In the Still of the Night

It has been such a long - LONG - time since I wrote anything.  It all started with my mom, sister, and niece being here from Idaho! 

We went to the San Diego Zoo's Safari Park, an island near San Diego (Carlsbad?  I'll have to check - it was definitely unforgettable and worth recording), and Disneyland to celebrate the twins' THIRD birthday BEFORE they were actually three and we had to pay to celebrate it there with them. (Incidentally - if you ever go, check Craigslist for tickets!  We got two adult Park Hopper tickets for $100 - and an evening and night at Disneyland is TOTALLY worth $100. I mean, you'll pay $50 just for dinner for two at a fancy restaurant these days!!!  The parade and fireworks and night show on the lake, the Casey Junior ride with all the little model towns lit up, the night lights on the town and the gorgeous buildings -- all AMAZINGLY magical! And if you have a chance to go with someone who is handicapped, even better!  We got to go through a special line and rarely had to wait more than FIVE MINUTES for EVERY ride!  In fact, I don't think I'll ever go there again without my mom . . . . or I'll just rent a wheelchair and strap on my "boot" from my foot surgery and enjoy!  Just kidding . . . sort of! ;-D  But in all seriousness, hats off to Disneyland because it was such great fun watching my mom RIDE THE RIDES with my kids -- and that is something she would have NEVER been able to do if we'd had to fight through traffic and crowds with her!)

We made these AWESOME Family Home Evening boards.  I'll have to post pictures later, but since I've wanted a Family Home Evening Board for the last THREE YEARS, it was that much greater to put our noses to the grindstone and our pedals to the medal to drive around for FOUR days, through FOUR towns until we got JUST the right accessories to do everything JUST the way we wanted it.  (Incidentally, since you might not know what an FHE Board is: think job chart where you rotate assignments, except it's for fun things -- song, scripture, prayer, activity, treat -- these are the things we include in our once a week family night that is just that - a NIGHT set aside for the family to have some quality, focused, fun-filled time together!)  And since I have my other sister for Christmas - she got an early Christmas present and now has one as well!

A few days after my family went home, Dave's family flew/drove down to have a long weekend with us as well.  And what was supposed to be another fun-filled weekend turned into an IMMENSE tender mercy and testimony of how aware God is of the SMALLEST DETAILS of our lives, preparing the way even before we know a way needs prepared!  Isaac was sick, so I kept he and Brianna home with me while Dave drove down to pick his sister up at the airport to drive over and meet his brother and sister-in-law for dinner.  His sister-in-law had been in Los Angeles for the month to spend time with her family while her husband - Anson - was finishing his tour in Afghanistan.  WHILE THEY WERE EATING DINNER WITH MINIE, she got a Facebook message that said, "I heard about Anson - I am so sorry!  Let me know if you need anything."  She had NOT heard about Anson.  And when she made calls, she was told that there was an accident but he was fine - just a few minor scrapes and bruises.  So they continued to have a fun-filled night.  But when they got back to Lancaster, his sister said that she just didn't have a good feeling about it.  At 6:00 the next morning, we got a call from their mom that Anson had been hit by a grenade and was in a coma, on his way to a hospital in Germany.  And that news began an intensely emotional roller coaster of a weekend that ended with Anson being flown from Germany to Bethesda, MD to the Naval Hospital there.  It has been a long row to hoe.  Most of Dave's family has flown back there to see him.  Dave and I couldn't afford to fly there with the kids, so we took some time and went and spent a few days with Dave's dad while we all waited to see what would happen with him.  It soon became clear that he would be in a coma for a long time and there would be complications, infections, blood transfusions, etc. along the way that would and continues to make it a difficult journey. 

