked at pictures online, but I honestly don't remember ANY mention of a yak! :-)

One of my other favorite moments was when we first got there and my sister's little boy, Elliott, asked where his brother, Isaac, was.  With SO MANY girl cousins, I'm SO GLAD these two have each other!  I think they will always be great friends, even more so as the age gap narrows. And since his last visit with the girl cousins on Dave's side of the family ended with him asking in his prayers that they never had to come back again, I'm glad we live close enough that he can enjoy some "boy" time with Elliott.  Just this last weekend when we got together with them, they were making all sorts of animal noises and grunts and growls at the breakfast table.  When we asked them to stop, Elliott said, "But we boys!" LOL!  Already, they're getting each other into trouble! :-)

A Word about Isaac

Isaac has had quite a few highlight this last week.
1) A few days ago while he was sick, Dave sat down to play Mario on the Wii.  Isaac had been watching for a few minutes.  Then he walked up to Dave and put his hand on Dave's arm.  Dave didn't look up from his game for even a second.  Then Isaac let out a huge sigh.  Dave laughed and said, "What is it, Buddy?"  Isaac said, "Oh, nuffing!  That's just the sound of my heart breaking!"  Dave, completely caught off guard, said, "Do you want to play with me?"  Isaac's face lit up and he said, "Yep!"  Where in the world did he hear THAT PHRASE?  You got me!

2) Yesterday Isaac woke up around 6:30.  I had been up all night long with Brianna and had only been asleep for about three hours, so I sent Dave in on his way out the door to tell Isaac to get back in his bed and go back to sleep.  A few hours later, I got up.  I opened Isaac's door to him standing there naked, playing with his toys.  I asked why he was naked, and he said his diaper was wet so he took it off and he didn't have any underwear in there to put on.  (Note to self -- always leave him with underwear in his room.)  Anyway, we got him dressed and he gave me a HUGE hug and then got really serious and said, "Mommy - I didn't go back to sleep!  I made a bad choice!"  I said uh-huh and next time go to sleep so you can start to get better faster.  Then his face lit up and he said, "Mommy!  You didn't spank me!  You made a GOOD choice!"

3) This morning - repeat of yesterday, still up late with Bria, this time Abby was awake at the crack of dawn and I still needed at least four hours of sleep before I faced a day with them.  When I woke up, we got up, we made muffins together, we ate breakfast together, we cleaned up their rooms, we sang Articles of Faith, and we just had a pretty fantastic morning!  Runny noses and all. ;-D  While we were finishing cleaning, I asked Isaac to pick up all of his clothes that he had thrown on the floor and put them in his drawer.  He got really serious and said, "Mom - I cut my pants with the dangerous!"  I said, "What dangerous?  What?  Isaac, show me!" He went into his closet, up a few levels from where I thought he could reach, and got down my sewing box and showed me my scissors.  I flipped!  Asked him why he did that, asked him to show me where he cut his brand new pants, and then asked him what I should do about that because it was a really bad choice!  He looked at me and thought for a minute, and then he said, "But Mommy, I didn't cut my SHIRT!  I made a GOOD choice!"  Way to look on the bright side, Buddy! And brighten an upset heart!


4) Today he was eating his hot dog for lunch.  Then out of nowhere he got up and came over to me and said, "Mommy, I sure do love you!"  I said I love him, too.  Then he said, "May I please have a hug and a kiss?"  I gave him one.  Then he said, "I want a kiss from you!" (He meant I want to give YOU a kiss.)  So I put my cheek out and waited for him to blow raspberries on it (Isaac's token goodnight kiss on the cheek -- not sure where he got that either, but we laugh together every time he does it!).  But this time he just gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek and a huge smile!

He amazes me all the time with his sweetness, wisdom and creativity.  He and Abby are night and day!  NIGHT AND DAY!  And I cannot imagine life without the complimentary contrasts.

Calling Us on It

This weekend is Stake Conference for our church.  That is a time when all of the congregations in a designated geographical area get together for a combined worship service.  There is usually an adult meeting on Saturday night and a family meeting on Sunday.  Since we didn't have a babysitter, I went to the adult meeting last night by myself while Dave stayed home with the kids.  This morning, Isaac woke up, ran up to me, gave me a big hug, and then got the most serious/scolding look on his face and said, "Mommy - why you go to church without me?"  It made me smile!

We've been potty training commando-style for the last week and a half, and they've done great!  But now we are trying to transition and still get them to keep going potty while wearing underwear. This morning after playing around and giving morning hugs and playful "spankings" from Daddy, Dave said with all the excitement of a five-year-old on Christmas morning, "Today, we are going to try wearing underwear!  Won't that be fun?"  Isaac didn't miss a beat - he walked right up to Dave, laughing, put his hands on either side of Dave's face, got right up to where his nose was almost touching Dave's nose and said, "Daddy!  You too big!"  Silly Daddy -- I guess "we" won't be trying to wear underwear today after all! ;-D

Sometimes it's Isaac and sometimes it's Abby, but either way it's certain that one or the other of them will call us on our actions and words.  Sometimes we're right, but sometimes they are.  And all times they amaze me with how quickly their little brains assess and respond to any given situation!

The Things You Say . . . are Unforgettable!

Abby and Isaac got started on our long haul to update them on their shots about two weeks ago now.  Isaac had the HARDEST time - I could hear him screaming in the waiting room!  Abby did a lot better.  Dave said she cried, but she handled it in stride and didn't even have to be "wrestled" to the table.  When Isaac and I went back in to get Abby -- first of all, I was VERY impressed that Isaac went back in.  He was actually REALLY concerned about Abby and Brianna.  And then I saw Abby and gave her a hug and she said, "Mommy - that doctor not very nice!  He NOT listen and obey!" Of course we had the talk that the doctor didn't hurt them, the shots did; but the shots are to help them not get sick.  But it was SO cute the way her mind worked!

The other night we were kneeling for prayer.  Isaac wanted his shark!  And of course, we don't have toys during prayer time.  But it really disturbed him that he didn't know where to find it and we wouldn't just jump up and go look for it for him.  Finally he calmed down for prayer.  Daddy prayed, Abby prayed, and when it was Isaac's turn he simply said, "Heavenly Father - I very sad - name of Jesus Kist, amen."  After that, we searched the whole house over to find that shark!

Abby and Isaac were eating dinner last night. We have a rule now that we sit at the table for a half hour with them.  Then, if they don't want to eat - they can get down.  And if they want to keep eating, they can but we can then get up and start cleaning up.  It saves a LOT of contention and just makes the whole mealtime experience feel so much nicer!  As I loaded the dishwasher, Isaac was done and got down and started to play.  Abby was not, however, and WANTED to keep eating.  But Isaac started taunting her with his toys, trying to get her to come and chase him and play with him.  She scolded him for that, "No - Isaac - I still eating, Isaac!"  Then he grabbed her favorite toy -- her horsey!  And she fell apart.  Through her tears, once I got her to settle down a little bit, she told him, "Isaac - you makin' me sad!"

