This has been a crazy week for me, and it's only two days into it. First I was involved in a pretty intense discussion about an article published in the New York Times by an ex-sister-missionary about her experiences on her mission (I don't think I have to spell out that it wasn't a positive article, particularly for me as a returned missionary who LOVED my mission and cannot fathom the idea that anyone could feel otherwise). Then I returned to Facebook tonight and was looking up old friends that I haven't kept in touch with in many years. I didn't get far before stumbling across the page of a young man I actually considered marrying at one point. Imagine my immense sadness to see that he is presumably atheist now, drinks, smokes cigars, jokes around about using and dumping women to his heart's desire, talks about his support of people who divorce their parents and sees the absolute need for it in some cases, jokes around about visiting the LDS church and taking the sacrament just to throw the cups back in their faces and call them idiots for serving water when Jesus drank wine, . . . . the list goes on.
How do people reach this point? Seriously. How in the world do these things happen? Dave and I have had quite a few conversations in the last few days (to the point that he's kind of sick of hearing about certain topics/conversations over and over again -- sorry, Dave!) about testimony. We have talked quite a bit about expressing your viewpoints when you don't agree with other people and where/when to draw the line. We have talked quite a bit about our mission experiences, about invitations and council that we have received from the Lord and perhaps not followed through on quite as strongly as we should.
Essentially, it really does all boil down to a number of small things.
- Did you read your scriptures today? Did you actually study them or did you just skim them? Do you remember what you read? Have you thought about how to apply it to your life and how it relates to your personal struggles, joys, life changes, etc.? If you are married, did you take time to have a meaningful gospel-related conversation and/or study something together and discuss how to apply it in your marriage, home, and family? Have you made and/or taken time to have a testimony-building or affirming conversation with your children, to bear testimony to them and give them a chance to feel the power of the Word of God?
- Did you pray today? How many times? For what purpose? With what intent? Do you remember what you said? Did you take time to listen and hear and feel that God was listening to you and what His message might be to you regarding the things on your mind? Did you start your day with a prayer, end your day with a prayer, and actually pray throughout the day as you felt to give thanks, feared and needed peace, doubted and needed answers, etc.? Did you TALK to your Heavenly Father? Did you feel His love for you? Did you include the invitation from Pres. Monson to pray that areas that have not yet allowed the Gospel into their borders will be opened, even that miracles will occur to make it possible? Have you prayed with your spouse? Have you prayed with your children? Could they hear repetition or sincerity and love and reverence in your prayer, even the short ones for tiny ears and short attention spans?
- Have you paid an honest and complete tithing this month? Last month? In the last three months? Six? Year? Where is your heart when you pay? Is it joyful, bitter, content? Do you look for ways to NOT pay tithing on perhaps more questionable areas of increase for you and/or your family? Have you contributed to the other funds of the Church, paid a generous fast offering no matter your situation? When was the last time you fasted? Do you remember what it was about? Did you receive instruction, peace, answers to questions in your fast, etc.? Are you teaching your children about tithing and fast offerings - through your own action/attitude and through identified/prepared moments specifically set aside TO teach them?
- Did you watch General Conference last month? If you missed it, have you made up for the time you missed and began working to catch up on the messages/instruction/etc.? How do you feel about General Conference? Do you look forward to it each and every time it comes around? Do you feel bothered by the time you have to take out of your schedule, looking for reasons to miss or skip one session or another? Are you excited to receive further light and knowledge from the Lord's servants? Do you use the time to give your children testimonies of a living prophet of God and apostles on the earth today? Do you watch it to critique everything that is said, find faults you can pass off as mortal weaknesses in imperfect men? Do you get a copy of the Conference Ensign and anxiously begin to study the messages given and apply them to your lives? Did you make sure to include your children in Conference, find ways to point out things that apply to them/take moments to testify to them in word and action of the blessing of modern revelation?
- Do you attend the temple as often as you can? Do you look for excuses to NOT make it one week or one month, etc.? Do you take time to prepare for your experience - mentally, physically, spiritually? Do you pay close attention to and look for ways you can improve in applying the covenants you have made? Do you sleep through every session, arrive late or just barely on time, and leave as soon as it's over? Do you look forward to the meal before or after more than you do to the session itself? What music are you listening and conversations are you engaging in as you drive to and home from the temple? Are you spending so much time trying to find something new that you are missing the value of applying the basic, "old," and obvious parts of the ceremonies? Have you followed Pres. Hinckley's invitation to double your temple attendance . . . . and re-applied it . . . . and re-applied it? Do you think about the interview questions that qualify you to be there each time you attend and reassess your worthiness and how you can improve? Do you take your children to the temple and testify to them about the work done within its walls and the blessings that affect them personally?
- Do you worthily partake of and prepare for the blessing of partaking of the Sacrament each week? Do you meditate each week on your covenants, on your personal repentance and salvation, and on your relationship with the Savior? If you have kids, is sacrament meeting something you are teaching them about? Do you and your children practice reverence each Sunday? Is your sabbath-day observance something that starts when you arrive late for your meetings and ends when you get home, eat dinner, and take your Sunday nap? Do you arrive early, prepared to receive and feel and grow; to be sanctified and purified; to renew your covenants and rejuvenate? When you are getting ready, are you thinking about what people will think about your hair, makeup, clothes, etc. - or that of your children, for that matter - instead of on the covenants you will be renewing, the service you will be rendering, etc.?
But this week's events/conversations have been a real wake-up call for me. I have re-realized that there are some things you cannot afford to leave to chance. There are some things you cannot afford to let slide without correction. There are some things you have to MAKE happen every day, things you cannot afford to leave undone as you drift off to sleep. I think myself as a sister missionary a few years ago would have a whole lot to say to the me staring at her in the mirror now. And it's ironic that it has become more difficult to do some of these things as I have become a wife and mother, now when it's even more important that I do them because it isn't just ME that is depending on me to do them. I am shaping the future of my children, the attitudes they will have, the opportunities they will have to feel and recognize the Spirit for the first time and subsequent times when they need to draw upon it the most. And I am doing it in the moments they don't even know are happening right now.
". . . by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise." Alma 37:6
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