This Isn't Working For Me

While I was loading the dishwasher yesterday, Abby came in and - from out of the blue, with the most serious look and most adult tone-of-voice -- said to me, "Mom, this isn't really working for me right now."  Huh?  Brief moment of silence while I gathered my thoughts.

"What isn't working for you, Ab?"

Exasperated sigh, roll of the eyes, intense look on her face that said, "Ugh, MOM! Do I really have to spell it out for you?"  But she simply said, "THIS!"

Thanks for clearing that up for me. "This? What is this?"

Again the look.  "THIS!!!!!" This time, she reached her arm up in a sweep and pointed from wall to ceiling to wall.

Wow - where did you ever hear that expression and how am I actually having this conversation with my three-year-old? "This . . . . house?"

Immediately her face changed to one of excitement!  Her eyes gleamed, her brows lifted, her smile lit up the entire room. "Uh-huh!"  I don't know if I had really gotten what she was saying or if I had given her something she could work with, but whichever it was, she was happy.  Then she said, "I just really want to go back to Grandpa's house!"  Ah.  Grandpa's house.  The cows.  And horses. And chickens. And real live cats. The garden and picking fresh strawberries. The acres of land to roam and wander. The family walks down country roads.

I explained to her that we really couldn't go to Grandpa's house right now.  But that we would get all of that someday. 

Someday.

I have been thinking about the future - that dreamlike state of mind that sometimes feels so distant I feel like I'd as soon capture a cloud as reach it.  And sometimes it seems so real I have to remind myself that it isn't.  It's easy to get caught up in what you don't have but know you love and want.  Like Grandpa's house!  And it's good to have those moments.  To say at times, "This isn't really working for me right now!"  Because those moments help you define what you really want, what matters the most, what WILL work for you!  And I am a FIRM believer in CREATING the life and conditions you want.  If it is attainable and you really want it, find a way to have it.  Do NOT sit back and wait for things to change or someone to hand it to you.  Do NOT sit back and tell yourself it isn't something you can have, that it is out of reach.  Because the moment you tell yourself that is the moment you are right.  The moment you reject that thought, or the moment you extract it from your mind, is the moment you create a setting for successfully becoming and doing what you most desire in life!

But sometimes you also just have to say, "This is my reality right now and there's nothing I can do about it, so I might as well live, laugh, and love it!"  That isn't conceding.  That's accepting what is real WHILE YOU WORK TO CREATE what is ideal!

Yesterday I spent hours putting together meals-from-scratch that I can freeze to create my own freezer meals for skillet or crockpot preparation on those "crunch" days.  Okay, every day seems to be a crunch day!!! ;-D  I've spent the last few weeks emptying my freezer of all of the "fast-food"-style freezer food.  No worries - I didn't throw it in the garbage!  We actually ate it.  We don't have money to just throw stuff away.  But we were rotating it out . . . for good!  From Weight Watchers to Lean Quisine.  Processed is out.  Made-from-scratch with ingredients I can recognize, those that will actually mold or spoil if left out, is in.  That is a change I can create right now!  That is a goal I can accomplish!  Granted, I only finished one dish.  But if I do 14 servings of one dish every day, or every other day, pretty soon I'll have QUITE the freezer full of DELICIOUS food!

And I'll have weeded out for good just one thing in my life that "isn't really working for me right now."

A Little Inspiration Goes a LONG Way!!!

I thought this was awesome. So I wanted to share. To remember. To have something to look back on when I forget. Because anything is possible. If you really want it badly enough! (Except maybe choosing exactly WHEN your baby will come into the world. But that's a different story altogether!)

Run, Forrest, RUN!!!

Okay, so I've been participating in this month-long celebration of the family, which most days has really helped my attitude about my kids and my home and being a mother and a wife and everything.  In fact, I have really enjoyed it and felt uplifted and strengthened and excited about so many things!  And I've found myself researching and seeking answers and inspiration more and more, which I LOVE and miss about myself!  But today . . .