And through it all what continues to shine through is our faith!  And knowing that from the beginning (incidentally, the accident happened almost EXACTLY at the moment that Dave was picking his sister up from the airport to go over and have dinner with Minie - and Dave's other sister had decided the NIGHT BEFORE to also fly down and spend the weekend with us), God was in the details!  Dave's family NEVER gets together!  NE-VER!  And Anson's family lives in Louisiana.  So to have five out of the seven kids accounted for when he was injured was pretty miraculous!  The support, the love, the coming together, the laughter over tears, the tears over tears, the prayers as we knelt together, the fasting together that Sunday morning, the last-minute flights and travel plans, the offers to take care of their children while Minie was with him, just EVERY SINGLE DETAIL and EVERY MOMENT OF FAITH AND HOPE AND LOVE were obvious love notes from a very aware and loving Heavenly Father to His children.  As was the incredible blessing of modern technology as we were able to spread the news quickly to so many people and begin immediately to receive added prayers and support and love from friends and strangers alike!  It has been a MOST humbling experience!

The twins turned THREE on Monday!  Since we had already spent a lot of money on Disneyland, we had a simple birthday party here.  We got a discounted cheesecake sampler and the cheap a la cheap strawberry ice cream from WalMart.  And we picked up Dora and Diego toothbrushes so they would have something to open!  They were so thrilled!!!!  Then their nursery teacher, Sister Black, came over and brought them magnetic trains and coloring packets.  Nursery leaders are the BEST!!! You'd think she plays with them for two hours every Sunday and knows what they like or something!  Isaac didn't put that train down!  They even snuck it into the bathtub that night (and I learned why they had been playing so contently for over an hour and a half)!  And he sleeps with it and would eat with it if toys were allowed at the table!  It was great, great fun!  And I am amazed and humbled that they are getting SO BIG, SO FAST!!!  Tonight Abby asked me what I was looking at.  When I told her I was looking for recipes, she said, "You're looking at recipes?  Oh.  That's cool."  And when Isaac tells me, "Mommy - please don't spank my bottom.  That not very nice!  That make me sad!"  I realize over and over how GROWN up my kids are!  It's been fast and furious, but I really would not change a moment!  And I pray every night that I get to enjoy a lifetime more with them!

Also on Monday, my nephew Jared, who has had seizures for years, went through some pretty intense testing to see if they can do surgery to stop the seizures.  The family took turns sitting with him - he couldn't be left alone for a single minute for like three days of testing - and in the end, we are hopeful they were able to get some good information and a better solution for him and his family is very near!!!  I am amazed at the strength of his family and thankful that my family always pulls together, however they can!

We went to Dave's work for family day the Friday before the twins' birthday.  It is the only day you are allowed past the security gates and locks.  We got to see really cool airplanes, including the one Dave has been involved in testing.  And they had a barbeque and shaved ice and a giant blown-up trampoline with an attached slide!  The kids LOVED it!  And Dave said they ordered the 108 degree weather just for us to appreciate what they go through out there in the desert where it is ALWAYS hotter than we get here . . . in the desert! Whatever!  I know he planned it just to have something to complain about and try to get me to feel sorry for him.  Total manipulation at it's worst! ;-D

And yesterday we took the kids to the fair!  They actually handled it pretty well when we told them we didn't have money for the taunting rides and souvenirs.  But they didn't handle it so well when we pulled them away from the animals in the animal barns!  Abby had a meltdown every time!  They LOVED the goats and sheep and chickens and turkeys and chicks and ducks and rabbits and -- oh the excitement when Abby saw a "MAMA!  Mommy, Mommy, it's a MAMA" (llama) in the petting zoo!  She would NOT leave its side for more than a few seconds before she was looking everywhere to find where it had walked away to!  And by not leave its side, I mean she literally had her hand on its side, patting it reassuringly as she moved wherever it did!  Brianna would whip around me from side to side, eyes and mouth wide open when an animal would walk past us or try to eat my clothes in search of food!  Though she was never sure enough to pet them more than a few pats, she was still incredibly intrigued!  Isaac was equally intrigued but demonstrated it differently.  Like when he pulled the already angry turkey's tail feathers just minutes after I had pulled him AWAY from the practically hissing bird.  Or when he walked right up to the potbelly pigs in the petting zoo, contently sleeping lazily on the side of the fence, and pushed them so hard they actually started to ROLL OVER before I snatched him back (and the roley poley animals rolled right back to their original places)!  I managed to keep his fingers out of the bird cages, but it was incredibly hard when the ducks encouraged him by quacking BACK when he quacked in their faces!  They both wanted to jump on the goats' backs and ride them -- I mean, who wouldn't?  That's what you do, right?  And I was certain we were going to have a few toddlers overboard in the fountain/wishing well!  Add in the sheep roundup with the sheep dogs and I think you can begin to imagine how much FUN our night at the fair was!