I was having a hard time finding something to wear this morning for church -- yep, still fighting through those fun pregnancy pounds!!!  At one point, I tried on something and yelled when it didn't fit.  Isaac was in the bathroom and said, "Uh-oh.  What happened?"  I told him that I couldn't find anything to wear because nothing was fitting me.  He pointed to a skirt and said, "How 'bout THIS one?"  I said, "This one?" and pointed to it.  He said, "Yep - yes. There you go, Mommy!  It fit you!"  His triumphant smile was unforgettable!!!  He just KNEW he had solved all my problems and was the best son in the world for having done it.  Of course, it also made me smile!

As I got ready for church today, Isaac and Abby came into the closet singing, "Follow the Prophet" as they followed each other in circles around me.  Then Isaac took the blocks he was holding in his hand and put them, one on top of the other, on the counter next to me.  He got really excited and yelled, "Look, Mommy!  Temple!"  I said, "Is that the temple?" half laughing at his creativity.  And he smiled that "I'm so proud of myself" smile and said, "Yep - that's the temple!" and then laughed like he had said the funniest thing in the world - then he left.  A few minutes later he came back in and said, "Mommy, please make-em Isaac hair handsome."  And so we did!

Dave decided we were going to camp in our back yard, since we have been rained out and stormed out and distanced out of every other camping trip we have planned in the last few months.  He took a VERY proud Isaac out back to help him set up the tent.  And that became a fun fort for the rest of the day!  Then, just before dinner, we were going out to grill chicken sausages and noticed the VERY dark, looming clouds!  Another one bites the dust!  But we're determined!  We'll make it one of these times!

Banana Mixed with Banana Chocolate Chip

Tonight Isaac had a hard time falling asleep.  Maybe it was to do me a favor because Dave is on a campout with the Young Men/Scouts in our ward and I was NOT looking forward to a night all by myself.  But whatever it was . . . it was pretty intense.  But that's Isaac.  First he cried and cried and cried.  Then he cried.  Then he screamed.  Then he cried.  And he woke Brianna up every single time.  So finally I went in, armed and dangerous.

Then I remembered that kids meet you in the same attitude/voice you take to them and decided to take it down a few notches.  He said he was hungry, and though I didn't really believe him, after an hour and a half of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth and really, really, really wanting to put his sister to bed for the LAST time of the night, I caved.  I had two quick/non-messy foods in the kitchen: a banana and a banana chocolate chip muffin that didn't rise when I baked it because I opened the oven to "check" on it, and it therefore has lasted a few days in a ziploc bag on my counter.  I took both.

He opted for the banana.  Perfect.  I left it with him and . . . left.

Just as I got Brianna back to sleep --- BAM!  Screaming, crying, more weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth. And an echo of it from Brianna who was once again disrupted in our every attempt to get her some sleep.

Again, I went in armed and ready for a fight.  And again the voice in my head - love that voice sometimes - warned me to take it easy and set the tone.  Firm but kind. In control of my emotions and the situation but loving and caring and wanting to understand what he really needed so we could ALL get some sleep tonight.

So I grabbed the previously-rejected muffin and went back into his room with it.  To find the uneaten banana sitting on his pillow and a very worn-out little boy tired to tears and not even capable himself of knowing what he needed.  Or so I thought. I got him back in bed, told him that if he was hungry, he would eat the banana, but he would do it in bed.  The LAST thing I needed was him thinking he could use hunger to get out of bed/out of his room and repeat performances in pursuit thereof ALL NIGHT LONG!

Just then Brianna started to cry.  Isaac told me she was crying and I said I heard her; then he said, "Mommy, cuddle Isaac's pillow."  I thought he meant he wanted Brianna to lay with him for a minute because sometimes when I go in to say goodnight with her in my arms, I'll lay her beside him for a minute to cuddle and say goodnight.  I told him that tonight was not a good night for that, Brianna was having a hard time, everyone was tired, and he just needed to eat the banana and muffin and go to bed.  We argued for a minute about whether or not HE was actually tired.  Then he looked at me, red-faced and puffy-eyed from crying for SO LONG, and repeated, "Mommy, cuddle on Isaac's pillow a minute."  I said, "Isaac - you want me to cuddle with you?"  He said yes.  I said, "Honey, I can't - I'm too big to lay in your bed with you."  He said, "No - not too big, Mommy!  I need you cuddle a minute."

I laid my head on his chest and repeated that I was too big but I loved him.  He wrapped his arm around my head and pulled me to him as hard as he could and said, "I love you, Mommy!"  I laid there for a minute, rubbing his back to calm him down, the smell of the banana he was eating and the muffin on his pillow filling my senses -- the tight squeeze of his arm every time he thought I might be lifting my head pulling on my heartstrings.  I finally did lift my head, but he said, "Mommy - please cuddle Isaac's back again!"  So I laid my head back on his chest and rubbed his back again as he finished his banana.

Then Brianna's screams bordering hysteria brought me back to reality, and I told him I absolutely had to go to Brianna and to please finish his food and go to sleep.  He said okay - we said one last I love you - and I left the room.

I'm recording this tonight - in my usual TMI/overly-verbose detail, because I hope that smell -- those smells -- always bring this memory back to me.  On so many levels I don't ever want to forget this night when the voice in my head got me to a point to be there when my little boy melted my heart, asked me to cuddle with him for a minute, pulled me tightly to his chest, and said from the depths of his heart, "I love you, Mommy!"  And - in spite of the voices in my head shouting at me about tooth decay and food in bed and giving in to even two-hour-long crying spells - I'm glad I listened to the one that got me to be there with calm, controlled kindness and love.  It doesn't get much better than that, does it?

Mommy, I Sad

Isaac came in from jumping on the trampoline this afternoon to a VERY BUSY Mommy and Daddy who were trying to make a handout for my first Power of Moms Girls Night Out tonight. 

Isaac: Mommy . . . Mom . . . Mom?  I sad.
Me: (Trying to over-dramatize all of my actions and make him laugh, I scoop him up in a HUGE bear hug and kiss his forehead with a loud kiss) You're sad?  Why are you sad?
Isaac: Cuz I want jump on trampoline, and it too hot.
Me: Uh-oh!  It's too hot outside?
Isaac: Yeah.
Me: I'm sorry.  Are you going to be okay?
Isaac: Yeah.
Me: (thinking this exchange is more about him needing attention than anything else) Do you want to go outside now and jump on the trampoline?
Isaac: No. It too hot. (He stands there, head bowed, not moving.  I know this is my cue for something, but I'm not sure exactly what it is yet."
Me: Well, we can try again in the morning before it gets hot.
Isaac: (nothing - not even a raised eyebrow from this sullen boy)
Me: Or you could go in Abby's room and play with the blocks.
Isaac: (light comes on - followed by smiles and excited shouts as he runs across the room) Yeah!  I can play blocks!