I wanted to run away and never look back!!!

I was snapping at my kids for things like them screaming at me that they just saw a fly . . . or an airplane . . . for the umpteenth time!  I mean, I can get excited with them for a while, but other than getting excited and saying, "You saw an airplane?" "Yeah!" "Wow!  That is SO COOL!" fifteen times before they stop TELLING me that they saw an AIRPLANE (or heard one, in our case, and then dashed to any window to try to spot it) is about all I can do.  I don't know what else to say!  But apparently I'm not giving them the right answer, cuz they just keep telling me over and over again . . . each time getting louder and louder, as if my lack of a correct response somehow means I didn't HEAR them correctly. (But maybe all it means is that they are enjoying having my undivided attention and riding it out for as long as they can!)

And Dear Abby does NOT take well to hearing the word no.  Again, I think she assumes that if I say no, particularly after she says, "May I please . . . ," then I must NOT have heard her or understood her.  Because no is not an acceptable response. EVER.  Like today when I was making grilled cheese sandwiches, using the LAST of the cheese, and she kept asking for a piece of cheese.

Abby: I ont cheese.
Me: I know, Abby.  And I'm making you a cheese sandwich AS WE SPEAK.  So just be patient for a minute, okay?
Abby: (looking confused, like, "Did she just actually deny me some cheese when she has it RIGHT there in her hands?) I ont cheese.
Me: Abby.  I know you want some cheese.  I'm making you a cheese sandwich RIGHT NOW, so just wait a minute.
Abby: (Starting to throw a temper tantrum and sobbing like it's the end of the world.) May . . . I . . . please . . . ave . . . some . . . cheese!
Me: Abby.  I KNOW you want some cheese, but if I give you some, I won't have enough to make you and Isaac a sandwich for lunch.
Abby: (screams at the top of her lungs at this point) I ont some cheese!!!!
Me: Abby.  Get it together.  Stop throwing a fit or go to your room until you are done.
(fit continues)
Okay, Ab -- go to your room until you are done.  I'm not listening to you throw a fit like that.  That is NOT how you get something that you want.
Abby: NO!  I ont cheese!
Me: Abigail . . . . go to your room until you can pull it together.
(I move towards her to help her get to her room.)
Abby: I pull together (and she even did stop crying for a minute).
Me: Thank you.  (I continue making the cheese sandwich.)
Abby: (starts screaming AGAIN) I ont cheese!!!!!

I think I finally distracted her with a banana.  I mean, I probably should have thought of that earlier because she was OBVIOUSLY hungry, but at the time I was just trying to make the sandwich as quickly as possible so it could cool and she could eat it and not be hungry.  So . . . .


And Isaac woke up early . . . both from his night's sleep and from his late-afternoon nap . . . and dutifully woke Abby up in turn.  Which meant I had two un-rested toddlers on my hands from 7:30 this morning on.  Which ultimately means books and movies and children's songs, a walk, a long drive in the car, or just facing the CONSTANT meltdowns.  Or sometimes all of the above . . . three or four times.  After hours of it, we finally opted for a long drive in the car!   At 4:30 in the afternoon because Dave had a late day at work and wasn't coming home at his usual time, and I had HAD it!!!

When he called and hung up and I called him back because I was SERIOUSLY DYING, even in the air-conditioned car with the twins securely tucked away in their seats and the radio playing whatever song I wanted to stop it on, he reminded me he had just gotten to the dentist for his appt. (which I had forgotten about).  I literally cried for like three miles!  Cuz I knew he also had an activity tonight with our young men's group, and that meant he wouldn't be home AT ALL until after 9:00.  And I was on my own all. night. long.  And at that point, I didn't even want to go back home.  If Abby hadn't said, "Mommy - I hungee!  I ont PIZZA!" when we drove by a fast-food place, I don't know how long I would have gone before I went back!  I mean, for some reason we were spotting a LOT of planes on those desert roads and freeways.  And that NEVER gets old for a two-year-old!


