While You Were Sleeping

Abby finally got wrestled to sleep at around 11:30 last night. She was exhausted but wouldn't stop moving to let herself sleep.

Isaac woke up at 12:30, along with Brianna - Mom was still downstairs, so I called her on her cell phone and asked her to bring milk up with her because he said he wanted milk.

2:00 a.m., a crying Isaac climbs in bed with me and says, "Mommy, please have some milk?" I tried to stave him off, ignore him, cuddle with him, but he just cried and cried. Then he started saying that his leg hurt. Every time I tried to cover him with a blanket, he screamed and said "hurt leg, hurt leg" and he would guide my hand to where it hurt, so I would massage it for a while and then try still to get him to sleep. But he kept asking for milk. Mom said he was also tugging on his ear.  Why not?  He's only been on antibiotics for seven of the ten days. I finally gave in, went downstairs to get him milk and ibuprofen for the ear and apparent growing pains and went back upstairs.

To a wide awake and crying Brianna. I fed her again. Then I asked a still-fussy Isaac if he was hungry. He said yes. Mom said not to go downstairs to just give him to her to cuddle and drink his milk. I said, "No- he says he is hungry and I'm going to make him the freakin' sandwich. I'm NOT doing this every two hours for the rest of the night." First time I can remember saying freakin' in my life. I made him a PB sandwich.

When I came back upstairs with it, he was crawling all over the bed, hyper as hyper, playing with Brianna, and Abby was awake. Wow! Awesome.

He devoured the sandwich. Abby said she wanted one. Back downstairs to make Abby a sandwich. Got up with it, she said she didn't want it. Just wanted milk and to cuddle. Grandma ate the sandwich.  I changed Abby's diaper, put them both back in their beds. It took about another half hour to get them from climbing in and out of each other's beds, hitting each other, laughing, tickling each other, etc. Then Abby asked for another sandwich and I told her no to just go to sleep. Oh. the. patience. But I finally got them to go to sleep and held Brianna's hands down and rubbed her tummy to get her to sleep. That was around 4:00 this morning.

I had dreams of rats attacking me and my sister shunning me. Not very restful.

Brianna woke up crying at 5:20.
And at 8:00 this morning, Abby was WIDE.AWAKE. Woke everyone else up, of course, asking for breakfast and milk. I spent ten minutes forcing her to eat the Lucky Charms in her bowl.  NEVER thought I'd be doing THAT! 

Her eyes have black circles under them and when I was changing her diaper last night I noticed a small rash appearing on her stomach - little tiny bumps. I have no idea if those are from the medicine for her double ear infection or what. Something's up, though. You think? ;-D
 
And yesterday Isaac told me he was running away.  Which he repeated to me this morning as I gave him breakfast.  I said, "Who is running away?"  He proudly patted his chest and said, "Isaac run away!"  I said, "Oh, no! Is he running back, too?"  He got excited and his eyes lit up like fireworks on the Fourth of July - I mean, it was sounding like I was on board and it involves running afterall.  "Yeah - I run back, too!"  Perfect!  His five-year-old niece who really turned 13 instead of five on her last birthday taught him that.  Fortunately he has no idea what it means.  Safe for now.

I was checking on Brianna and trying to find her lost pacifier when Mom called me on her cell phone and said she needed me downstairs.  What is up?  Oh, Madison and Abby were playing instead of getting dressed and Madi got her foot stuck in between the bed and the wall and it might be broken.  So she's in the chair until her mom gets home from work to take her to the doctor. Looks like a movie day for us - yay!

Grandma took the dogs out for their morning potty break.  She called me from the kitchen to go and see that my kids, Abby dressed only in her diaper and Isaac without shoes or socks, had gone and gotten towels and blankets to sit on the steps and watch grandma with the dogs because, "Mommy, we cold!"

My mother-in-law called while I was trying to finish getting everyone else breakfast and before I could finish my conversation with her, Abby had dumped her yogurt in a nice pile on the table and began finger painting her chest and arms with it. 

I cleaned that up and realized that I had left Brianna upstairs for a minute . . . about an hour before!  I ran up to get her and bring her down. My foot hadn't hit the bottom step on my way back down before I had a huge blow-out on my hands.  Quite literally.  I hit the floor running but was stopped dead in my tracks by an open deepfreeze door and the twins standing in front of it, a box of pretzels on one side of them, the bag of frozen pretzels on the other, both of them saying they wanted one.

After last night, I'm letting them eat almost anything they ask for.

