Sir Belvis' First Publication

ssssssssK - wanna laugh at a corny story? You know you do! I found this in my e-mail the other day and decided it was time to pull it out and dust it off. :-)

Context: My friend Russell is quite possibly the sweetest guy in the entire world. He was one of my best friends when I lived in Virginia. He'd been wanting to make me his mom's famous brownies for . . . well, since I got there. So, the night of the Priesthood Session of General Conference, my roomie and I decided to throw a pajama party for all the girls that wanted to come. I asked Russell to make his mom's brownies, and he did. However, the recipe made like 60 - and we thought that we might get 60 girls. He worked on them for more than the two hours between sessions, and he was 20 minutes late to Priesthood Session because he wanted it to look just right and had them all cut up and laid out on a silver platter. I had offered to help - but he said his mom really didn't want anyone to know the recipe. We felt so touched by his extra efforts and so bad that he was late for Priesthood that I suggested we bag the girlie plans and heart-attack him. So, I wrote this story and the girls cut out hearts and wrote all sorts of crazy things on them -- they even came up with some REALLY great pick-up lines. Like, "If you were a library book, not only would I check you out, but I'd never finish paying the late fees." It was fun! I wish we'd written them all down. Then we snuck into his house, plastered the stairs and walls and bathroom and doors and everything with all of these hearts, and left the story on his bedroom door. What was really funny is that his dad came home before we were done. We thought it was Russell! So, we darted into the spare bedroom, but of course his dad had already heard us -- it's a really old farm-type house. I don't know whose heart beat faster -- his as he ascended the stairs to see what was going on or ours when we discovered it wasn't Russell and dashed out of there as fast as we could. I went back later to help with dishes - he left the kitchen turned upside down! Anyway - Russell told Lauren once that his middle name started with a B and was like a singer. So, she guessed things like, "Bolivia Newton John" and "Belvis." His middle name is literally "Beesinger," but Belvis stuck. . . and Sir Belvis was born. You don't get the great illustrations we made, but here's the story:

Sir Belvis' Daring Rescue

Once upon a time in Walnut Valley, there was a house full of girls, tucked between three English hills.

On Belvis Hill lived a true knight . . . appropriately dressed in balloon pants and a hoodie. But don't let his attire fool you. If this knight's heart was a food, it would be the most delectable brownies a girl could ever ask for.

One rainy afternoon, the girls in Walnut Valley were overcome by the mighty, roaring thunder clouds that had covered the valley for far too long to recall. They poured down unfathomable rain, the kind that strips trees of their blossoms and leaves nature lifeless.

Their hearts sunk deeper and deeper, like a bowling ball thrown from a bridge into a dark abyss of still water.

Their moans drifted from the valley to the top of Belvis Hill and woke up our fearless knight.

"What to do . . . what to do?" he thought. His first thought was flowers, but the rain had killed them all. His next thought was food . . . .

But what could possibly be potent enough to kill the pains the hunger cloud had left behind?

He opened his magic book of spells and secret family recipes, but nothing seemed to fit.

He searched the house - upstairs and down - and finally, beneath the century-old pixie dust and cobwebs in the basement, he found it: The Magic Chocolate Brownie Mix held secret in his family for generations.

He whipped and he stirred and he pureed and he mixed . . . words cannot describe the great sacrifice this knight put forth for these girls.

The sun set and rose; the day turned to four, and finally he rose from the basement with a silver platter filled with the magic brownies. He even managed to dig up a pink bow somewhere in that basement of forgotten treasures.

He mounted his . . . stairs, entered his blue Cadillac, and drove through the rain to the deep trench of Walnut Valley.

When he reached the house, he knocked seven times, but so great were the moanings within that the girls could not hear him.

"What to do . . . what to do?" he thought. It really was very Winnie the Pooh-esque.

Just then lightening struck -- figuratively speaking, of course.

He gently placed the brownies on the doorstep and dashed back to his Cadillac.

What do you think happened next? ------- No - he didn't drive through the front door. He's not a mean knight!

He honked his horn -- a magic horn, of course, that released the most beautiful melody ever heard in that valley.
So powerful was the tune that the girls immediately stopped their wailing . . .

And the rain stopped falling . . .

And ------ No, not quite. Not everything was restored to life; that would just be silly.

However, each and every one of the girls was left with an incredible smile on her face, smiles so bright and enduring that no hunger cloud could ever penetrate the valley again.

---- The End ----

So - I'm thinking I might start a children's book series some day: The Adventures of Sir Belvis. It might not get farther than my front door, but I think it would be really fun! And kids don't notice that things like this are corny! They're the most forgiving of all audiences. ;-D

I hope you all at least smiled -- even just one time.

Melinda :-)