So I know I'm blessed to be a mom.  I know I'm going to look back on these days and LONG for them.  I know this is a terrific time of learning and development in their lives.  I know my role is divine and that I should love, love, love and treasure every second of it.  I know they are learning from me to keep their cool or lose it (like I did, quite a few times today).  And I know that movies and television are horrible babysitters.

And today . . . all of that went right out the window!  All I wanted was to ditch the pregnant belly, go back to December 2007, don my best tennis shoes, and RUN FOR MY LIFE!!!!!

There was this song that came on the radio while we were driving, looking at airplanes, and sobbing for miles.  "At last my love has come along.  My lonely days are over.  And life is like a song."  I thought, "Right.  My lonely days began after I found 'my love'; and I have yet to hear a song that really covers it!  Apparently she didn't know about school and work and kids and callings."

And then I thought about it some more.  And I thought, "Or maybe she did."

Maybe she knew all about it and that the hard days -- even seasons that might last a few years -- come to pass.  They are not going to last forever.  They probably won't influence the big picture nearly as much as you think they will.  You'll remember that they happened, but in the face of whatever you are currently (in the future) experiencing and enjoying, they won't seem like much.  And you will realize that even when you didn't physically get to have time together as much as you would have liked, even when you felt like the sum total of your value in life was to make sure that everyone else gets to have and do and become what they want at the expense of all the things you really want at that moment -- you were never alone because you ALWAYS had each other.  And there were enough moments where you got what you needed that you could keep going until the hard times came to pass.  And your children just added even more to that.  And their days -- good and bad -- came to pass as well, and they didn't even remember you snapped at them when they couldn't get over the airplane . . . or fly . . . or flying bug that you trapped in a bowl and finally put in the garage to die in peace (or at least give you peace in the process).  They'll just remember that you were there and that, at the end of the day, they felt secure and loved.  And they got to play in the bathtub with their toys for as long as they wanted!  And they'll even think that bathtime and our one-on-one dinner and bed times were to SPOIL them and not just mom's only solution to sanely get through the evening! ;-D

Cuz love and kids both have that one thing in common -- they're both forgiving and optimistic like that.

And tonight I started to research dates and courses for near-by half-marathons.  Just trying to get back to something that I REALLY WANT and NEED!

Power Walkin'

Today we did the most AMAZING thing: We went for a walk!  It wasn't the most amazing walk I've ever taken in my life.  The scenery wasn't quiet and serene like what you would find on the Chipman Trail on the way out the Troy Highway or up Moscow Mountain or on the way to Elk River Falls.  The weather wasn't cool and refreshing.  The sun wasn't rising or setting (not that we could have seen it through all of the houses, anyway).  But for me, it was heaven!

We walked down all the neighborhood roads, about 12 blocks to the next busy street.  And then we found a park there, tucked away from the road and the chaos.  And the kids slid down the one slide that wasn't too hot to sit on.  And they even braved the heated swings for a few minutes, just for a chance to SWING!!!  Isaac found someone's baseball in the sand, and that was HEAVEN!!!

And when it got too hot to stay there (and Abby needed her diaper changed, which we hadn't planned ahead for . . . sheesh, how long have we been parents again?), we saw a cute little ice cream cart and Dave bought the kids tubes of rainbow sorbet on a . . . whistle instead of a stick.  They LOVED it!!!  Every messy, dripping drop of it!

Top it off with a fantastic deal on some refreshing water -- 2 LARGE bottles for $1!!! -- and the afternoon was complete!

We ran across the majorly busy street (though I reminded Dave as we did that I AM nine months pregnant, after all, and hurrying to beat the oncoming traffic might NOT have been the best idea).

