Defining Moments

Yesterday at Sam's Club, the lady checking our basket as we left had buttons on her jacket with pictures of her little boy.  Curious George and his co-pilot, Curious Georgina quickly noticed and asked her, "What's that?" pointing to her buttons.  She told them it was her little boy playing baseball.  Then they pointed to the other button and said, "What's that?" and she explained it was the same boy playing soccer.  Then she said, "Except he just plays soccer now - he doesn't want to do baseball anymore.  And it's expensive, but gotta keep 'em active so they keep out of trouble.  No other way to raise kids these days."  I smiled, thanked her, the kids enthusiastically called and waved, "BYE!" as we left.  And it stuck with me.

Today as I drove home from getting food for the week, I heard an interview on a Christian radio station.  The gist of the conversation was on how to save your kids in today's world.  They talked about how things have changed, how sensuality has changed the focus of our society, even for young children.  They talked about how many kids and teens say they would rather die than be seen as uncool - or for girls (and I DO mean girls) as un-"sexy."  Mortality rates due to eating disorders have apparently risen; and parents teaching the biblical teaching of abstinence is seen as a thing of the past - an almost laughable thing of the past since most kids see anywhere with anyone at anytime as completely acceptable and normal.  And they talked about how the media has influenced and shaped this even more than a teen's peers.  IN FACT, the MEDIA has become this generation of teens' #1PEER GROUP. 

My mind jumped to a few other conversations:
1) A woman spoke to us about our church's family night and said that it was an IDEAL time to discuss difficult topics like sex, pornography, and drugs.  In fact, in one of their family night discussions, they spoke in detail about pornography: what it was, where it was found, why it was bad, what to do if they were ever confronted by it at school, on the computer, etc.  Their fifth-grader returned home later that week, running into the house and up to his mom and told her, slightly out of breath, "MOM!  Remember that P-word stuff we talked about in family night on Monday?  So-and-so brought a magazine to school today and showed me some, and I told him to put it away because I don't look at stuff like that."  A FIFTH grade boy.  That mother shared that perhaps the reason a teen is said to turn to and listen to his peers is not because those people are most important to him but because his parents throw him into those groups instead of making home and family their core group where they spend the majority of their time.  Parents register them for every activity on the planet, keeping them busy to keep them out of trouble but never register them for time with the family where they will REALLY learn about the things that will keep them out of trouble.  The radio talk show also addressed the fact that one of the first thing a parent who has a troubled teen in an emergency situation needs to do is schedule a date with that teen on a weekly basis -- not to lecture or discuss the emergency, just to hang out, connect, become friends, be together. Truly, the FAMILY, is central to God's plan to protect and support and sustain us in times when society will fail.

2) In church we had a lesson on Pornography.  A lady shared that her 12-year-old nephew had been introduced to it after a church activity by some members of his church group.  They had subsequently ALL become addicted and it was some time before their parents caught on to what was happening and were able to intervene.  I say intervene - because overcoming pornography is something that many of my friends can attest will take a LIFETIME of intervention and committed dedication.  And the scars it leaves on the wives and children stuck in the process will take at least that long to heal. I have realized many times that pornography doesn't just pop up for those seeking it or in chat rooms or grocery lines.  And the fact that PARENTS are addicted means that more CHILDREN become exposed.  And those children share.  And church groups and homes are not necessarily sanctuaries from these things.  We have to make a conscious effort to MAKE them sanctuaries but also be on top of KEEPING them sanctuaries by being involved in our kids lives and KNOWING what is going on, not just assuming that weekly church attendance and a picture of the prophet on the wall and christian hymns on the radio or ipod are going to secure our home is protected.

3) While I was at my mom's we were watching an episode of "The Doctors."  They were talking about sexually transmitted diseases and how they need to give condoms to THIRD GRADERS because of the number of instances of STD's - particularly life-long and incurable ones like HIV - that pop up in hospitals among those THIRD GRADE children.  They said parents need to pull their heads out and realize that this is a reality and go to bat for their kids by giving them condoms and education that will protect them from ruining their lives so young by contracting these STD's. 