I think this is okay and return to my project.  A few seconds later. . .
Isaac: Mom. Mommy.  Mom? I sad.
Me: Isaac?  Why are you sad?
Isaac: Mom - c'mere, Mom.  C'mon, Mommy - c'mon. (he takes my hand to lead me across the hall)
Me: Just one second, Isaac - let me finish this one thing.
Isaac: (to his credit, he waits a few seconds) Mom? Mommy.  Mom?  Will you please come here?  Mommy?  Please come here, Mom.

I immediately get up and walk across the room and get out the blocks and clean up the other toys so he can see them and focus and build without other distractions/toys in the way.  Then I return to what I was doing.

Why did I write this tonight?  Well, a few reasons.
1) This is the first time Isaac has come and identified to me how he was feeling and why AND waited for me to offer a solution to his problem that would really SOLVE his problem.  That HAS to be a developmental milestone recorded in some book somewhere as something that he will start doing at this age.  And I am really, really proud of him!
2) I was working on a handout for a meeting designed to help me be a better MOTHER.  Living deliberately to create the life I want AND my children want/need.  And yet I was ignoring a perfect opportunity to put it to action!  Now there ARE times and seasons for these moments.  There are times to play and times to focus on something else.  And there are lessons for kids to learn in each of those times.  But today -- TODAY -- Isaac needed me.  My undivided attention.  A playmate bigger than Abby.  Help with his newly-identified problem.  And I don't think I respond to those needs nearly as often as I should.
3) My little boy is growing up.  And someday, in the not-too-distant future, I am going to want to hear his voice, to pause the clock for a minute to remember what he said, how he said it, how I felt when I heard it.  Someday he isn't going to come to me for help.  He might not even be willing to tell me when he is sad.  And he definitely won't invite me to come to his aid and be his playmate.  And when that happens, it will make ME sad. 

But for now . . . for today . . . I just want to remember. 

My Name Isaac

A little conversation today after Dave got home from work. Context: the girls were still asleep and to keep them that way, I had put "Toy Story 2" on for Isaac to cuddle with me on the sofa and watch.  He was sitting next to me, eyes glued to the television, when Dave decided to join us on the sofa. 

Dave sat on the other side of Isaac and, giving him a big hug, said, "Hi, Buddy!" 

Isaac, without even glancing in his direction, said, "My name Isaac." 

Ummmmmmm . . . .

Touch the Bubbles

A few days ago I was sitting on my mom's bed breastfeeding Brianna.  The kids have all been sick, so we have a humidifier by the bed on my mom's computer desk.  While I sat there, Isaac walked up the stairs and started to play in the other room.  Soon he joined me in Mom's room.  And then he noticed the humidifier.  They have one in their room at home and spilled it lots of times before we got them to stop spilling it and just let it be.  So I wasn't worried.

Before I could blink, I heard a bang and saw the water tank had fallen to the floor.  I, of course, freaked out.  Sitting there feeding Brianna had been the first moment I had sat down all day - putting out fire after fire, tantrum, mess, etc.  I yelled at him - man did I yell.  "How could you do that?  You know you aren't supposed to touch the humidifiers!  This is no different than the one at home, Isaac!  Why did you knock it over?" Yeah - not proud of all the yelling.

And he quietly took it as I sat on the bed feeding Brianna, anticipating a keyboard with water all over it or a floor with water all over it or . . . . What a horrible thing, right?  To have to clean up WATER of all things.  I am sure my anger was merited!

Then Isaac came over to the bed and got up in my face and very quietly and sweetly said, "Mommy?  Mommy. Mom. Want to touch bubbles!" 

My heart melted - all anger sent to the North Pole in two seconds flat!  I looked at the humidifier base and back at Isaac and said, "You wanted to touch the bubbles in the water?" 

Isaac - "Mmmm hmmm." 

He looked down, ashamed, and I touched his face and said, "Isaac - I am sorry I yelled at you.  But honey, we can't touch those bubbles.  They're in the case and we can't reach them, okay?"

Isaac - "Okay."

And we had a big hug and off he ran.

Sometimes I think my children are full-fledged criminals out to get me - make every mess possible, disobey every command, deliberately spill and spoil everything in their path, disassemble things I didn't know could BE disassembled.  Hahahaha!  Even as I was typing this I had to jump up and run down the hall to my grandma's glass-enclosed casing that holds all of her fragile, antique, and very special porcelain dolls.  How many times have I told them to stay out of that one over the years?  Me and every other adult and child over four in this house!

But in that moment I was reminded that my children are great kids!  They are not intentionally TRYING to be difficult and create messes and destroy porcelain dolls or peek-a-boo flap books or humidifiers or elliptical machines or whatever else.  They are just discovering and learning and creating through destroying . . . if that makes sense.

So I need to take a few chill pills and pick my battles and learn what needs to be stopped with discipline and what needs to be understood and a teaching moment.

Isn't parenting fun? ;-D

Here you go, Lisa!

We took Isaac to the doctor yesterday after spending a day putting hot packs (hand warmers I bought at Walgreens - work like a charm) on his ear to even get him to sleep the previous day. 

Last night while I was at Wal-Mart buying his medicine, Lisa and Mom were here getting the twins ready for bed and watching a night-time scripture movie. 

Lisa told me that as she sat in the rocking chair, her ear really started hurting.  She looked over at my mom and said, "My ear really hurts.  I think I might be getting the kids' ear infections!"

Isaac, who had been sitting on my mom's lap, got down and walked over to Lisa.  In a quiet, sweet little voice he got up on her lap and said, "Lisa - you ear hurt?"  She said, "Yes, Isaac, it does."  He said, "Okay - I be back minute."

He got down off her lap and walked over to the table to get a now cold hand warmer off of it.  Then he walked back over to the chair, climbed up on Lisa's lap, put the hand warmer on her ear, and said, "That better?"

She smiled and said, "Oh, yes, Isaac - I feel much better now!  Thank you!"

He gave her a HUGE smile and shook his head and said, "You welcome, Lisa!"

What a lesson in sweetness, in compassion, in empathy!  It reminds me of the scripture about the man who was forgiven a large debt and then turned around and would not forgive a small debt.  He hadn't learned compassion along with his forgiveness.  The lesson is that we be as forgiving, show a little empathy to others when they find their ears hurting like ours have in the past!

And sometimes the hardest person to give the same kindness and forgiveness to is ourselves. 