And as we walked down through the other neighborhoods between us and home, we TALKED!  We reminisced about past activities that we DEARLY miss and dreamed about the future -- where we want it to take us, what sacrifices (financial and otherwise) are worth it to get there, how we can create the best future for our kids while still having opportunities to push and excel ourselves.  And there were all those other unimportant topics . . . and the laughter and light-hearted banter that just isn't the same outside of the situation . . . least of all in writing.

And Abby and Isaac were in heaven!!!  Isaac took both whistles and pretended to give Abby medicine after she sneezed.  Abby played along for a while.  And then she was done and he hit her over the head with the new baseball -- and she was REALLY done!  And we "gently invited" (made) him to give her a hug and say he was sorry.  He eagerly complied (as soon as I threatened to take away the ball!).

And we promised to do it again.  Hopefully many, many, many more agains in the not-too-distant future!

Icing on the Cake

Would you like some ROLL with that FROSTING?

So I know I am probably crazy, but I have this thing with cinnamon rolls.  See, I have been disappointed by almost EVERY store-bought cinnamon roll I have ever eaten (and even some homemade ones).  Why?  It just seems like they pack on OODLES and OODLES of frosting.  Not that I'm not a fan of frosting, but it always seems to me that a cinnamon roll that can't stand on its own feet . . . that needs frosting in order to taste good (and TONS of frosting at that) . . . is just not a cinnamon roll worth eating.

The same goes for ketchup.  I mean, if whatever you are eating needs KETCHUP smothered all over it in order to TASTE good, you aren't eating a good piece of (fill in the blank).  Like a hamburger, french fries, eggs, the list goes on.

Things like frosting and ketchup (which I really could live without and never miss for even one day) are SUPPOSED to be the "icing on the cake" that ENHANCES the goodness of what is already there; not the frosting on the cinnamon rolls that HIDES what the rolls themselves are lacking.

And tonight, I kind of think that this principle applies to a LOT of things.  I'm thinking about some legislation right now that probably shouldn't have passed and was covered by WAY TOO MUCH frosting; but I might just as soon be thinking about employment, relationships, activities, education, and any other number of things.

If it's lacking in substance . . . no amount of frosting is going to change that.

You can't fix a broken marriage by spending a lot of money on expensive gifts, trips, toys, etc.  It's just empty calories going into a malnourished situation.

I was also thinking about this in terms of dating.  Mostly post-marriage. (Cuz who hasn't heard enough about dating PRE-marriage . . . or more than enough sometimes? ;-D)  Maybe even particularly for people who have been married for 10 or 15 or 30 or 50 years. (Cuz again, we all get the advice to date as newlyweds and new parents; but what happens to dating for empty- or almost-empty-nesters?)

If you want to have a happy and successful marriage, one that will more than stand the test of time (but actually EXCEL in it) and all eternity, you can't fill it with a bunch of frosting.  It's going to get old.  It's going to leave you empty and craving and longing for something more.  It's going to leave you disappointed and wishing you hadn't even taken that first bite that left you just HAVING to eat more and more, TRYING to get some sort of satisfaction out of it, but ultimately feeling DISAPPOINTED, discouraged, EMPTY.

Some advice I've been thinking about (mostly that I received or heard others receive at SOME point in my life) to avoid the frosting trap and instead have an amazing cake with JUST the right amount of ENHANCING icing:

1) NEVER stop dating!  Yes, you -- you who are in your 50s and your kids are gone and you spend a lot of time on the road being grandma or throwing yourself into work and hobbies, rarely coming together with your spouse for more than a movie or dinner in a restaurant.  Yes, YOU -- you who have been married for five years and gotten so stuck in the daily grind and living on a budget that you don't even think about dating each other any more.  NEVER NEVER NEVER stop dating!  When Dave and I got married, our dear friend and Stake President counseled us to ALWAYS remember why we fell in love to begin with, what we did during that magical time, and to make sure we never lost it!!!  That is AMAZING advice (and talking about it/reminiscing sounds like a GREAT date-night idea to me!!!).