4) My sister, who teaches Family and Consumer Sciences in a predominantly-Christian area, is forbidden from speaking about sex, sexuality, protection, etc. in all its forms.  Even to her high school students.  She presented a lesson plan which included her having her students make bookmarks of 101 ways to say I LOVE YOU without having sex.  She was told she could NOT teach something like that and would be written up if she dared.  She is teaching, after all, in a very Christian community; and the parents of her students do not feel comfortable with someone mentioning sex or teaching sex education in such a public arena.  Those same students laugh at her whenever she talks about dating do's and dont's and tell her that they are WAY beyond talking about kissing among their friends with "benefits."  And they make it clear that those benefits are NOT holding hands and kissing.  A few students have even come to her to ask her what they should do about an unplanned pregnancy because they can't tell their parents - they'll be shunned and thrown out of the house if their parents know.

So here I sit with two-year-olds, trying to put into words and a plan in my mind what to do with all of this information in a quickly-changing world whose morals, I am afraid, have spiraled downwards way more quickly than anyone foresaw.  I say anyone, but the youth pamphlet that my church puts out has addressed these things for years.  I'm thankful to be a part of a church community where there are resources - even though I am learning that this is DEFINITELY not going to be nearly enough!  But it is still nice to have watchmen on the towers!  And now it's up to me to not be ignorant and to be proactive about all of this.

Mommy, I Sad

Isaac came in from jumping on the trampoline this afternoon to a VERY BUSY Mommy and Daddy who were trying to make a handout for my first Power of Moms Girls Night Out tonight. 

Isaac: Mommy . . . Mom . . . Mom?  I sad.
Me: (Trying to over-dramatize all of my actions and make him laugh, I scoop him up in a HUGE bear hug and kiss his forehead with a loud kiss) You're sad?  Why are you sad?
Isaac: Cuz I want jump on trampoline, and it too hot.
Me: Uh-oh!  It's too hot outside?
Isaac: Yeah.
Me: I'm sorry.  Are you going to be okay?
Isaac: Yeah.
Me: (thinking this exchange is more about him needing attention than anything else) Do you want to go outside now and jump on the trampoline?
Isaac: No. It too hot. (He stands there, head bowed, not moving.  I know this is my cue for something, but I'm not sure exactly what it is yet."
Me: Well, we can try again in the morning before it gets hot.
Isaac: (nothing - not even a raised eyebrow from this sullen boy)
Me: Or you could go in Abby's room and play with the blocks.
Isaac: (light comes on - followed by smiles and excited shouts as he runs across the room) Yeah!  I can play blocks!

I think this is okay and return to my project.  A few seconds later. . .
Isaac: Mom. Mommy.  Mom? I sad.
Me: Isaac?  Why are you sad?
Isaac: Mom - c'mere, Mom.  C'mon, Mommy - c'mon. (he takes my hand to lead me across the hall)
Me: Just one second, Isaac - let me finish this one thing.
Isaac: (to his credit, he waits a few seconds) Mom? Mommy.  Mom?  Will you please come here?  Mommy?  Please come here, Mom.

I immediately get up and walk across the room and get out the blocks and clean up the other toys so he can see them and focus and build without other distractions/toys in the way.  Then I return to what I was doing.

Why did I write this tonight?  Well, a few reasons.
1) This is the first time Isaac has come and identified to me how he was feeling and why AND waited for me to offer a solution to his problem that would really SOLVE his problem.  That HAS to be a developmental milestone recorded in some book somewhere as something that he will start doing at this age.  And I am really, really proud of him!
2) I was working on a handout for a meeting designed to help me be a better MOTHER.  Living deliberately to create the life I want AND my children want/need.  And yet I was ignoring a perfect opportunity to put it to action!  Now there ARE times and seasons for these moments.  There are times to play and times to focus on something else.  And there are lessons for kids to learn in each of those times.  But today -- TODAY -- Isaac needed me.  My undivided attention.  A playmate bigger than Abby.  Help with his newly-identified problem.  And I don't think I respond to those needs nearly as often as I should.
3) My little boy is growing up.  And someday, in the not-too-distant future, I am going to want to hear his voice, to pause the clock for a minute to remember what he said, how he said it, how I felt when I heard it.  Someday he isn't going to come to me for help.  He might not even be willing to tell me when he is sad.  And he definitely won't invite me to come to his aid and be his playmate.  And when that happens, it will make ME sad. 

But for now . . . for today . . . I just want to remember. 