I love you Isaac Man!  Thank you for teaching me every day, reminding me over and over how lucky I am among so many other amazing lessons in love!

Please, Mom

Abby in the middle of the night last night: Mom - Beenana cwying.  Please feed her, mom.  Mom?  Please, mom - please feed her!

Me: I'm working on it, Ab - thanks for worrying so much about her.  Now go back to sleep.

Abby: Okay, Mom.  Goodnight, Mom!  I love you, Momma!

Me: I love you, too, Abby!

What a sweetie!

Isaac this mornin with a hair claw in his hand - he walked up to me and said, "Mom - what's that?" as he tried to pinch it onto my skin.
Me: Ow, Isaac - that hurts!
Isaac, as he pats my arm: Sorry Mom - sorry!

Isaac in my brother's arms just before they closed the casket this morning - my brother sobbing: Uh-oh.  What the matter? It okay, Owun - it okay!
He wiped his cheek with his hand and patted his arm.

What a sweetie!

Moments after I found out my grandma was going to pass away in a matter of hours, I walked into the kitchen behind my children - both headed eagerly to the pantry to get their Vitamin C.  I was sobbing.  Their eager shrills of excitement stopped abruptly when they turned around and saw the uncontrollable tears streaming down my cheeks.

Abby: Uh-oh!  Mommy - what happen?  You okay?  C'mere. It okay, sweetie!  It okay!
She gave me a huge, tender bear hug and put her cheek against mine as she took her little hand to wipe the tears away.  I smiled/laughed and gave her a big hug and said thank you!

Isaac: Mom - it's okay, Mommy!  It's okay.  What wong?

Me: Guys, Great-grandma is really sick.  She's at the hospital with the doctors, but she is really sick.  Really sick.

Abby (very matter-of-factly): Gate gamma sick - need to go doctor.  Her ear hurt - need medicine.  Need go doctor.

I laughed and said, "She is at the doctor, Abby, but it looks like she is going to go to live with Heavenly Father for a while to wait for us in heaven."

Abby took a second to process it and then said, "Mom - lets go - lets go find him [her]."

They are so great!  I love them so much!

Some Pining Moments, Some Shining Moments

Today I'm missing the simple days, the simple things, the simplicity of life back when we couldn't wait to get through it because it was all going to "get easier and be better." (I tried to warn him that wasn't the case! But when he makes his mind up about things, he is one.determined.man.) :-) We had fewer bills, fewer commitments, fewer distractions, fewer worries, fewer miles between us every day.  We played more games, went on more walks, talked more often, worked together on more projects, met more often in the middle of the day just because, laughed more often, cooked together more often, ate together more often.  We had more friends, more opportunities for service just laid at our feet, more feeling like we were needed and a part of something bigger than just us, more hikes, more campouts.  We had fewer children, which meant less joy on the one hand because Brianna has blessed our lives beyond measure or expression, but we were also equally yoked to the task of the children we DID have, and therefore able to do more individually and together than what we are able to do as easily now.  And we had more opportunities to go to the temple (Dave's sister lives in Spokane).

And as I think about these things, I am reminded of the verse of scripture written by Alma, an ancient prophet whose writings are recorded in the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Christ.  Alma begins by saying that he wishes he were an angel and could speak with the trump of God to cry repentance and God's plan of redemption to all people, telling them to come unto God and thereby avoid the sorrow that comes when we do not follow Christ and His ways.  Then he says, "But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me."

So today as I am remembering DIFFERENT times, I am reminding myself that they were not BETTER times.  And that where I am now, even though I may seek for righteous things and memories and friends, etc., well I can make the same mistake I made before in longing for a future something that I thought would bring me joys greater than my present something.  Or I can be content with the time and circumstances allotted to me NOW!

And one thing experience has taught me is that today's pining moments may easily be tomorrow's longed-for regrets.

I have a song from the LDS hymnal running through my head as I write this.  The words are:

Improve the shining moments,Don’t let them pass you by;
 Work while the sun is radiant;Work, for the night draws nigh.
 We cannot bid the sunbeams to lengthen out their stay; 
Nor can we ask the shadow to ever stay away.
  

Time flies on wings of lightning, we cannot call it back;
 It comes, then passes forward along its onward track;
 And if we are not mindful,The chance will fade away; 
For life is quick in passing—’Tis as a single day.
 
As winter time doth follow the pleasant summer days, 
So may our joys all vanish, and pass far from our gaze.Then should we not endeavorEach day some point to gain,That we may here be useful,And ev’ry wrong disdain. 

Improve each shining moment;In this you are secure,
 For promptness bringeth safety,And blessings rich and pure.

Let prudence guide your actions,

be honest in your heart,

And God will love and bless you,

And help to you impart.

Among the shining moments of today was a moment this morning.  I had just finished dressing Brianna and, as is our custom with our children, said, 'Look, Daddy!' To which Daddy always replies, "Wow!  You're so pretty (handsome!)!"  So today, after I said my line and Dave said his, Isaac (who was just getting his diaper changed before getting dressed for church) jumped up and ran over to where I was holding Brianna up and gave her the sweetest little side hug all while saying in a high-pitched and very sweet voice, "Brianna - are you pretty, cute girl?  Huh, Brianna?  So pretty?"  It was such a tender moment!

We made cookies for a friend in the ward who just had surgery this last week, and the twins drew cards with their handprints and beautiful scribbles on them, me writing Get Well, Love Abby across the top of one and Soon, Love Isaac across the top of the other.  Then we made another card/plate of cookies for our bishop who was home sick from church today.

And with the recent increase in cookie-making around here, I would like to report that Isaac has learned to share.  After I told him no he couldn't have any more cookies a couple of times (like at least five) and then left the room to work on something else for a minute, Dave reported that Isaac found his way into the office, cookie in hand, tore it into two pieces, and dutifully shared 1/2 of it with his sister before Dave and I caught onto what he was doing and the fact that he had just climbed up onto the counter and TAKEN the largest cookie there!  He's a slick little thief!  And he shared!  *ohhhhhhh*  I'm sure that was part of his cookie-napping scheme -- disobey mom with sugar on top of the disobedience: she isn't going to punish you for sharing! ;-D He's smart -- just brilliant!

Oh, and today during Sacrament Meeting he was sitting on my lap when they passed the sacrament around (bread and water in remembrance of the blood and body of Christ).  He said, "Mommy, more bread, please."  I shook my head silently.  He continued, "Mommy, more sandwich."  I said, "Isaac - it's not a sandwich, it's the Sacrament." I was CERTAIN he would get that it was SPECIAL and stop asking with such an explanation, right?  He didn't hesitate a second before saying, "Mommy, more Sacrament, please."  Cute, cute, cute little man!!!

Mom? Where are You?