2) Think outside of the box.  I mean, how many times can you go out to dinner or see a movie (especially TODAY'S amazing media selection) without those days soon turning into LOTS AND LOTS of frosting?  Or maybe your movie night is a game night . . . and you play games all the time, so much so that it is normal, not special or a stretch in any way.  Remember when you first started dating and you used to get really creative about asking someone out on a date and/or responding when someone asked YOU on a date (maybe it's just an Idaho/Utah thing)?  Remember how much fun it was to plan and prepare every step of the way, all the time anticipating how much THE OTHER PERSON was going to enjoy it and get a KICK out of it?  Not to mention the fact that YOU ALREADY WERE!!!  Reading a book together or having a candlelight picnic in your living room or playing the Wii or doing a workout video together can all be REALLY fun and REALLY fulfilling activities IN THEIR TURN.  You just have to make sure they aren't the EVERY DAY things that you just CALL DATE NIGHT because they are typically labeled as "date ideas."

Dave's FAMOUS Chocolate Cake (a Curry Family SECRET Recipe)

3)  Cover your bases.  I was listening to a Christian radio station a few months ago, and the pastor/preacher was talking about unity in marriage.  He said that you have to make sure you maintain and fuel your marriage intellectually, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  If you leave any ONE of those things out (legs on a table, you might say), your marriage will dwindle (your table is going to fall over).  So if you do a lot of the SAME things, look at the big picture of what you are trying to do and become together.  And re-envision what it will take to get there.  And cover ALL of your bases.  Read a book together.  Exercise together.  Cook together.  Talk about your eternal potential and how you are going to move towards achieving it THAT VERY WEEK.  Talk.  Laugh.  Play.  Love.  Learn how to recover your furniture and do a project together.  Go to the temple together once a month.  And don't leave anything out.  Cover your bases!  Bake a cake that could stand on its own because it has the PERFECT amount of all of the necessary ingredients (but will be oh so much better with a little bit of frosting)!

4) Just DO it!  Nike has it right!  In the end, you can talk about it, plan for it, prepare for it, complain about it, listen to talks on tape about it, slander your husband to your girlfriends for not doing it, etc.  But what it all comes down to is that you have to just DO it.  Just DATE!!!  Just make time!!!  Just make it happen!  Don't get caught up in the preparations and having to find a babysitter or plan something amazingly memorable and earth-shattering.  Sometimes the simplest moments of silliness and laughter leave the most PROFOUND effects.  No excuses!  You aren't too old!  It's not for your children and grandchildren.  You're not too poor.  You're not too distanced from each other.  You're not too busy.  You just need to MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!  Today!  This week!

5) Remember it's about YOU!  Date nights aren't a time to go over the family budget or talk about the problems Jimmy is having in school or Jaime is having with her girlfriends or you are having with work or the world-at-large is having with the world-at-large.  Date nights aren't a time to schedule your week's activities or pay bills or fold laundry.  That's all another topic for another time.  (Like try a weekly companionship inventory or family council.)  Date nights ARE for you and your spouse to reconnect, rebuild, re-romance and "woo," refocus on and celbrate each other, on being a couple, on being one, on being each others sweethearts, on having fun, on walking down the SAME road in the SAME direction at the SAME speed . . . and all while holding hands, of course!  Your relationship is strictly yours.  You aren't your parents (however good or bad their relationship may have been).  You aren't that couple whose relationship you really admire or that one whose relationship you count your blessings every day that you are not stuck in!  But depending on what you do together TODAY, you will probably be ONE of those tomorrow. :-)  So decide what you want to be, what kind of a cake you want, what kind of frosting, what decorations, etc. and BECOME what you want!  But just focus on the cake -- not the entire meal, appetizers to entree to dessert.

I have some ideas, if you're interested (not because I'm good at this but because I decided TODAY, after reading this post and this post, that I AM GOING TO BE . . . so my mind is RACING around this topic right now).