I pick up the pretzels and am quickly reminded of the blowout.  By the time I get it cleaned up and the pretzel cooked, they've totally lost interest.

But Isaac did find a half-full 44 oz cup of water to drink . . . and spill all over Grandma's hard wood floors!  Glad I caught that earlier rather than later.

And all of that between 11:00 last night and 11:00 this morning.

And yes, I edited myself a few times to keep some not-so-choice words from leaving my brain through my mouth.

Stick a fork in me a week ago. This is just burnt to a crisp!

Say CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE

To be continued, but I had to put this in here for a minute to remind me to write it and keep it in sequence because I have a doozy to write first.

Grandma, Tell Me 'Bout

I loved that song - Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good ol' days!  I'm standing in my grandma's kitchen, a picture of her in her good ol' and very young days staring back at me.  I went into her office tonight to borrow a few envelopes from her.  It's hard to cross the threshold into her world - because that is what those three rooms were: her entire world in an office, a bathroom, and a bedroom.  I looked at the pictures on the wall and wondered why she had them, where they came from, who had given them to her, why they meant enough to have a place on the walls of her sanctuary.  I thumbed through a few books on her desk - some very old titles, some more contemporary ones - and cried a bit as I thumbed through her old Book of Mormon.  I don't remember seeing her read that one for quite a while now - the print was much smaller than her larger Book of Mormon that laid on her bed or sometimes on her walker's tray and was read daily, no matter the time of day or night.  I found a few books that I had never heard of before but that obviously had some significance for her:

- All is Well: A book published in 1909.  In the front it says it is the fourth volume in the Primers of Peace "Don't Fret" Series. 
- On Your Way: A book published by Deseret Book Company in 1964 and addresses what the front cover calls, "the practical problems of leaving home, planning the way ahead, study, work, and living with others."
- Voice of Warning: A book by Parley P. Pratt that was written to help people discern between the voices of the world and the ways of the Lord as the tides of the times caused moral and spiritual things to wash away like sand and the Lord needed His people to be rocks on the shore that would not wash away.

You know, I don't know why she had these books on her computer stand, right in front of the chair she sat in day after day to do her needlework and make dolls or doll dresses or write birthday cards to each of the sisters in her church women's group as their birthdays rolled around.  I do not know who gave her these books and why she kept them.  I don't know if they belonged to her mother and were passed down to her or if they were gifts from friends or things she bought to give to her children.  I don't know how often she read them or what she gleaned from them each time she did.  And now, finding them today, I realized that I never will.  That chair is now empty.  Those books are now simply part of the estate to be dispursed as the executors see fit.  And they may be seen as just old books, maybe viewed as valuable because they are so old or as silly and garbage because they are so worn.  Not on purpose because the executors are frivolous or materialistic, but just because that is the way things go sometimes.  And no matter what they or I might think when we read them or see them, we will never know what she saw, what she felt, why she kept them there.  Were they in a predominant place so they could be remembered and found easily?  Or were they really stashed behind the sewing machine and mostly forgotten dust collectors?  I don't know.

I spent the better part of six months here in my grandma's house last year.  Half the year.  That's a long time.  She loved my children -- she gave them so much love and laughter and joy.  I ran across a note in her weight journal that talked about us coming one time and the twins walking in the door and running over and crawling up on her lap with Madison and her saying, "Let's have a party!"  I could just hear her say that and hear her laughter as I read it.  I could hear a lot of things as I remembered that day.  And then she wrote that she fell as she walked back down the hall to her room.  And my mom called the neighbor lady who was loading something in her car out front to come over and help me lift Grandma off the floor.  She wrote that it was a "Piece of cake."  I can hear her saying that with laughter to lighten what might have been a more perilous and serious situation at her age.  And we set her on her bed and went about our day - I think we might have even gotten food at Corona Village that night and brought it to her.  One of her favorite places to eat.

During the time I was here last year, my mom often told me she wanted me to sit and get Grandma to tell me stories about her life growing up.  And I would love to say I did it.  But I didn't.  I didn't.  I was too busy.  And whenever I would go in and stand in her room and talk to her for a few minutes, my ears and eyes were always half in the hallway and half in Grandma's room.  I know, I had two little tornadoes in a candy store of opportunities to discover and climb and break and turn inside out this entire house!  But I wish I had been a little more respectful of the fact that my grandma was old and was not going to be around forever and the day would come when I would want with everything inside of me to preserve and recreate for my children and their children who this wonderful woman was that gave me such a rich heritage!  I wish I had been a little less caught up in the moment and a little more wise to the context of time in the context of eternity.  But I wasn't.