Tonight we played a game of Dora the Explorer's Candy Land.  Abby is great at games!  It is so much fun!  Isaac doesn't have the same zeal/attention span for it! But it's still really fun to actually be SITTING DOWN TOGETHER as a family and playing games!  We also have a little hummingbird that has popped up in the last few weeks and likes to fly in front of my kitchen window!  I'll have to see if I can find a reasonably-priced feeder to bring it back!  That would be a fun thing to watch with the kids every day.

In the meantime, Brianna is literally walking CIRCLES around everything and every room!  Seriously she is so proud that she can walk that every time we applaud her - still a bit surprised to see her everywhere and into everything - she gets a proud smile and starts walking in circles, like she's showing off on just how WELL she really IS doing!  She loves it!  And tonight she sat at the table with ALL of us for dinner - no tray between her and the family!  She is saying a few words very clearly, like when she calls for Daddy ("DA!") or shouts "HI!" as she waves to anyone lucky enough to be within range!  Of course she says "Ma-muh - Ma-muh!" and tonight even started saying, "Na-nuh" for night-night!  She has two front teeth and is incredibly adventurous!  And more than once we caught her dancing away on top of Dave's shoulders as we heard music while walking around the fair.  I've just started weaning her, and she loves to drink water from her cup (we're still working on milk -- the weaning from mom process has been a little hard for her, for both of us really as it has gone a lot more quickly than I intended because my milk took the first cue and headed south for the winter).  And she is really the sweetest little angel with the most amazing laugh and contagious smile!  She also sings a LOT!  The most recognizable is "E-I-E-I-O!"  And she LOVES to play with and around the kids.  Tonight Isaac was tackling her and pulling her and patting her head and even trying to ride her!  And through it all, she was as gleeful and giggly as could be!

As for Dave and I -- the other night he told me how much he has realized in the last few weeks that he REALLY WANTS TO DATE ME!  So I guess you could say we're doing pretty good! ;-D  With Brianna weaning from me and this sudden realization after three and a half years that we like each other enough to "date" - life is great! :-)

It is late, but I couldn't let another week go by without updating.  It has been a fast and furious few months.  But life is too short to let those moments go by as just moments!  And if anything were to happen to any of us, we would ALL treasure more than anything the fact that we have even these vague notes to go back to and learn and grow and remember!  And that is priceless!

And if you've stayed with me to the end of this update from the last few months, you get a gold medal!!!  Or at least a gold star of appreciation.  I mean, THAT is true friendship! :-)  And you can never have enough such friends!  Thank you!

Happy Anniversary!

Yesterday was Dave and I's THIRD anniversary!  I seriously feel like we've been on a ride since day ONE.  And that we should have been married for like ten years instead of three -- I mean, in the last three years we have had three children, Dave graduated, we bought a condo, remodeled it from the ground up, bought a car, moved to California, went through sickness and surgery until I can't even talk about it anymore - the list is endless.  And all in JUST THREE YEARS?