That's all I've got . . . so far, anyway . . . though I reserve the right to edit/update as I go along and learn and do and become in MY reality with MY husband! ;-D

I am WOMAN! (And LOVE it!)

Of all the debates out there in the world today, there is one that never ceases to blow my mind.  It's that whole "equality" issue.  All of these specific groups calling for their "rights" -- and all of them centered around the argument that we all have to be equal.  And I am really starting to wonder what that even means, if we even know, or if we've gotten so used to throwing it around in the name of all things "unfair and unjust" that we have totally LOST sight of what EQUALITY really is.

I remember a conversation I had my first or second year of college.  I was talking to a fairly flamboyant and proud-of-her-feminism young woman.  As I listened to her, I wondered if she knew how hard and ridiculous she was sounding.  Finally I said something like, "Well - I don't know about all of that.  And maybe you do want to be everything a MAN is and do everything a MAN does.  But me, I DON'T REALLY WANT TO BE A MAN.  I just want to be a really strong woman!"

I've thought about that a few times since.  I mean, if I had lived during the time of Abigail Adams -- I would have been a die-hard feminist in every sense of the word for the things SHE was fighting for and felt strongly about.  The same with Jane Addams.  And Jane Austen.  Oooh -- there are so MANY amazing "feminists" in history that make me smile just thinking about them.  But by my definition of righteous feminism, I wouldn't be a feminist with Nancy Peolosi or Hillary Clinton or so many others in today's world.  In fact, I am sad that when you do a search on influential women, you find so many women listed whose lives have stood for things that I would rather NOT have had influence history.  And these women have redefined what it means to be a "woman" and what our "gender roles" should be.  Ironically, few of them have had very much time for motherhood at all.  Or they had their one token child and that was it.  They seem to have been so caught up in living lives that put them on equal ground with men -- and being the "first" woman to do what has culturally been done by men -- that they forgot to make time to do one of the things that ONLY WOMEN CAN DO.  And that's just one example! :-)

Maybe seeing some of these women and what they would try to do to and with "womanhood" in the name of equality and personal rights is what led Elder Neal A. Maxwell to wisely observe,

"When the real history
of mankind is fully disclosed,

will it feature
the echoes of gunfire or

the shaping sound of lullabies?

The great armistices made by military men or

the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods?

Will what happened in cradles and kitchens

prove to be more controlling than

what happened in congresses?"

I remember Sister Margaret D. Nadauld speaking in a General Conference  on the "Joy of Womanhood" and she said,
"Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity."

And lets just be honest!  To be a woman who is tender, kind, refined, filled with faith and goodness and virtue and purity -- that is NO SMALL TASK!!!  I mean, after studying Proverbs 31, I think I could work my WHOLE LIFE to just become a woman of virtue! I wonder how many women in the world spend their time thinking about and striving to become these things.   


This has since become one of my favorite quotes!  Not only does it provide an AWESOME example of PROFOUND alliteration, but it also provides an AWESOME standard for where women of today have to FIGHT to get back to because of the direction some of the women of yesterday have taken in the name of "gender equality."

When I was majoring in Creative Writing at Southern Virginia University, I wrote this poem:

As society seeks to build

Strong Women,

I fear I will

have to Be Stronger

to Be a Mother

not only to my own children but

to my

Neighborhood,

Country,

World.

I am grateful I am a woman!  I am grateful that I have things I CAN do and MUST do that men will NEVER be able to do!  I am grateful that my husband is a man.  I am grateful that he has things that he CAN do and MUST do that I will NEVER be able to do!  And I am grateful that I get to learn even MORE about strength in gender as I mother my children and learn and grow from their DIFFERENCES every day!

I Am A Child of God

I read my friend Carrie's post on one line in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, and it reminded me of something I don't think I've recorded anywhere yet.  So here's the PERFECT opportunity!