Best moment of the day would be really hard to pick most days.  But among the top today was when Isaac came home from Young Men's with Dave and ran through the house screaming, "Mom!?!?  Where are you, Mom?  Mom?"  Once he found me putting Brianna to sleep, he jumped on the bed really excited-like and then looked around with a slight confused expression on his face.  "Where's Abby?"

I LOVE beyond words that in just the few hours he was gone, he missed us and asked for me first and then Abby!  Best feeling in the world!

I would also have to add here that Dave told me that when they got to the church, Isaac asked him to take him to the bathroom to go potty.  And he took him. AND he went potty!  And we still haven't started "trying" to potty train him yet.  Things are looking up.  First time he used a public bathroom down . . . millions and billions to go!

My Fearsome Threesome

Life moves on so quickly!  And it is so easy to get lost in the middle of it all and forget that time is moving forward, you aren't just standing still; you aren't just treading water; you aren't just enduring and waking up at the end where you started.  I look at my family - my children in particular - and am so amazed at how much, how quickly, they change!  Just a few things I want to remember one day because, as I've often been reminded lately -- Childhood doesn't last forever!

Abby's hair is getting SO LONG!  It is so pretty with it's little waves and curls!  She loves to comb her hair with anything - comb, brush, pick, whatever she can find - and say, "That bo-tee-foal! So pitty!"  And it is beautiful! So pretty! Even better is the glow in her eyes and the way her face transforms when she says it!  You have never seen anything so truly BEAUTIFUL!  I hope she always has that confidence and glow! I hope no one ever makes her question it or makes her cry because of it!

Isaac is usually quick to join in, "Yeah, Ab, pretty!" And he gets the cutest smile on his face as well.  Just tender, sweet comments for his sisters. The other day I had Brianna in a dress and Isacc walked in the room and saw her and said, "Brianna! You're so pretty, cute girl! Yeah. Pretty!"  It made me smile!  But not as much as it made me smile when he tried on Abby's very FULL slip one Sunday afternoon - he insisted that he get to try it on, crying when I took it away.  I finally gave in - I didn't really have any reason not to - and he ran down the hall saying, "Cute!  Yeah!  I cute!"  The fact that the slip barely covered his diaper because his legs are SO much longer than Abby's only made the moment that much more KODAK!!!  Wish we had THAT on video for his dating years! :-)

Two days ago, Abby was playing with Isaac's bear.  She grabbed a tissue from the tissue box and had torn it into small pieces.  I looked away for a second and when I looked back, she had draped the tissues on the bear and then looked at me, her face squinting and her mouth open in the cutest little triumphant smile/laugh and said, "Wow - that BO-tee-foal, Mom!"  Isaac quickly grabbed the bear and said, "No! My bear!" and tore the tissue off, and Abby looked like she didn't quite know what to do as she glanced at the torn tissue on the ground. She had been so proud - I really wanted to cry!  But she took it really well, her expression quickly changed from hurt to casual acceptance, she picked up the tissue paper and went on her way, playing with something else.

There are days I am amazed by their love and tenderness with each other; and there are days I see the bully brother and the tender-hearted sister.  And there are days when she will tackle that boy to the ground in .2 seconds flat EVERY.TIME.SHE.TRIES.  Sometimes she is the tender mother, hugging him when he cries or gets disappointed, "Are you okay, Isaac? Uh-oh, what happened?  Come 'ere!"  Sometimes she is the bossy mother, "Isaac - come 'ere right now . . . 1, 2, 3.  Right now, Isaac!"  He has his share of the little boss and the protective brother, too - don't get me wrong.  One of my favorite moments was last week when Dave told Isaac for quite literally the sixth time that he needed to stop or start doing something - I don't remember what.  Abby looked at Dave and said, "Daddy - don't spank Isaac any more!"  How could we help but laugh at that?  I promise he isn't an abused child! ;-D  And in the end I am reminded that they are incredibly special, incredibly bright, incredibly talented, incredibly loving -- but they are still just siblings, just human, and experiencing all of the emotions that come with it.  I'm trying to learn how to encourage the love to grow, how to weed out the bossy moments and nurture the tender ones, but some days that is also hard to know how to handle and what to do - or sometimes to even think about it in the midst of just living.  Cuz in the end, I'm just human, too! :-)

Brianna is so big!  There is nothing that makes my heart smile like seeing her face smile - watching her legs start to kick wildly and her eyes get really big and excited when I walk into the room!  I love to make her laugh!  And she has the cutest little, short, almost gasping giggle!  It's not full-blown laughter very often.  It rarely lasts longer than two seconds at a time.  It's just a quick giggle or shrill of laughter - but always, always, always there is her sweet and tender smile, so easily won, so freely given, such complete and utter heart-melting material!

Her face is so round right now!  She's like a soft, silky little airy marshmallow!  It's so fun to see and to feel her face and snuggle her close as she nestles into me!  Tonight she was fussing and Dave picked her up.  She calmed a bit but not completely.  Then I went in and she looked at me and started to "talk" to me, so I picked her up.  That was it. She nestled close, put her cheek next to mine, and was just as content as could be.  I said, "You're right, Dave, she really is momma's little girl."  He said, "Yes she is - but that's okay cuz I have her whole life to change that!"  PUNK!  He's right, though -- Abby is Daddy's little girl - whether he's wrestling, having a tickle war, pulling her around on his leg, whatever - she cannot get enough of him!  She smothers him with kisses and conquers him with hugs.  She gives the BEST bear hugs you have EVER received!  The other day she took his face between both her hands and got right up close and kissed his lips and said, "I love you, Daddy!"  And every night afternoon for her nap or night after prayer, I tuck her and she calls after me, "I love you, Mamma!  Mom?  I love you!"  I love you, too, Abby!  More than you know!  Tonight she started crying, and I just went in and held her for a minute and covered her face and hair with kisses and rubbed her back and told her it was okay!  I LOVE those moments!

This afternoon I told the twins to choose a book for us to read.  Abby picked a counting book and started to read it to ME.  Isaac got an Arthur book - yes, a young reader version that has very few pictures and too many words/pages.  He sat by me on the sofa and laid his little head on my shoulder and listened.  And then he started to talk like he was in the middle of a very grown-up conversation. Finally, he had HAD it.  He looked up at me and growled right into my face -- and then the little puppy dog was off to find the fire engine and save the world!  He has such an amazing imagination!

The other day I realized he had been quiet for longer than I was comfortable with.  I called as I walked through the house, "Isaac.  I--saac!  Where are you?"  I heard the teasing reply, "I no know!"  I kept the game going.  "What? Where are you?"  "I no kno-oooow!"  I found him under a laundry basket in his bedroom, quietly hiding for who knows how long, waiting for me to come and "seek" him out.  He often plays hide and seek, and often with the laundry basket!  He can play by himself forever, and then when he gets tired of that he will come and find me or Abby or Brianna and play by himself next to us.  Sometimes - often, really - they play together.  But he really is good with either situation.  And when he decides to be cute and tender and soft and loving - he IS cute and tender and soft and loving!