And of all the amazing things I could talk about that we have experienced together, there is one thing that I learned on our date last night:

There is nowhere more calming, comforting, peaceful, secure, the list goes on and on - than in Dave's arms.  We sat on the sofa and watched a movie for the first time in months - MONTHS.  There weren't kids running around or dodging in between us or pushing one or the other of us away to have their own cuddle time with Mommy/Daddy.  There weren't fires to put out, messes to clean up, fights to stop, toys to return, time-outs to get through, temper tantrums, high-pitched squeals or cries or laughter or whatever.  There wasn't a welcome but draining dinner guest or game guest or other type of guest to keep our attention at least partially diverted from each other to focus on our visitors and play the role of host and hostess.  There was nothing but us and the movie (until Brianna got hungry, but even she fit very nicely into my little moment of bliss).

And with all my talk of dating before Brianna was born, we somehow forgot completely to date -- or perhaps just the fact that the number one ingredient in our dates is uninterrupted time spent together.

But I have to say that - well, starting at the very beginning is a very good place to start.  And this was the beginning of all future anniversary celebrations.  What a blessing!

Date Night Box

I know I have written about this before, but I wanted to write a more detailed description of what I call the "Date Night Box."

First, the outside:

Source: http://www.katherinebley.com/live_laugh_love_scrapbook/2010/05/altered-gift-box.html

1) Go to your local dollar store (or Goodwill or garage sales or whatever) and find a box that is big enough to hold 3x5 index cards but not so big it will take up a lot of extra space and be bulky.
2) Sort through your scrapbook paper (or scraps, or go to the dollar store or another scrapbooking store) and find two complimentary designs that you think would be fitting for a Date Night Box.
3) Take off any paper, frills, etc. from your box.
4) Cut your scrapbook paper a little larger than the actual size of the box, so you can wrap the edges where needed and also cover any seams.  Combine both color schemes to completely re-cover the box (and lid) -- even the inside, if it doesn't go with your theme and/or distracts your creative eye.

Source: http://www.savedbylovecreations.com/2010/02/decorate-box-with-scrapbook-paper-and.html

5) Using a Cricut or other machine (or just printing your lettering off on the computer and putting in the extra work to do letters out of it), cut out the letters "Date Night!" - or some other catchy phrase of your choice, depending on how you talk about and look at date nights in your marriage/home.
6) Paste or use Mod Poge to put the letters on the front of the box.

You may also want to put magnets on it to put it on the refrigerator or a filing cabinet or something.  Just decide where it is going to be displayed so that it is used and not just gathering dust as a fine new piece of art.

Second, the inside:
1) Buy a pack of 3x5 index cards (colored or plain, lined or not - it's up to you).  You need at least 52 cards!
2) Decorate them to match the outside of the box, or go simple - whichever you choose.  Just make sure that whatever you do doesn't get in the way with you GETTING it done and ENJOYING the PURPOSE of the box.
3) Divide the 52 cards into four piles: one for emotional intimacy, one for intellectual intimacy, one for physical intimacy (NOT necessarily sex, but building intimacy through physical things), and one pile for spiritual intimacy.
4) Decide what your budget for the year is going to be and assign an equal number of cards in each pile a $1, $5, $10, $20, etc. so that the amounts add up to your budget limit.  (This will also help you get really creative in your ideas.)
5) Fill in the cards in each pile with an activity that will help you build/create intimacy in that particular category.  There are TONS of great date ideas out there on the web.  You just have to find them and either use them to come up with your own ideas or tweak them to fit your budget/interests.  A few that I found are here, here, here, and here.  *NOTE* -- It is really important that you do this together.  I don't know about you, but my husband and I are NOT carbon copies of each other, and we enjoy different things to different degrees.  So you want to make sure that both of you are selecting things that sound appealing and give you a good mixture of things you will enjoy and things that will stretch you together.  For example, my friend and I came up with an idea to watch an episode of a dance competition and pretend you are the couple and try to imitate the dancing/dancers.  My husband does NOT dance; I miss it more than I can express!!!  So it would be a stretch for both of us (cuz I'm not professional dance competition material), but it would still be crazy and fun and a MEMORY that wouldn't cost ANYTHING!

6) Mix the cards up.  You can do this however you choose -- color coding, shuffling so you get everything at random, picking a theme for each month on what type of intimacy you want to focus on, choosing a fixed week each month for each type of intimacy, etc.  Decide what will work best for and be fun for you!!!