My mom had told me for as long as I could remember that I would only be able to go to college if I got scholarships, because neither she nor my dad would ever be able to help me financially.  She also taught me that I should follow the Lord's counsel, as given through His holy prophets, and stay out of debt.  I think it went something like, "Marriage is hard enough without you placing your educational debts on your husband's back to have to pay off someday."  So, I did everything I could to get good grades, make myself a well-rounded individual through community service and school leadership opportunities, and then I applied to schools. 

The first year was completely paid for!  I don't remember even having to get a job that year. 

The second, however, was a different story.  I remember spending the summer before applying for every scholarship I could find.  And I worked three jobs -- one at a local laundry mat, one as a tutor in the Reading Lab, and one on the weekends in a hotel.  As the beginning of the school year neared, I was still short $1,500 -- and that was WITH me budgeting in work at two of the three jobs throughout the school year. 

About three weeks before school started, I was talking to my mom, telling her I didn't know what else I could do.  I had paid my tithing and done everything I could, but I was still short.  And I hadn't heard back from my school about a few scholarships I had applied for.  So she suggested I call them and see if they had made any decisions or could tell me when they might have a decision made on their scholarships and go from there. 

I did.  And after putting me on hold to look at my file, the woman came back and said, "I don't know what happened, but we have a leadership award for you for $1,500 that we've been waiting to hear back from you on whether you accept it or not.  I guess you didn't get the award letter yet.  I'll put another one in the mail today.  Be sure to send your acceptance back as soon as possible so we don't assume you don't want it and award it to someone else."  Wow!  A scholarship in the EXACT amount that I had been short.  And I knelt and said a prayer of thanks before I went and told my mom what had happened.  Heavenly Father knew who I was and what my situation and desires were, and He had responded accordingly. 

Fast forward eight years and many, many more experiences like this one.  After finishing my B.A. and M.A. single and entering the workforce, I realized that I had met the man of my dreams and decided (after two years of being friends and dating) to marry him.  We felt right about each other, right about our decision, and right about the date we had chosen -- December 15. 

There was just one glitch: He had been married before, and we needed clearance from the First Presidency to be sealed together for time and all eternity in a Temple of the Lord.  NOT getting married in the Temple was NOT an option.  It just wasn't.  So we did everything we needed to do and submitted our request in early October. 

And then we waited.  And our date neared.  And we waited.  And our families started to wonder if we were having a wedding or not.  And we waited.  And our invitations sat, stamped and addressed, but not quite ready to mail yet.  And we waited.  The holidays neared, and we began to wonder if the fairly new First Presidency would be meeting regularly or taking breaks that would detain them from receiving and responding to what I could only imagine were mass amounts of mail from members all over the world. 

So, we fasted and prayed the first weekend in November that the First Presidency would receive our appeal before Thanksgiving, before they might be separating for the holidays, and we would hear back in time to get everything pulled together for our wedding.

Through all of this, many people cast doubts in our way, telling us stories of couples that had waited six months to a year before they got clearance, of couples in our area that were still waiting.  Someone even told me that they had only heard of one case that was faster -- the nephew of one of the prophets had gotten clearance in a few months; but HE, of course, had connections. 

For a moment, I was discouraged.  But then the thought came clearly into my mind, "Melinda - who was HE and who are you?  He wasn't the nephew of a prophet; he was a son of God.  And YOU are a daughter of God.  The only person whose connections you need, you already have."  So I prayed again that Heavenly Father would put His hand in our situation and make sure our appeal reached the First Presideny's desks and whisper in the prophet's ears that we needed to get married December 15.  And if it wasn't too much trouble, I asked that He pull everything together before Thanksgiving.  Talk about specific . . . and BOLD!!! ;-D

I had a bridal shower after Thanksgiving, and we still had not heard anything from the First Presidency.  In fact, the night before my shower, Dave finally gave me my ring on a rose -- the closest thing to a proposal I got from him.  (He said he had been waiting for the letter, but he wanted me to have my ring for my bridal shower.) 