And now all I can do is wish for each of us a little more conscious use of time and the fact that there is a beginning and an end for all of us that we cannot foresee or control.  It may be that today is all we have.  It may be that we have thousands of todays ahead of us.  And though it would be incredibly stupid and unhealthy to obsess over the fact that life has a beginning AND an end that we cannot determine the timing of, it would do us good to keep it in mind evey now and then.

And the other thing I have determined to do is to write down the memories that come to me of Grandma.  Because there are so many things she cannot tell me about from her life.  But there are things from my life that mixed with her life that I can leave for my children.  And then they will understand their rich heritage and the legacy they must continue to leave for generations to come.

I Have TWO Little Hands

Brianna has discovered her hands . . . and her fingers.  Yesterday I went up to mom's room to get her and change her diaper and feed her and Mom told me to just watch her for a minute.  She went to put her hand in her mouth like she always does and then stopped short. She looked at her hand and slowly moved each one of her fingers and just stared at them.  It was like she had realized for the first time that when she moved her arm, that thing in front of her moved.  And when she moved her fingers, those things on that thing in front of her moved.  It was truly fascinating!  She repeated it a few times in the five minutes I was standing there, but Mom said she had been doing it for quite a while.  And Gramma was getting QUITE a kick out of watching Brianna discover . . . Brianna.  She kept telling her - "Those are Brianna's hands!  Brianna can do that, Brianna can move them!  Yeah - see?  Those are Brianna's hands!"

It was also super cute that five-year-old Madison followed up Gramma's cues by telling her, "Yeah - those are Brianna's hands.  And you are Brianna!  See?"

Oh discoveries and entertainment all around.

I am sure this is probably a developmental milestone - but I don't know much about that.  I just know that it is really cute and really fun to watch her discovering these things right now!

Touch the Bubbles

A few days ago I was sitting on my mom's bed breastfeeding Brianna.  The kids have all been sick, so we have a humidifier by the bed on my mom's computer desk.  While I sat there, Isaac walked up the stairs and started to play in the other room.  Soon he joined me in Mom's room.  And then he noticed the humidifier.  They have one in their room at home and spilled it lots of times before we got them to stop spilling it and just let it be.  So I wasn't worried.

Before I could blink, I heard a bang and saw the water tank had fallen to the floor.  I, of course, freaked out.  Sitting there feeding Brianna had been the first moment I had sat down all day - putting out fire after fire, tantrum, mess, etc.  I yelled at him - man did I yell.  "How could you do that?  You know you aren't supposed to touch the humidifiers!  This is no different than the one at home, Isaac!  Why did you knock it over?" Yeah - not proud of all the yelling.

And he quietly took it as I sat on the bed feeding Brianna, anticipating a keyboard with water all over it or a floor with water all over it or . . . . What a horrible thing, right?  To have to clean up WATER of all things.  I am sure my anger was merited!

Then Isaac came over to the bed and got up in my face and very quietly and sweetly said, "Mommy?  Mommy. Mom. Want to touch bubbles!" 

My heart melted - all anger sent to the North Pole in two seconds flat!  I looked at the humidifier base and back at Isaac and said, "You wanted to touch the bubbles in the water?" 

Isaac - "Mmmm hmmm." 

He looked down, ashamed, and I touched his face and said, "Isaac - I am sorry I yelled at you.  But honey, we can't touch those bubbles.  They're in the case and we can't reach them, okay?"

Isaac - "Okay."

And we had a big hug and off he ran.

Sometimes I think my children are full-fledged criminals out to get me - make every mess possible, disobey every command, deliberately spill and spoil everything in their path, disassemble things I didn't know could BE disassembled.  Hahahaha!  Even as I was typing this I had to jump up and run down the hall to my grandma's glass-enclosed casing that holds all of her fragile, antique, and very special porcelain dolls.  How many times have I told them to stay out of that one over the years?  Me and every other adult and child over four in this house!

But in that moment I was reminded that my children are great kids!  They are not intentionally TRYING to be difficult and create messes and destroy porcelain dolls or peek-a-boo flap books or humidifiers or elliptical machines or whatever else.  They are just discovering and learning and creating through destroying . . . if that makes sense.

So I need to take a few chill pills and pick my battles and learn what needs to be stopped with discipline and what needs to be understood and a teaching moment.

Isn't parenting fun? ;-D

Here you go, Lisa!

We took Isaac to the doctor yesterday after spending a day putting hot packs (hand warmers I bought at Walgreens - work like a charm) on his ear to even get him to sleep the previous day. 

