Six Months Old

Well, my babies are officially six months old today! I cannot, cannot, CANNOT believe that a half of a year has already passed -- the first of half of their first year! At times, I felt like time was standing still and they were never going to get any older or sleep any longer -- and I was just getting older and never going to sleep again. Perhaps that is still true. ;-D However, I am amazed already at how quickly these moments have flown by. I was watching "Cheaper by the Dozen" while I cleaned the house and let the babies play on the floor. I don't know why, but for some reason I just started to cry! I think it is because I saw how quickly the real priorities in life can get away from you, fading to the background of all of the things we think are really important. And though many of the things we spend time doing ARE actually really important, there are a few things that are essential.

In lieu of all of these emotions and late-night thoughts, Dave and I had a real heart-to-heart the other night and into the next morning. I feel like so much of our life right now, so many conversations, have the "I can't wait until . . . " or "This summer we are going to . . . " taglines somewhere in them. Now, I may sound hypocritical here for a minute, but perhaps that is necessary to get to the point I want to make. I am tired of "somedays" and "when we _________, we are finally going to _________." My life is happening TODAY as much as it will be in three months or five years. And my babies are growing bigger and mastering little things more and more each day. I don't want to miss a moment of it; nor do I want my husband to miss a moment of it or merely experience it via photos and videos.

When all is said and done, what really matters is right here between the walls of our small, three-bedroom condo that we call home. And nothing is ever going to get any better than this.

Now, I know that I rushed through school -- I worked my tail off and spent many sleepless nights at the school, at work, etc. I didn't always eat right (you'd be amazed how many days a cheese pizza can last you when you don't have time to stop and go home) and I didn't always exercise like I should have, etc. However, I was single then. I didn't have a family. I had only myself to move forward and keep going, only myself to answer to the Lord about each night, only my own schedule to worry about, only my own successes to enjoy and my own trials to overcome.

Now, however, that has all changed. Now I constantly am thinking about four people and how those four people are going to get to spend eternity together. And I know that it is through the daily things that eternity is made possible. And eternal things cannot be put on pause while you get through a busy semester or crying babies who are up all night or whatever else might arise.

So Dave and I talked about what we are doing right now. I was at the point last week -- on many occasions, actually -- where I had seen my husband only that morning when he woke up around 6:00 or so to be out the door between 7:00 and 7:30 and then didn't get to see him again until midnight or later. And with the way the semester is looking, I knew in my heart that this new crazy schedule wasn't disappearing any time soon. That's not okay with me. I spent 26 years alone, another two years getting to a point in Dave and I's relationship that we decided we wanted to go through life and all eternity together, and the last year pregnant and taking care of these new babies who have entered my life. I did NOT go through all of that to be a single mom now.

Now, I know there are sacrifices you have to make on the road to financial security and employment in your occupation of choice. And both of those things are very important for our family and will make other, eternal things easier/possible. But there is only so much I am willing to sacrifice for something that is NOT eternal. And when I feel the things that ARE eternal are falling by the wayside, that is just not okay with me. If they aren't important and the focus of our lives here, we won't just get them automatically when this life is through. If I don't build relationships here, I won't have close relationships when I pass on from this life. If I don't have a Celestial marriage here, I don't just get one when I die simply because I had received the ordinances that would make that possible.

I also know that I have been given just one body -- just one -- and a stewardship over that body that I need to care for it and treat it like a temple. With the schedule we have been living lately, there isn't time or opportunity to create time for either Dave or I to exercise and take care of our bodies. I can't get away, for example, to take Dave food at school when he's had a late night and didn't get dinner. So he eats out or doesn't eat at all. That's not good for him or okay with me.