And when Brianna sees Isaac and Abby or hears them playing or they stand around the bouncy seat and play with her and talk to her and push her seat (sometimes a LOT too hard), she is just enthralled.  She's quick to let them know when she has had it - but she is also quick to forgive when they have been too rough.  Her eyes get so big, just in awe of everything they do and all the love they give her.  And I am learning to not protect her too much and make them feel like the bad guys.  They are almost always just as concerned as I am when their play gets too hard or not mindful enough of her as it should be and she starts to cry.  Isaac is almost always first to say sorry or ask her what happened.  And if I pick her up to rescue her, he always asks me to put her back so he can keep playing with her.

He also loves to hold her -- they both do, but he seems to request it more than Abby does, though Abby will stay with it longer when she does "hold" Brianna.  I am learning that I don't give them that opportunity often enough.  And they EAT IT UP every time I do.

And when Brianna boogies on my lap, she's as limber as Michael Jackson -- she has some smooth moves!  And she loves every second of it!  And Abby and Isaac always ask to boogie, too!  But they're not as easy to hold and zip and zoom across the room.  Today I was doing a workout video in my room while the girls slept and Isaac played in the living room.  Pretty soon he came to find me.  After a few seconds of trying to follow the moves and moving my handweights from here to there a few times, he said, "Mommy - I wanna watch exercise movie!  I want watch the music!"  I've got singing, dancing stars on my hands.  I LOVE it!

Prayer of the Children

Can you hear the prayer of the children on bended knee, in the shadow of an unknown room? Empty eyes with no more tears to cry turning heavenward toward the light.
Last night the kids were so moody and wound up that we decided, after a lot of attempts to get them settled down, some yelling and spanking for them not listening, some time-outs, etc., etc., etc. - to split them up and have one-on-one prayer with them.  Isaac and David had banged heads a little more than he and I had, so I took a broken-hearted and overtired Isaac into his room to have prayer while Daddy got a hyper-active, bouncing off the walls Abby.

When we entered his room, he immediately knelt down on the floor.  I followed suit.  He climbed up on my lap for a minute, and I gave him a hug, and then he knelt down in front of me and said,

"Dear Heavenly Father - thank oo this day, please bless Isaac, no more spankins, in the name of Jesus Kist - Awmen."

It was all said very quietly, through a few leftover sobs.  I was speechless.  I didn't even say amen because I didn't know what to say.  His tired, tearful blue eyes looked up at me.  He climbed up on my lap and got another hug and then quickly knelt back down and said his normal prayer. 

During all of this, I hadn't said anything.  And I realized he probably noticed I didn't say amen and decided he hadn't said his prayer right and needed to say it again.  I softly said amen this time, not wanting to send the wrong message, and pulled him into a big hug and told him I had loved BOTH of his prayers and was very proud of him and that we had had a really hard night but we loved him very, VERY much. 

He got right into bed, and I went to find his cup of milk.  And paused en route to tell his daddy what he had just prayed.  Then Daddy took a minute to go in and talk to his tender-hearted little boy.  He left Isaac laughing, smiling, and Isaac returned David's "I love you" with "Yuv you" - which has become less common as an immediate response lately.

Can you hear the prayers of the children?  They're walking through the shadows of so many unknown rooms, trying to figure out what it's all about, what their boundaries are, what their voices are, what they can do and what it's okay to feel and when it's okay to just say now or no or enough or "I no want it" or stop or help or "please bless Isaac, no more spankins."

I was amazed and so thankful that my little two-year-old has already learned the concept of prayer and asking for what is in your heart.  Because I know from so many experiences that THAT is what will get him out of those shadows.  That THAT is what will put him in tune with the LIGHT that he will need in unknown rooms my crazy imagination hasn't even visualized.  And I know that he has just reminded ME of this fact because sometimes I forget.

And I know we make so many mistakes along the way with him - with both of them - with each other, even.  But I guess that's what walking through and kneeling in unknown shadows is all about - learning, gaining enlightenment, coming to know -- know our limitations, know our strengths; know our hearts, know our way, know when to crawl, when to walk, and when to stop and kneel; know how to rise and walk and apologize and laugh and love and sleep and wake and try again -- another day.

And all this speechless mommy can say to this whole experience is: Amen, Isaac!  Amen.

Almost . . .

Tonight we were driving home, dinner (at 8:00 at night) in the front seat with my mom as I drove.  Here's the conversation:

Abby: Mommy - I hungee.
Me: I know, honey, but we're almost . . . we're getting closer, okay; so please just sit tight until we get there and then we can eat.  Okay?
Abby: (reluctant whine) Okay.

Isaac: Mommy, dink of water, please. Dink of water, please Mommy.
Abby: Almost, Isaac.  Almost.  Isaac?  Almost, okay Isaac.  Almost house, Isaac, okay?

Me: (smile at my sweet girl taking care of her brother and the fact that Isaac asked so politely)

Brianna starts crying uncontrollably.  I reach over the back seat and put my finger in her mouth cuz I cannot reach/find her paci (yes, I'm driving  -- you do what you gotta do sometimes).

Me: Brianna -- it's okay, honey.  We're almost there.  Brianna, honey.  Calm down, it's okay.
(crying continues - light turns green - I focus on the road)
Abby: Honey - okay, Nanna.  Okay.  Almost house, Nanna.  Honey - Nanna - okay, Nanna.

They hear everything, don't they?  Sometimes, that's a really good thing. :-)

Dark Clouds with Silver Linings

I realize that my blog update a few days ago was a bit negative.  I would apologize, but I'm kind of coming to realize that bad days or bad seasons are what they are.  They are part of this life experience that make it what it is.  And though there are silver linings to dark clouds, the silver wouldn't shine through without the contrast of the darkness of the cloud.  Sometimes you can be depressed without being clinical and you can have a bad day without being cynical. ;-D

That said, throughout all of this, I was constantly reminded to see the positive by my dear husband.  He's amazing at always seeing the positive.  Even as he has been in bed, taking every drug possible, completely exhausted, locked away from the kids, and totally out of the first week of Brianna's life and all the tiny little moments that I am so blessed to experience, he still says, "In all honesty, Melinda, this week hasn't been that bad.  I've been able to keep going to work, we have an extra room where I can go to stay away from the baby and the twins, and your mom is here to help fill in the gaps.  So really, we've been blessed!"