My Name Isaac

A little conversation today after Dave got home from work. Context: the girls were still asleep and to keep them that way, I had put "Toy Story 2" on for Isaac to cuddle with me on the sofa and watch.  He was sitting next to me, eyes glued to the television, when Dave decided to join us on the sofa. 

Dave sat on the other side of Isaac and, giving him a big hug, said, "Hi, Buddy!" 

Isaac, without even glancing in his direction, said, "My name Isaac." 

Ummmmmmm . . . .

Life is like Hair Follicles

In other news, I would like to record that after 32 long years of fighting pokey hair and horns, David FINALLY learned how to comb his hair!  We are SOOOO proud of him! Hahahahahahaha! 

In all seriousness, though, he said he was standing in front of the mirror yesterday, fighting with getting enough gel in his hair to get his spike to stay down in the back when he thought, "I wonder what would happen if I parted it and combed it the other way."  Know what happened?  It stayed that way.  All day.  All night, too.  All these years he has been going against the grain, and his hair NEVER conformed! And now we know why.

I was thinking about how much that pertains to LIFE.  How often do we spend a TON of time, energy, money, etc. trying to make something in our lives go the way we think it should go?  When in reality, it was never meant to go that way.  We try this product and that product, this spray and that spray, and surely this one is what will finally make it be what we want it to be.  But the fix is so much simpler than that - just let it be, comb it the other way. 

Unfortunately for David, and for many of us, he wasn't trying to make it something it wasn't.  He just simply didn't realize what it was.  And as soon as he did and went along with what it WAS, everything went smoothly!  Something he had spent YEARS trying to control ended up being something he had spent years trying to change - and once he tapped into it for what it was, VIOLA!  PRESTO!  No more problem.  No more expensive products. No more too-short hair cuts just to keep it from being a problem.  No more hat days just to hid the spike!

I'm only sorry he didn't learn earlier that his hair GREW in the opposite direction and would never comb the way he was trying to comb it without a spike!  Too bad he never had anyone come along with the expertise in "hair follicles" to tell him he was simply combing it the wrong way.  It would have been easier - gotten rid of one extra stress (albeit a small stress - it was still a stress for YEARS) in his life.

Another lesson for life - some simple solutions just have to be learned in time.  No one else can point them out.  No one else can discover the problem or create the change. Learn what IS and let it BE! ;-D

Is that a SMILE?

I was just feeding Brianna when I looked down at her smiling face and realized she had a mouth full of TEETH - like a REAL, non-baby smile!!!  "What?!?!?!" thought I, in disbelief!  I reached down and moved her upper lip and rubbed my finger over her gums - and sure enough, she has the outline in her gums of the teeth that have FINALLY begun to break through! YAY Brianna!  Another milestone!

We Like to Potty -- We Like, We Like to Potty

When my brother was potty training his second son, he was also a disc jockey for dances.  I remember one night the song that goes, "We like to party -- we like, we like to party" came on the radio, and he was over and said that was Jared's theme song for potty training him.  Party became potty and - viola!  Kids LOVE things like that!

Fast forward a few years and it's my turn.  While I was at my mom's house, my sister decided to spearhead this potty-training movement and took Abby to the potty.  Then she sang a little song that went something like, "Abby went pee-pee in the potty, Abby went pee-pee in the potty."  Well -- Abby remembered that song and began singing it at random times.  The other half of that story is that Abby subsequently (in the same hour) went pee-pee in the potty again, on the wood floor, and in front of the front door.  And that ended that potty-training movement as my frustrated sister declared she was done and returned Abby's diaper to her bottom.

Well - we decided to take it on full force this weekend.  I was a little skeptical, but Dave had done some research and read that it only took a few days for them to get the hang of it, and since we had a few days in this two-day weekend, we declared today the first day of the first ever Chaffee Family Potty Training Weekend!

How did it go?  Pretty well.  We learned that it is best to begin these kinds of things when your child is well-rested/has had a good night's sleep the night before.  Otherwise you get temper tantrums and/or meltdowns every time you suggest they try to go to the bathroom in the toilet.  But once Abby got into it and Isaac was denied candy the first two times that Abby got it, he decided to jump on board!  And the rest of the day went really, really well.