So - Dave and I talked about where we are in each of the eternal and essential parts of our lives. The long and short of it is that he is going to see if he can drop just one class this semester and take one in the summer to replace the credits he needs to stay on track with his graduation. And I feel more peace about that one decision than I have felt about our current and past situations thus far in the semester. It's too late to drop it without a W on his transcript; but in the grand scheme of things, that W is not a big deal. For us, I think it stands for Wisdom right now. So we're looking into the summer class schedule and what might be possible with Dave's two weeks of training with the National Guard in the early part of the summer. And we're talking about some of the fun things we are going to do not only this summer and when Dave graduates but also next week -- and the week after that -- and the week after that -- and . . . .

Valentine's Day

Before I let it go any farther and forget, I have to write a post about my amazing husband.

For Valentine's Day, we had a little "talk" about how he hates Valentine's Day because it basically has no purpose. You go to the store -- any store, really, where flowers are sold -- and see that they've jacked the price of flowers, chocolate, anything associated with Valentine's Day really, way up and expect you to either pay the prices or feel like a poor schmuck for not getting your wife flowers or chocolate or jewelry or whatever. He said he would much rather we just do small, nice things for each other that come from the heart. Is there any question why I love him so much? I feel the same way!

I made him sugar cookies with my friend Anna -- I wrote, "David - you are my sunshine." And that was it -- about as 'romantic' as I get these days. We got to spend the day together, got to witness one of our friends be sealed to his fiance -- sealed means married for time and all eternity -- and spent the entire day together (I know I mentioned that already, but at this point it is worth mentioning two or three times because it was HUGE and I LOVED every second of it!). I don't think you could beat a beautiful drive, cheap-er gas, a temple sealing, and a wonderful wedding dinner! It was fantastic!

Well, what I want to add is that Dave IS always doing nice little things for me. A few examples:

Last semester when Sleeping Beauty came out on DVD, I had just had a really hard series of nights with our little Miss Abigail. That seems to have been the name of the game for the last six months, but sometimes things go more smoothly than others. This particular week was one of the less smooth weeks, and I was dragging but still trying to keep things going. Anyway, I woke up (around 10 or 11 after a very late night and a long night of ups and downs) and found on the table the DVD and a short, hand-written note of thanks for all I do to raise our children and keep our home running. I am sure you can imagine how many loads that lifted, and it was VERY easy to count my blessings and feel their abundance that day.

Again a week or so ago, I woke up to a note on the dry-erase board in the kitchen, "Melinda, you are my sunshine, my ONLY sunshine!" That's kind of our theme song ever since we had the babies. I sing it to the babies ALL the time; Dave is, in turn, picking up on it and has also started to sing it all the time. It's really fun. And that note made me smile all day long and the days after when I saw it over and over again.

Then on Wednesday, I woke up at around 5-5:30 to feed Abby and decided to just stay up and take a bath and get my hair done and get ready for the day before Isaac woke up and Dave was gone and I was by myself. After I got up, I went in to make sure Dave had lunch for the day, see if I could get him some breakfast, etc., and he looked at me and said, "Melinda, you look really tired. Why don't you just go lay down and get some sleep?" After only about four hours of sleep the night before (again, not uncommon for the last six months of my life to get little to no sleep time and time again), I had one of my first mornings of the 'morning, sleepless headache' that I have started to get more frequently lately. I said I would try but first wanted to make sure everything was in order for his day. Finally I went and laid down. I heard the front door shut and then open and shut again. I figured Dave had run out to get something or forgotten something. He hadn't -- rather, he had bought me some roses the day before and left them in my beautiful red pitcher on the top of the piano with a note that said, "For my beautiful wife. Thanks for all the amazing things you do. Your adoring husband, David."

I have the best husband in the world. And for us, Valentine's Day is a random-acts-of-kindness and sincere-acts-of-love occurrence that happens all the time!

Happy late Valentine's Day to everyone!

What I Hope to Teach My Children

My friend Jake sent a link to a video that I highly recommend you take a few minutes to watch. Here's the link.