And we have.  So here are some silver linings I've noticed and sought to see along the way (and by silver linings I mean Heavenly Father's hand and tender mercies gifted directly to us in packages of all shapes and sizes):

1) If Dave's fever hadn't broken the first time, he wouldn't have been there for Brianna's birth.  Which might not have been a bad thing, you might say, since it would have kept her from being exposed to whatever he has.  HOWEVER, that's another silver lining because I am sure Heavenly Father surrounded her with angels to protect her from this mystery flu and allow him to at least be there for her birth and the first hours of her life.

2) If the hospital stay had been more pleasant and Abby hadn't broken out from the allergic reactions to her medicine, my husband would not have taken her to Quick Care that night and have put off yet again going to the doctor to get help for his symptoms because -- let's face it -- who wants to go and sit for hours and hours at "Quick Care" after one long day at work and before another?  NO ONE!  So thankfully, I was inspired to get out of there; Abby was broken out and needed someone to take her in; and Dave had no way to avoid getting to the doctor.  Sure, it was inconclusive, but it was also a starting point.

3) If Brianna hadn't been jaundicey, I wouldn't have had a quick follow-up the next day and wouldn't have talked to the doctor who told me there was no way Dave had strep throat while on antibiotics.  And now that doctor is overseeing and ordering all of the other tests to try and find out what Dave DOES have.

4) If Abby hadn't had a SECOND allergic reaction to the benedryl for her FIRST allergic reaction, we wouldn't have been in to see the doctor and wouldn't have found her double ear infection or strep throat.  Then we wouldn't have gotten Isaac in there to be diagnosed either.  AND, to top off those tender mercies, the doctor was good enough to give my mom sample antibiotics to get her through all of this because she has medical conditions that would have made it REALLY bad for her to have gotten the strep throat (like hospitalization bad).  And with Idaho Medicare as her primary insurance, she couldn't see or be treated by a doctor in California.  She can only go in Idaho.  So it was an amazing blessing that she was able to get the medicine she needed to avoid and/or work through all of this crazy sickness stuff that was hitting the kids.  AND . . .

5) My mom having antibiotics made it possible for her to take care of the kids worry-free while I kept my little Brianna away from them until they had been on medicine long enough to not be contagious anymore.  Had she not been "treated" and/or had she gotten the strep infection, I would have had to find a way to keep Brianna at a distance while taking care of FOUR sickleys.

6) Brianna has been the best, best, best baby EVER!!!  Yes, she has the cold.  And no, it's never fun for a newborn to have to deal with all that cruddy flu stuff when they're still trying to figure out this mortal body of theirs and how it feels and works and what not.  HOWEVER, she didn't get all the symptoms.  She's been protected (from breastfeeding or angels or a combination of both) to not get anything else that's flying around in this house.  And she has handled it really, really well.

7) My delivery could not have gone smoother.  Events and circumstances surrounding the delivery definitely could have.  But the delivery itself was everything I had been praying for for the entire pregnancy.  I had very little internal tearing; once she came, she just came; I didn't have to have a c-section or anything else; and even the post-pregnancy pain has been very bearable in comparison to what I experienced last time and could have experienced this time.  The only thing I feel I have to watch is doing too much -- picking up the twins or whatever.  And that is SUCH a HUGE blessing!!!

8) Modern medicine!!!  I mean, they have the initial strep test and the lab where they send the swab away to make sure they diagnosed it correctly.  They can draw your blood and run tests for any number of diseases and have answers within hours or a few days.  Truly a blessing!

9) Abby and Isaac!!!  I was worried about them waking up and not being around.  But I went into the hospital after we put them to bed and we had a baby about an hour before they woke up, so they were able to come and spend the first hour of her life with us in the hospital!!!  The timing could not have been more perfect!!!  And they have love love loved her!  Tonight as we drove back from a small road trip to look at potential places to live, Abby held Brianna's hand for the entire last leg of the trip and sat back there saying, "Shhhhh, baby -- it's okay!"  And Isaac is the first to run and tell me if she's crying and always says, "What wrong Anna?  Why cwying, Anna?  You hungee?  Huh?"  They have had a hard road with a new baby, Mommy being locked up in the bedroom with her so many hours of the day, Daddy being locked up in the office so much they forget he's around, etc.  But they have done really, really well with it all.  They are such a blessing to each other and to this new little baby -- not to mention to me!!!

10) My mom, my mom, my mom!  I can't say enough thanks for all she has done and the way things lined up for her to be here through all of this!  It hasn't been the tranisition time she or I had planned on, but it has been so nice to not be alone through all of it, to be able to rest and to take care of Brianna without worrying about the twins.  It's been nice to not be alone and to have someone to talk to and laugh with and even eat all that junk I'm not supposed to be eating right now with.  She has been an angel, a true Godsend!!! 

11) You know how they say that you don't appreciate something until you've lost it.  I love love love and appreciate David so much!!!  I miss being with him, laughing with him, talking with him, having him hold me while we make dinner and the kids run around or wrestling with the kids to see who gets to sit next to him right after he's come home from work.  I miss holding hands when we pray or laying my head on his shoulder while we read scriptures at night.  I miss him having energy to do things and being able to talk to him without him being so exhausted that it's never a good time.  I miss watching movies with him at night because he's always too tired to stay awake through them, even on the weekends.  Just so many things that have been gone for so long but have REALLY been completely gone this last week. 

12) The sun before the storm.  In the Triage, I was doing "labor lunges" - I got them from one of my workout videos.  He thought it was HILARIOUS and took a picture of his "hard core wife."  And we had so much fun playing Quiddler and talking and laughing and arguing about whether or not I was going to get the epidural.  And I'm thankful for those small moments before everything else hit.  And I'm looking forward to having them again VERY SOON!!!!

13) My sister Monique.  She has held the fort taking care of my 94-year-old grandma, two five-year-old cousins that don't always see eye to eye, a buddingly independent two-year-old, and a 10-month-old baby.  NEED I SAY MORE about what a HUGE blessing it has been for her to take on such a HUGE load to allow my mom to be with me. 

It's late!  That's all I can think of/remember tonight!  But if I think of something else, I'll add it to the list!

And doesn't that gray cloud look so much prettier somehow with all of that beautiful silver surrounding it?  I sure think so! ;-D

P.S.

P.S. -- I am going to write a silver lining post tomorrow to highlight all of the tender mercies I've noticed/searched for in all that has happened the last month.  But for tonight, I just want to add that in the midst of all of this, Abby has decided she is ready to be done with diapers.  As in I literally have been taping her diapers on her with duct tape to keep her from taking them off whenever she pees or poops in them because I just can't handle it and the already few accidents she has had in the process.  *sigh*  Any potty training resources or ideas for fast and painless that you want to pass on would be MUCH appreciated.