We decided to strip them down to nothing, fill them up with all sorts of liquids (soda pop, fruit juice, fruit smoothies, water, chocolate milk - you name it), and offer them candy (peanut M&M's or Jelly Belly's) every time they used the bathroom.  Oh, and we locked them in the kitchen for all the time between potty uses to take advantage of the easy-clean tile floors. We set the timer for 10 minutes and took them excitedly to the bathroom every ten minutes, whether they actually went or not. We didn't get training toilets, I just bought some little stools for them to use to get up to the toilet and to get up to the sink to wash their hands.  In between potty attempts/successes/accidents, they took baths, watched movies, colored, played with blocks, drew on their chalkboards, and jumped on the trampoline! (We got a picture of them on the trampoline -- it was really cute . . . until Isaac's stomach decided it had HAD it with sugar and he threw up all over everything.  Good thing he was on the trampoline, right?  Dave hosed the tramp and the twins down, they came inside, and we resumed schedule as if nothing had happened - well, we actually cut back to one piece of candy instead of two and offered them water to drink for the rest of the afternoon.)

The results of day 1: Isaac asked to go potty. Abby got to the point she wouldn't let you take her off of the toilet until she had gone potty and gotten a piece of candy.  In fact, we had to lock Abby out of the bathroom to KEEP her from trying to go potty and washing her hands a million times in a row.  I think that's a pretty good sign.

So all we have to do is get through church tomorrow and hit it hard again for the afternoon/evening. 

Next week -- well, since Dave will be gone, I decided to keep this naked time going (cuz it is SOOOOO EASY to clean up messes on tile floors and not have to spend a ton of time scrubbing out clothes for the time being).  I made a sticker chart to replace candy - partially because they aren't that used to getting candy around here and I'm not a huge fan of giving kids even sugar-free candy on a REGULAR basis and partially because I think the candy thing gets a little old and doesn't really build up to anything bigger to keep them going.  So I'm going to make a trip to the dollar store with them and let them pick out a few prizes - and when they fill up each line of the sticker chart, they have met a goal and get a prize.  I have seven lines - seven goals - seven prizes, and probably seven days of potty-training goodness.  That will take us to the next weekend when Daddy is home and we can - together - transition to big-kid underwear! Yay!

Middle Child Syndrome

I realized this morning that I have been SO LAX and a SLACKER extraordinario in recording all the things my little Brianna girl is accomplishing in her life right now.  So a couple of milestones for her:
1) She's eating solid foods.  They say you should start eating solids when you're around six months old.  But Brianna was ready and tracking and reaching with intensity by five.  I waited a little but caved around five and a half months.  She LOVES to eat with everyone else.  If one of us is eating, she's salivating/smacking her lips, eyes fixed on her prey (usually food she can't eat).  Seriously! ;-D  And she cries if she gets left out.  I mean, she often gets left out because her siblings still have her on getting attention from mom.  And she does okay with that for a while, watching me walk back and forth between twins and food and twins and water and twins and dishwasher and twins and paper towels to clean up their spills and twins and . . . . but then she hits her limit and it's like, "Um, MOM!!! Hel-looooooooo!  I am totally starving here and you keep going and getting food for everyone but ME!"

She LOVES sweet potatoes.  She won't touch sweet peas (which is crazy because those were the twins' favorite food!).  At first taste, she all but spit green beans, sweet peas, and ground up meat (who wouldn't, though?) back at me.  She'll try a bite or two - to her credit - but when she decides she isn't liking it, she pierces her lips together really tight and stares at me like, "Really, Mom?  How many signs do I have to give you for you to get it that I am NOT eating that food?!  Bring out the good stuff.  I know you have it."  She's come around on the green beans and the meat (maybe she was starving when I tried them for the second time?  I dunno!).  So it's been fun!  But she LOVES sweet potatoes more than anything else, even applesauce or bananas or pears or anything.  She's her momma's girl!


2) Rocking!!!!  This is really exciting for me.  I don't remember when the twins started getting up on all fours and rocking back and forth, but Brianna has just started doing that in the last few days.  Like two.  And it is so fun to watch her!  Every time the twins and/or Mommy get on the floor, she observes like a hawk!  And then you see her scooted back in a corner or under the table or piano bench or something, somewhere she has had to stop and can't scoot back anymore every time she tries to go forward, and pretty quickly she is up on all fours and rocking -- just one or two rocks, but rocks nonetheless.