We had a financial advisor (I think that's what he is, anyway) come and talk to us the other night. With Dave turning 30 last year and us still trying to finish his undergraduate, I started to get really concerned about what we're going to do for retirement, to save money for our children's missions, college, etc. We decided we would like to set up a savings account for each of them, but we don't want them to know about it so they'll put in the work necessary to do as much as they can on their own first. However, after talking to him and looking at all of the decisions in the air, how to budget for adding in an IRA or savings for our children or whatever else, etc., I really felt a heavy heart and a little bit overwhelmed by it all.

However, after I watched this video, I decided that with all of the things I really want to provide for my children, the things I hope most to teach them were evidenced by this story. I want them to be kind, to choose kindness and to be aware of other people's loads and always looking for ways to lift them instead of adding to them. I want them to learn to always return thanks to the Lord for any gift that comes their way, and likewise to always look to Him for ways to be an answer to other people's prayers (offered or unoffered). I want to teach them that people are more important than things, and no sacrifice of things is too great if it will help someone in need. I think Elder Wirthlin (former apostle in our church) would have included all of these lessons under the umbrella of charity, the pure love of Christ (for a great talk on charity -- really, truly amazing talk -- click on this link.

So - though I really want to have enough money for my children to have music lessons (I think Abby's going t.o be a percussionist) and receive an education from the school of their choice (even if that school doesn't offer scholarships) and have the weddings of their dreams (without all the stresses that money or lack thereof can add to such momentous occasions), the things I want them to have the most don't cost anything; and that is really important.

After thinking about this, and crying a little as I watched this video clip with Abby, I wondered of I practice these things, since it is my example that is going to teach them what I hope they learn. I know I don't. Especially right now in my life, I feel very self-centered and self-focused; and I don't really know how to get out of it right now. So that is my challenge to myself today. With all the things I'm constantly thinking about, all the things I may be complaining about or stressing over, I am going to work harder to find ways to reach out to others, to look outside myself, to lift burdens instead of adding rocks to already heavy backpacks, and to show others the pure and unconditional love of Christ.

Update and Thoughts

First of all, an update on Dave's internship: HE GOT IT!!!!! Honestly, that came as bitter-sweet news to me. When he walked in from school the Monday following his interview, I asked him if he had heard anything yet, preparing myself for whatever. He said, "Well -- yes." The fact that he hesitated made my heart skip a beat; the fact that he hadn't told me, however, also made me hopeful. "And?" I asked. "And . . . . I got it. I start next Tuesday at 8:00 a.m." I felt 100 emotions in one second and ended on the tears in my eyes one. As excited as I was/am about this amazing opportunity, it has been and will be really hard. We had just finished a week of sick babies and a Drill weekend, and I was exhausted to the point of headaches and tears as I struggled every day to pull it together for my babies and just keep moving. With tears in my eyes, I said, "I'm really excited for you, Dave; but I am really feeling mixed emotions about this right now." He pulled me up off the sofa, gave me a huge hug, and said, "Me, too. I was kind of hoping he might say they offered it to someone else. But we can do this. We can make it. It's going to be hard, but it will be worth it in the end; and together, we can do this." I smiled at his faith in me and resolved -- as I have re-done many times in the last week -- that I will have the BEST attitude about every second that I don't see my husband and get to enjoy all of the moments with my babies that I don't have to miss. In fact, I'm trying to enjoy them twice as much to make up for him missing them. Some days, it works really well. Other days . . . . well, today is another day, so I'll leave that one open. ;-D

Living Within our Means

Well, my sister just wrote an amazing and incredibly helpful blog entry on budgeting that inspired me. So I'm going to write about some things I have been thinking about lately. Short of it all -- she and I are like siamese (sp?) twins, separated by five years. I am not writing this to brag or boast, especially since Monique's blog taught me that I have a long way to go in order to ensure I stick to my budget and find financial success in the future. Right now, I generally know that we are "on track"; however, I also know that we fudge quite a bit, more than we should. It's not enough to notice month to month, but in the long run, it could derail us from our goals. More than anything, I write this to remember. I write to remember how merciful the Lord has been in the past and that, ultimately, I owe everything to Him. I write this to remember that I have a part in receiving His blessings and promises. I write this to remember that sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven; and, therefore, no "sacrifice" is too great to make in order to hear and hearken, and - in the Lord's timetable and way - receive His help.