That's it!!!  And covering the box, depending on how tedious/experienced you are, could take you fifteen minutes.  Filling in the cards could be a fun date night to launch all date nights.  Oh, and you might want to put a wild card in there for the week of your anniversary!!!  And if any other holidays/birthdays conflict with the night of the week you have chosen for yourselves, have a mutual understanding that it will happen the night before or the night after the holiday.  Just make sure you are both on the same page and then . . . work done, play begins!!!

P.S. - Our camera has been out of commission (broken) for a few weeks now, so I don't have pictures of my box to post.  But I did find comparable pictures on other people's sites to give you a few ideas.

Icing on the Cake

Would you like some ROLL with that FROSTING?

So I know I am probably crazy, but I have this thing with cinnamon rolls.  See, I have been disappointed by almost EVERY store-bought cinnamon roll I have ever eaten (and even some homemade ones).  Why?  It just seems like they pack on OODLES and OODLES of frosting.  Not that I'm not a fan of frosting, but it always seems to me that a cinnamon roll that can't stand on its own feet . . . that needs frosting in order to taste good (and TONS of frosting at that) . . . is just not a cinnamon roll worth eating.

The same goes for ketchup.  I mean, if whatever you are eating needs KETCHUP smothered all over it in order to TASTE good, you aren't eating a good piece of (fill in the blank).  Like a hamburger, french fries, eggs, the list goes on.

Things like frosting and ketchup (which I really could live without and never miss for even one day) are SUPPOSED to be the "icing on the cake" that ENHANCES the goodness of what is already there; not the frosting on the cinnamon rolls that HIDES what the rolls themselves are lacking.

And tonight, I kind of think that this principle applies to a LOT of things.  I'm thinking about some legislation right now that probably shouldn't have passed and was covered by WAY TOO MUCH frosting; but I might just as soon be thinking about employment, relationships, activities, education, and any other number of things.

If it's lacking in substance . . . no amount of frosting is going to change that.

You can't fix a broken marriage by spending a lot of money on expensive gifts, trips, toys, etc.  It's just empty calories going into a malnourished situation.

I was also thinking about this in terms of dating.  Mostly post-marriage. (Cuz who hasn't heard enough about dating PRE-marriage . . . or more than enough sometimes? ;-D)  Maybe even particularly for people who have been married for 10 or 15 or 30 or 50 years. (Cuz again, we all get the advice to date as newlyweds and new parents; but what happens to dating for empty- or almost-empty-nesters?)

If you want to have a happy and successful marriage, one that will more than stand the test of time (but actually EXCEL in it) and all eternity, you can't fill it with a bunch of frosting.  It's going to get old.  It's going to leave you empty and craving and longing for something more.  It's going to leave you disappointed and wishing you hadn't even taken that first bite that left you just HAVING to eat more and more, TRYING to get some sort of satisfaction out of it, but ultimately feeling DISAPPOINTED, discouraged, EMPTY.

Some advice I've been thinking about (mostly that I received or heard others receive at SOME point in my life) to avoid the frosting trap and instead have an amazing cake with JUST the right amount of ENHANCING icing:

1) NEVER stop dating!  Yes, you -- you who are in your 50s and your kids are gone and you spend a lot of time on the road being grandma or throwing yourself into work and hobbies, rarely coming together with your spouse for more than a movie or dinner in a restaurant.  Yes, YOU -- you who have been married for five years and gotten so stuck in the daily grind and living on a budget that you don't even think about dating each other any more.  NEVER NEVER NEVER stop dating!  When Dave and I got married, our dear friend and Stake President counseled us to ALWAYS remember why we fell in love to begin with, what we did during that magical time, and to make sure we never lost it!!!  That is AMAZING advice (and talking about it/reminiscing sounds like a GREAT date-night idea to me!!!).