Last night while I was at Wal-Mart buying his medicine, Lisa and Mom were here getting the twins ready for bed and watching a night-time scripture movie. 

Lisa told me that as she sat in the rocking chair, her ear really started hurting.  She looked over at my mom and said, "My ear really hurts.  I think I might be getting the kids' ear infections!"

Isaac, who had been sitting on my mom's lap, got down and walked over to Lisa.  In a quiet, sweet little voice he got up on her lap and said, "Lisa - you ear hurt?"  She said, "Yes, Isaac, it does."  He said, "Okay - I be back minute."

He got down off her lap and walked over to the table to get a now cold hand warmer off of it.  Then he walked back over to the chair, climbed up on Lisa's lap, put the hand warmer on her ear, and said, "That better?"

She smiled and said, "Oh, yes, Isaac - I feel much better now!  Thank you!"

He gave her a HUGE smile and shook his head and said, "You welcome, Lisa!"

What a lesson in sweetness, in compassion, in empathy!  It reminds me of the scripture about the man who was forgiven a large debt and then turned around and would not forgive a small debt.  He hadn't learned compassion along with his forgiveness.  The lesson is that we be as forgiving, show a little empathy to others when they find their ears hurting like ours have in the past!

And sometimes the hardest person to give the same kindness and forgiveness to is ourselves. 

I love you Isaac Man!  Thank you for teaching me every day, reminding me over and over how lucky I am among so many other amazing lessons in love!

My Heart Took a Picture

Abby and Isaac and Brianna are all sick.  Oh, wait - let me show you my surprise face . . . . Yeah, I don't really have one.  This scene is all too common and familiar!  Draining me and my budget!  But that's a story for never a day! ;-D

The night before last, I went upstairs to my mom's bedroom where we are all sleeping.  The routine is that I put the kids to bed in "Gamma's bed" and then move them when they are asleep.  Oh, and I have to mention that they find their way back to Gamma's bed several times a night, but the intent is to have just two in the bed instead of five.

Anyway - as I was putting them to bed, they kept hitting each other, pushing their feet against each other, rubbing the wall, rolling on top of each other on "accident" and just doing the typical sibling stuff.  And after over an hour -- they were NOT SLEEPING.  And momma was NOT HAPPY.  So I did what a smart mom would have done from the beginning: laid in between them. 

Now in the midst of all of this not-sleeping accident-happening fanfare, I had reached over and held one of each of their hands.  Not that it had the impact I had hoped because they still got creative with their other hands and feet.  But I gave it a good shot.

When I laid in between them, Isaac held on tightly to the one hand he had been holding.  And then he took the other hand and started petting my face, like I do to them to gently close their eyes when they aren't sleeping.  But I saw it as just one more distraction to keep him awake, so I turned my head towards the other twin.  Then he started stroking my ponytail.  And there we laid, my hand in his, his other hand gently stroking my ponytail until he fell asleep. 

Did I mention he fell asleep holding my hand and stroking my ponytail?  Just checking.

It was really sweet.

One of my dear friends wrote a post a few days ago about how there are times when you have to create moments that will be memories for your children.  You make the mess in the kitchen to make the cookies inspite of the mess in order to have the memory of making the cookies and the smiles and giggles on your children's faces when you do.

I agree with her SO MUCH!  But this little moment with my little man taught me something else.

Sometimes you just have to quiet your heart down enough for it to take a picture of the moments you did not and could not in a million years create . . . or ever forget!

In this moment, no mess necessary, no elaborate plan put into motion, no calories for the sake of my children having a fun memory with mom -- my heart took a picture.  And lest I forget, I'm writing it down.

It reminds me of another picture my heart took the last time we were here at my mom's - after Brianna was born when Dave was so sick for so long.  I had taken the twins up to put them to bed.  Same scene, different day.  I was holding Brianna.  Isaac was pitching fit after fit.  Finally he looked at me and said, "Mom - I hold Beenana, I hold him."  I reluctantly gave in after a few persistent requests.  And he laid there still as a board and held her on his arm, his little head touching her little head, the most peaceful expression on his face as they slept.  And he didn't move a muscle.  And this mommy heart took a picture of a little boy loving and protecting and cuddling with his baby sister. 

I hope there are many more picture-taking moments like these to record, just in case my camera breaks or forgets with old age or gets a full card that I can't sort through to find the specific pictures I'm looking for! ;-D

Let your heart be quiet today -- see what pictures it has been taking all along!