In the meantime, Isaac went to sleep without his pacifier tonight.  *peaceful smile*

And Brianna hasn't learned yet that at one week old, she isn't supposed to be able to roll over onto her side or her stomach.  Which, after finding her face down last night and freaking OUT, I have decided to tell her she is way too young to do things like this.

And I have decided that breastfeeding is God's gift to mothers.  How else do you get to have a few precious moments of undisturbed closeness to your newborn to figure them out in the most personal, intimate way?  Even if toddlers and life distract you throughout the day, there are those silent, fleeting moments in the middle of the night when you get to look into their inquiring eyes, hold their little hands in yours, and have mommy/daughter popcorn and hot chocolate talks that will never go beyond the two of you and leave strong, deep impressions of love and safety for them.  It is precious and tender indeed.  Such a blessing!!!

My Love Hate Relationship . . .

Food.  Yes, that's right.  And you are probably thinking that you know EXACTLY what I mean.  But let me expound, cuz you might be surprised.

See, since we came to California, I have developed an incredible disdain for all things food! 

I hate mealtime -- hate, hate, hate it!  Mealtime around here consists of me sitting at the table for . . . sometimes an hour and a half . . . trying to get my twins to eat something . . . anything . . . just a few bites . . . no, no, focus, yes, I know there's a fly on the table, and that is STILL a bird out the window . . . no, we aren't eating (____), we are eating THIS right now . . . Daddy isn't here . . . yep, he's at work . . . you don't need milk right now because then you won't eat anything, so just take a bite . . . ooh, that IS an airplane, yes very cool, but . . . wait, stop, don't hit her . . . we do NOT throw food on the floor . . . please just sit down and EAT!!!

Three or four or five or six times a day.  Depends on the day.  And what I'm eating/what my food schedule is.

Add in heartburn, stage left.  I don't remember having heartburn this bad the last time around . . . or this frequently!  I basically LIVE on tum, tum, tum, tum . . . . TUMS!!!!  Extra strength, sugar free -- thanks, Dave!!!  I don't get through the night without them.  And it seems whenever I try to eat to feed the heartburn with something besides antacids, it just makes things worse!

Add in Dave's summer diet, stage right.  I love that he is getting into his diet, and I am so proud of him.  He has had a tough last few years, and we plan on growing old together VERY GRACEFULLY!  But it's been hard to find things that he can/should eat and the twins WILL eat (albeit with much prodding) and my body won't completely turn on me if I eat.  So preparing for mealtime is almost as exhausting as mealtime itself.

And somehow in the midst of all of that, I have developed this inability to eat!  Like I have to force myself to eat things (even things that are horrible for me that I SHOULD be craving . . . like cinnamon rolls, for example).  And most of the time, I finish and feel really nautious, wishing I hadn't indulged for even a second.

The things that have managed to escape the "odiousness" list are a whole wheat english muffin with an egg on it (just salt and pepper, nothing else, please!), sugar-free root beer floats, lightly-sweetened rice pudding (made with brown rice), oatmeal . . . and right now, that's really all that comes to mind when I try to think of something I enjoy eating.

Add in nights like tonight -- when my kids (Isaac), who have not eaten all day, even though they have taken PLENTY of mom's time and energy stores to NOT do it, wake up at midnight, sobbing like they have just had their hearts wripped out because . . . "I hungee!  Cee-wee-al!  Momma!  Ceeweeal!  Hungee . . . hungee (sob, sob, sob)!"

And I get them (Isaac) cereal . . . still going through much of the same routine . . . cursing the day and the things I couldn't get them to touch with a ten-foot pole . . . and wishing I had bought more Quaker Oatmeal Squares last week when they were on sale because I can't afford them at regular price and my kids . . . well, they are LOVIN' THEM SOME OATMEAL SQUARES CEREAL . . . even at midnight!

Oh food that I used to LOVE and struggled to walk away from, when will this HATE subside so we can have a RELATIONSHIP again?  Cuz to be perfectly honest, I don't know how many more days of THIS NONSENSE I can handle.

Fingerpainting with . . . . Dare I say it?

Last night I was taking a shower to keep mysle from itching the watery blisters I had discovered on my aching and recovering back (we took the kids to the water park last weekend -- their spray-on sunscreen worked wonders for them but did NOTHING for Dave and I's backs . . . and we've been recovering ever since).

Suddenly, the door opens and a very upset and frustrated David walks in.

David: Melinda . . . take him in there with you.
Me: (just noticing that a naked Isaac has brown all over his chest)  What happened?  What is that?
David: Well, Isaac decided to take off his diaper, which was filled with poop, and spread it all over.  And I mean ALL OVER.  It's all over him, all over the floor . . .
Me: Which floor?
David: In the kitchen.  And now I have to clean it up!

During this exchange, I'm trying really hard to not laugh at how PUT OUT he is by having to . . . dare I say it . . . clean up an unexpected toddler mess?  And I'm trying really hard to NOT ask him what HE was doing while all of this took place.  Cuz let's face it -- Daddy isn't the only one that has had unexpecteds happen right under his nose, mostly while he was dealing with OTHER unexpecteds! :-)

He puts Isaac in the shower with me and starts to drag Abby back out with him.  She starts to cry like she just got left at home while her family went out for ice cream.  So I tell him to bring her back and put her in with me as well.  For two reasons: I would NEVER leave a child home while we went out for ice cream!  And Dave was at the end of his rope and could NOT have handled Abby's "help" while he cleaned up the mess. 

So we played in the shower (and by played I mean that I tried really hard to get them to NOT freak out every time the water hit them and to start to think that maybe showers are okay things every once in a while).

I guess I need to make a more valiant effort at fingerpainting with my kids . . . if only to teach them that there are some things you just do NOT use to fingerpaint!

And I KNOW Dave is going to be really glad some day that I kept track of these little "memories" for him!  Hehehehehe! ;-D

A Few Pictures -- Part 1

My family is having a family reunion next weekend -- like the first in I don't even know how long!  Anyway, my cousin Gina volunteered to make a picture CD for everyone of the entire family and requested pics.  Since our computer and external hard drive were stolen in last weekend's San Diego trip Chaffee family crime debut, I had to do a LOT of work (like we're talking two hours last night and at least four hours today) to get her some pics.  And here is what I came up with.  Incidentally, this was a tender mercy BECAUSE there were pictures we had downloaded to Dave's laptop and the FIRST external hard drive for backup that we hadn't downloaded to the SECOND external hard drive.  And when we went to download the San Diego pics, lo and behold there were some pictures from the originals that were still there.  Not all of them, mind you, but enough that we were so glad we hadn't lost the twins' first trip to the zoo and Dave's faux graduation pictures! (We took them after graduation cuz we didn't really do the whole "walk through the line and listen to people talk about the university and your duty as alums" thing.  Is that un-American?  An insult to academia?  Hmmmm . . . .)

Anyway -- ENJOY!!!