2) Think outside of the box.  I mean, how many times can you go out to dinner or see a movie (especially TODAY'S amazing media selection) without those days soon turning into LOTS AND LOTS of frosting?  Or maybe your movie night is a game night . . . and you play games all the time, so much so that it is normal, not special or a stretch in any way.  Remember when you first started dating and you used to get really creative about asking someone out on a date and/or responding when someone asked YOU on a date (maybe it's just an Idaho/Utah thing)?  Remember how much fun it was to plan and prepare every step of the way, all the time anticipating how much THE OTHER PERSON was going to enjoy it and get a KICK out of it?  Not to mention the fact that YOU ALREADY WERE!!!  Reading a book together or having a candlelight picnic in your living room or playing the Wii or doing a workout video together can all be REALLY fun and REALLY fulfilling activities IN THEIR TURN.  You just have to make sure they aren't the EVERY DAY things that you just CALL DATE NIGHT because they are typically labeled as "date ideas."

Dave's FAMOUS Chocolate Cake (a Curry Family SECRET Recipe)

3)  Cover your bases.  I was listening to a Christian radio station a few months ago, and the pastor/preacher was talking about unity in marriage.  He said that you have to make sure you maintain and fuel your marriage intellectually, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  If you leave any ONE of those things out (legs on a table, you might say), your marriage will dwindle (your table is going to fall over).  So if you do a lot of the SAME things, look at the big picture of what you are trying to do and become together.  And re-envision what it will take to get there.  And cover ALL of your bases.  Read a book together.  Exercise together.  Cook together.  Talk about your eternal potential and how you are going to move towards achieving it THAT VERY WEEK.  Talk.  Laugh.  Play.  Love.  Learn how to recover your furniture and do a project together.  Go to the temple together once a month.  And don't leave anything out.  Cover your bases!  Bake a cake that could stand on its own because it has the PERFECT amount of all of the necessary ingredients (but will be oh so much better with a little bit of frosting)!

4) Just DO it!  Nike has it right!  In the end, you can talk about it, plan for it, prepare for it, complain about it, listen to talks on tape about it, slander your husband to your girlfriends for not doing it, etc.  But what it all comes down to is that you have to just DO it.  Just DATE!!!  Just make time!!!  Just make it happen!  Don't get caught up in the preparations and having to find a babysitter or plan something amazingly memorable and earth-shattering.  Sometimes the simplest moments of silliness and laughter leave the most PROFOUND effects.  No excuses!  You aren't too old!  It's not for your children and grandchildren.  You're not too poor.  You're not too distanced from each other.  You're not too busy.  You just need to MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!  Today!  This week!

5) Remember it's about YOU!  Date nights aren't a time to go over the family budget or talk about the problems Jimmy is having in school or Jaime is having with her girlfriends or you are having with work or the world-at-large is having with the world-at-large.  Date nights aren't a time to schedule your week's activities or pay bills or fold laundry.  That's all another topic for another time.  (Like try a weekly companionship inventory or family council.)  Date nights ARE for you and your spouse to reconnect, rebuild, re-romance and "woo," refocus on and celbrate each other, on being a couple, on being one, on being each others sweethearts, on having fun, on walking down the SAME road in the SAME direction at the SAME speed . . . and all while holding hands, of course!  Your relationship is strictly yours.  You aren't your parents (however good or bad their relationship may have been).  You aren't that couple whose relationship you really admire or that one whose relationship you count your blessings every day that you are not stuck in!  But depending on what you do together TODAY, you will probably be ONE of those tomorrow. :-)  So decide what you want to be, what kind of a cake you want, what kind of frosting, what decorations, etc. and BECOME what you want!  But just focus on the cake -- not the entire meal, appetizers to entree to dessert.

I have some ideas, if you're interested (not because I'm good at this but because I decided TODAY, after reading this post and this post, that I AM GOING TO BE . . . so my mind is RACING around this topic right now).

That's all I've got . . . so far, anyway . . . though I reserve the right to edit/update as I go along and learn and do and become in MY reality with MY husband! ;-D