Defining Moments

Yesterday at Sam's Club, the lady checking our basket as we left had buttons on her jacket with pictures of her little boy.  Curious George and his co-pilot, Curious Georgina quickly noticed and asked her, "What's that?" pointing to her buttons.  She told them it was her little boy playing baseball.  Then they pointed to the other button and said, "What's that?" and she explained it was the same boy playing soccer.  Then she said, "Except he just plays soccer now - he doesn't want to do baseball anymore.  And it's expensive, but gotta keep 'em active so they keep out of trouble.  No other way to raise kids these days."  I smiled, thanked her, the kids enthusiastically called and waved, "BYE!" as we left.  And it stuck with me.

Today as I drove home from getting food for the week, I heard an interview on a Christian radio station.  The gist of the conversation was on how to save your kids in today's world.  They talked about how things have changed, how sensuality has changed the focus of our society, even for young children.  They talked about how many kids and teens say they would rather die than be seen as uncool - or for girls (and I DO mean girls) as un-"sexy."  Mortality rates due to eating disorders have apparently risen; and parents teaching the biblical teaching of abstinence is seen as a thing of the past - an almost laughable thing of the past since most kids see anywhere with anyone at anytime as completely acceptable and normal.  And they talked about how the media has influenced and shaped this even more than a teen's peers.  IN FACT, the MEDIA has become this generation of teens' #1PEER GROUP. 

My mind jumped to a few other conversations:
1) A woman spoke to us about our church's family night and said that it was an IDEAL time to discuss difficult topics like sex, pornography, and drugs.  In fact, in one of their family night discussions, they spoke in detail about pornography: what it was, where it was found, why it was bad, what to do if they were ever confronted by it at school, on the computer, etc.  Their fifth-grader returned home later that week, running into the house and up to his mom and told her, slightly out of breath, "MOM!  Remember that P-word stuff we talked about in family night on Monday?  So-and-so brought a magazine to school today and showed me some, and I told him to put it away because I don't look at stuff like that."  A FIFTH grade boy.  That mother shared that perhaps the reason a teen is said to turn to and listen to his peers is not because those people are most important to him but because his parents throw him into those groups instead of making home and family their core group where they spend the majority of their time.  Parents register them for every activity on the planet, keeping them busy to keep them out of trouble but never register them for time with the family where they will REALLY learn about the things that will keep them out of trouble.  The radio talk show also addressed the fact that one of the first thing a parent who has a troubled teen in an emergency situation needs to do is schedule a date with that teen on a weekly basis -- not to lecture or discuss the emergency, just to hang out, connect, become friends, be together. Truly, the FAMILY, is central to God's plan to protect and support and sustain us in times when society will fail.

2) In church we had a lesson on Pornography.  A lady shared that her 12-year-old nephew had been introduced to it after a church activity by some members of his church group.  They had subsequently ALL become addicted and it was some time before their parents caught on to what was happening and were able to intervene.  I say intervene - because overcoming pornography is something that many of my friends can attest will take a LIFETIME of intervention and committed dedication.  And the scars it leaves on the wives and children stuck in the process will take at least that long to heal. I have realized many times that pornography doesn't just pop up for those seeking it or in chat rooms or grocery lines.  And the fact that PARENTS are addicted means that more CHILDREN become exposed.  And those children share.  And church groups and homes are not necessarily sanctuaries from these things.  We have to make a conscious effort to MAKE them sanctuaries but also be on top of KEEPING them sanctuaries by being involved in our kids lives and KNOWING what is going on, not just assuming that weekly church attendance and a picture of the prophet on the wall and christian hymns on the radio or ipod are going to secure our home is protected.

3) While I was at my mom's we were watching an episode of "The Doctors."  They were talking about sexually transmitted diseases and how they need to give condoms to THIRD GRADERS because of the number of instances of STD's - particularly life-long and incurable ones like HIV - that pop up in hospitals among those THIRD GRADE children.  They said parents need to pull their heads out and realize that this is a reality and go to bat for their kids by giving them condoms and education that will protect them from ruining their lives so young by contracting these STD's. 

4) My sister, who teaches Family and Consumer Sciences in a predominantly-Christian area, is forbidden from speaking about sex, sexuality, protection, etc. in all its forms.  Even to her high school students.  She presented a lesson plan which included her having her students make bookmarks of 101 ways to say I LOVE YOU without having sex.  She was told she could NOT teach something like that and would be written up if she dared.  She is teaching, after all, in a very Christian community; and the parents of her students do not feel comfortable with someone mentioning sex or teaching sex education in such a public arena.  Those same students laugh at her whenever she talks about dating do's and dont's and tell her that they are WAY beyond talking about kissing among their friends with "benefits."  And they make it clear that those benefits are NOT holding hands and kissing.  A few students have even come to her to ask her what they should do about an unplanned pregnancy because they can't tell their parents - they'll be shunned and thrown out of the house if their parents know.

So here I sit with two-year-olds, trying to put into words and a plan in my mind what to do with all of this information in a quickly-changing world whose morals, I am afraid, have spiraled downwards way more quickly than anyone foresaw.  I say anyone, but the youth pamphlet that my church puts out has addressed these things for years.  I'm thankful to be a part of a church community where there are resources - even though I am learning that this is DEFINITELY not going to be nearly enough!  But it is still nice to have watchmen on the towers!  And now it's up to me to not be ignorant and to be proactive about all of this.