I know you may be thinking that this is all normal and you can read in the textbooks that she is on track for her age.  And honestly, I'm okay with that.  Cuz I'm just tracking HER textbook.  And it is SO MUCH FUN!

3) She loves to be UP!  All the time!  Observing everything she can and trying to imitate it.  She even found Abby's sippy cup of water on the floor the other day and had maneuvered it to her mouth and was trying to drink out of it.  She just wants to be a grown up.  And when you sing to her - you have never seen a child get SO excited - she starts smiling, laughing, kicking her legs, flapping her arms - she just LOVES it!

4) She can almost sit up on her own.  All she has left to do is figure out how to scoot her legs to get them up.  She's got the cork-screw turn down pat, though; and she is flexible beyond words in getting turned around and halfway up!  So I think she'll be sitting up SOON!

5) She is intense like Isaac was.  When my sister's friend, Georgia, met Brianna, she later told Lisa that she had never seen a baby so focused and intense before - like she was looking right into your soul.  Isaac was like that - and Brianna is intense in her observations and diligent in her imitations.

6) Her disposition.  She is the sweetest, sweetest, most chillaxed baby you have ever met!  Or at least I have ever met.  She is patient beyond words -- like I said, even when she is hungry she will watch me take care of everyone else and just sit there patiently until she has had it - which is sometimes 20-30 minutes after I put her in her chair and start getting her food ready.  She puts up with a LOT from these toddler twin siblings of hers.  A LOT.  And she takes it all really well, mostly wanting to be a part of it more than anything.  Abby and Isaac love her - sometimes a little too much and sometimes with a little tough love, but she takes it and is usually really patient with them.

So hopefully I've redeemed her a little bit from suffering the middle child syndrome of being overlooked and overshadowed.  I DO have pictures -- but they're mostly on my nieces camera right now.  So those will - yet again - have to wait until later.  But she is still holding onto her little strawberry blond hair, and I am really excited about that!  Her eye lashes are a beautiful auburn, and I wouldn't mind one bit if she took after her aunts and had rich, thick, beautiful reddish hair!

Be Still, My Soul

Just a few thoughts that are running disjointedly through my head.  Sorry my blog isn't a picture book - I guess my world doesn't happen in pictures! ;-D

"Be still, my soul - the Lord is on thy side!" I am really feeling the tender mercies of the Lord today.  I feel so incredibly blessed.  When you do all you can, He truly does make up the difference.  Sometimes "all you can do" takes you to the very edge of what you have the strength to bear.  And when He has tested your heartstrings and found He still has center place in your heart, He makes it all a little easier to bear, helps you even to feel it is a blessing to struggle and a blessing to have the struggling lifted or even removed. 

"Be still and know that I am God."  In the end, this is what He is working for.  He doesn't worry about depleting funds.  He doesn't worry about sickness or disease or death or trial.  He is all about HAVING your heart.  Having us KNOW that He is God - God over all.  In and about and through and over everything you could ever experience or struggle with.

"Consider the lilies of the field how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin . . . .Wherefore, if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, even so will he clothe you, if ye are not of little faith. Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself."

And there is the real test - seek the Kingdom of God and all other things will be added unto you. Don't pull up or cast away the seed of faith because of fear or doubt or lack of answers.  The Lord is on YOUR side.  And He will take care of everything you need if you will just give Him your heart.

And finally, Neal A. Maxwell taught, "As you submit your wills to God, you are giving Him the only thing you can actually give Him that is really yours to give. Don't wait too long to find the altar or to begin to place the gift of your wills upon it! No need to wait for a receipt; the Lord has His own special ways of acknowledging."

Not Very Nice . . .

Isaac grabbed an apple out of the drawer while I was making dinner.  It was HUGE and I didn't want it wasted, so I took it to cut it in half.  Abby decided she wanted an apple, too.  In spite of the many times I said, "No, Abby, you can't have an apple," and tried to explain to her that I was cutting Isaac's for her to share, she kept cutting me off in protest because she wanted an apple.  I finally just said, "No, Abby - okay?  You can't get another apple, so close the refrigerator door!"  She slammed it shut and then pouted and gave me that look to kill all other looks and stormed off with, "Mom - that's not very nice!"

Well - I guess she's hearing one thing that I keep trying to teach her! :-0