When I started college, I had one goal: Stay out of debt. My mom kinda drilled it into us when we were growing up: "Don't become a liability for your husband by bringing a ton of debt to your marriage that he just has to work to pay off later." Good advice. Add to that the counsel we've received from modern-day prophets, seers, and revelators, and you have a double witness that debt should be avoided AT ALL COSTS!!! Ironic statement there. The costs to avoid debt are usually NOT financial.

Anyway - so I set out on my quest. And the Lord supported me 100%. My college budget was very simply defined: Don't spend money. And I didn't. For example, I never owned a CD player, bought my first CD the last year of my M.A., never bought a video/DVD. I just didn't. When I bought clothes, they ALWAYS, always came off the clearance rack -- and I knew when the clearance items would have an extra markdown that would make them even less expensive. I think I paid full price for pants for the first time after I graduated from college and had been working in Virginia.

Then when I was looking at graduating after I finished my M.A., I had the impression that I needed to save enough money to live for an entire year, at the rate of living I had already become accustomed to, without any income. What a benefit that inspiration became!!!! And the subsequent events pretty much proved that following that one prompting made it possible for me to have time to fall in love with my husband and start making preparations that later paved the way for us to purchase our condo this last year.

Again, when I started working at the beginning of our marriage and we found out we were pregnant (pre finding out we were having twins), we decided that we really DID want to invest in our own home. That later turned into our purchasing a fixer-upper condo. But we made the decision to do it, set a budget for fixing it up, and then went to work to figure out how. The answer: I put every penny I made working last year into savings for us to live on this school year while Dave is in between school and internships. We figured out what our monthly budget needed to be and set aside enough money to live from June of last year until May of this year without taking out loans or -- if the pregnancy/baby (later babies)/life expenses cost more than we had anticipated -- with only a few student loans. So far, we've followed what we set out to do, though it hasn't been easy. Come May, I know Dave will either have an income or we'll have the blessing of using MINIMAL student loans to make it that final month and on through October when he gets his last year of the GI Bill. How do I know that? Because the Lord has supported me in my righteous financial decisions in the past; and I know that if I continue to pay my tithing and remain faithful to my desire to follow His counsel, HE WILL SUPPORT ME still.

In all fairness -- my husband sees things a bit differently than I do and isn't the "do without everything in order to be debt-free" kind of guy. I'm thankful for the balance, and we discuss and communicate about our expenses A LOT!!! So far, we're still doing pretty well. And the extra student loans we have taken out this year have remained, thus far, unspent. Even so -- we have a very specific and detailed plan for how and when we will pay off each and every penny of the student loans we have taken out (both those he had before we got married and the few we have taken out since). That's one rule Monique didn't mention on her blog post about having a budget that I feel very strongly about: If you are going to go into debt, do so with a plan -- a very specific plan -- that addresses every step of how you are going to get out of the debt you have incurred.

In the last few weeks, we finally sat down and planned how and in what time frame we are going to pay off our condo. We also discussed how we are going to prepare for life changes (future children that will come before it is paid off, etc.). This allows us to live within our means while also building up some assets that will aid us in living our dreams in the future, without having our dreams bind us down financially.

That brings me to the next part of all of this for us. We have felt VERY STRONGLY that we need to plan ahead for a rainy day. We have been tackling not only our budget but also our food storage and emergency preparedness essentials A LOT lately. We talk about it at least once a week -- usually on Sunday or for Family Home Evening on Monday night. And that helps us keep our focus when we are looking at other things we might or might not want to buy.