That evening as I was closing at work, Dave came and knocked on the glass door.  I was so surprised to see him!  He had been at Drill all day and had a night with the boys planned.  I opened the door, and he just waved an envelope in front of me.  I screamed, hugged him, and we opened it together, tears in our eyes (though he'd deny it to his DEATH), our hearts overflowing!  We said a prayer of thanks and then proceeded to call the Temple and schedule a date and call our families and friends and let them know we could move ahead with everything. 

Later, when I was looking at the letter and just feeling over and over again how thankful I was, I was struck by the date.  It had been signed two days before Thanksgiving.  It had just taken a little longer, with the holidays, to get TO us.  But our prayers had truly been answered in every detail!  And we were sealed for time and all eternity just two weeks later!

I am a daughter of God.  You are a child of God.  There is nothing more or less exceptional about me than that -- certainly nothing that would make me an exception in receiving specific and miraculous blessings from God that others could not also receive!

One of my favorite scriptures is found in Romans, Chapter 8: 16-17 --

"The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that
we are the children of God: 

And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and
joint-heirs with Christ;

if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also
glorified together."

I need to do better at remembering all of this!

Pregnancy, Shmegnancy!

Okay - I know that I have many friends who would LOVE to have a pregnancy woe day!  So I'm not trying to be ungrateful here, but I have to say that I am SOOOOOO not a fan of pregnancy right now!!!  Why? 

My friend Amanda, who was one of my weight-loss buddies after I had the twins, is NOT pregnant right now and is gathering songs to workout/run to.  As I listened to MY FAVORITE running album -- Collective Soul's "Afterwords" -- to give her some titles to look up and run to, my heart and mind were taken back to last November, pre-foot surgery when my plans and hopes to run a half-marathon in January were cut short -- to the days when I ran two to seven miles on the Chipman Trail, headed out the Troy highway, often with no one and nothing else in sight. 

And for a few minutes, I was full of energy and drive and determination and hopes and all of those feelings you get when you're running and training and pushing and moving and away from kids and house stress and . . . life . . . for just a moment.  When you feel invincible, like you can do anything and you are GOING to do EVERYTHING you ever dreamed of . . . it's all within your reach.  And I remembered the things that used to go through my mind as I ran, my thoughts often turned towards dreams of making my life or other people's lives better . . . of changing lives - maybe even through exercise - or encouraging people to be more than they were, to dream bigger than what was in front of them, to find happiness and joy in their reality, to do hard things and find the strength to do even harder things.  That is what running gave me -- every. single. day. 

And I am so, so, so, so, so thankful that Dave made time every day to come home and give me an hour in the middle of his 14- to 18-hour days to get out and have that moment, feel that release, feel that energy, feel that hope, feel ALIVE and capable of still doing and accomplishing and becoming something more than . . . run-down mommy, at the mercy of my children's schedules (or lack thereof) and whims and mood-swings and messes and developing ability to assert themselves however they wanted (which they have since perfected QUITE WELL, by the way).

And it isn't pregnancy's fault that it stopped -- I mean, my friend Sarah ran almost EVERY SINGLE DAY of her pregnancy, right up to the day before she gave birth.  (You're my hero, Sarah -- and next pregnancy, I'm going to try to follow your awesome example of energy and drive and insanity!!!!)  But pregnancy is the longer-lasting and more permanent of the two accumulating evils, so it gets the bad wrap!!! ;-D

And it is really my hope that six weeks postpartum, we'll be through with allergy season in the Antelope Valley and I can hit the pavement again, Collective Soul drowning out everything but the positive hopes and energy and strength and determination and success that I am really missing right now! It's a little discouraging to think I'll be starting out all over again, working up to running miles one, two, and three, but it will be all the more fun and sweet because I'll remember how much I have MISSED and looked forward to and LONGED for the ability to START OVER AGAIN and . . . .FINISH!!!!

And lest I forget, I'll have this post to remind me . . . :-D