In our long-term planning, we feel that we need to have a full year's supply of food, clothes, diapers, formula, etc. to live without any income for that time frame. We also feel that we need to have enough money in savings to live for a year without any income. That will take some planning and tweaking as we finish school and get into a stable job with a steady income and the ability to plan these things. But the principles we are applying now will remain the same. We don't plan on increasing our standard of living with our increased (aka presence of) income. We will increase our standard of living when we are financially prepared to do so while still living within our means.

One thing I have really appreciated with Dave is that -- if he wants something that does NOT fit into our budget and isn't an absolute necessity, he finds a way to work above and beyond to find the money to buy it. That way, it doesn't come out of or affect our budget and still makes him feel like he can splurge when my tendency always and forever is to NOT splurge no matter what! For example, last Christmas he surprised me with matching wooden picture frames for our family picture wall in our dining room. He remembered that I had mentioned I wanted a family wall of pictures -- and he wanted nice, matching picture frames for our pics, but we didn't really have the money for it. So -- without me knowing at all that he had done this -- he signed up to drive bus for a trip that he was not scheduled to drive in order to get the extra money to buy some nice frames. I love that he did that! And I love our family picture wall! Then again this year, he had a gift he wanted to buy for our family but knew it was not in the budget or an absolute need. What did he do? He collected and sold some scrap metal and also some things on E-bay that he had laying around the house. It was such a nice surprise and didn't add any financial stress to our lives. I have to admit also that he is rubbing off on me a little! I don't know if that's good or not yet, but it is a lot more fun sometimes to give myself permission to find a way to splurge! ;-D

More Tender Mercies

This semester has already been crazy, and I feel like it has only just begun. However, we have had a HUGE blessing recently. I'm not sure what will come of it, but I feel a quiet calm about it all.

A week or so ago, Dave came home and told me that one of his classmates from last semester had called him up to tell him that his old boss asked if he knew of anyone looking for an internship. He said he thought so but had to check, and then he called Dave to see if he would be interested in an internship at Schweitzer Engineering Laboratory. For those of you who are not familiar with this company, it's a really great company, and it's a really big deal to get an internship with them. Dave applied unsuccessfully for three last semester; and they had no problem not only turning him down but also informing him that he was not qualified and their search would remain open. What a slap in the face! But they have the reputation and organization that allows them to be that picky. Basically, if they hire Dave as an intern, he has a guaranteed job when he graduates. They'll even pay for his graduate degree when he goes back to get it.

So, he had a phone interview on Thursday morning. I laughed when he told me that the question that threw him for a loop was when they asked him what his GPA was and what that said about him. He said, "Um -- good." I said, "What? Did you really say, 'Good'?" He said, "Well, I didn't know what to say. I think I rambled on about how I try to be perfect but I don't always make it but still manage to do pretty well." I told him I think they were looking for his work ethic, and that would have been a good time to mention that he has a family, new twins, and still manages to pull a pretty fantastic GPA for the Engineering field. But he didn't mention any of that. What had us a little worried is that he really did not have all of the skills they were looking for, and that is what had thrown him over into the "reject" pile so many times in the past. Still, they called him on Friday afternoon and asked if he can come in on Tuesday for a second interview.

When he answered the phone, we had just been sitting on the sofa talking and were about to start dinner. I knew immediately from the tone of his voice and the conversation that they wanted him to come in. I didn't realize how tense I was feeling about it until I suddenly broke out in tears when I heard his conversation. Relief. That's all I can say to describe it. I've been wondering where he would find an internship, if it would mean me being alone with the babies all summer or us trying to move our family to who knows where. And I was really getting nervous about job opportunities in general, since more than one of our friends are looking for work right now. My tears were soon followed by some sincere prayers of thanks and hope. I know he doesn't have the job yet; but I feel very peaceful and hopeful that this is going exactly where we have hoped and prayed it would. And that feeling of peace alone is a tender mercy worthy of documentation right now. Sometimes, you have to take what you can get. And more often than not, it's the tender mercies along the way that make up the journey, not the final destination.