At the Easter Egg hunt last week, I LONGED . . . LONGED . . . to be a volunteer coordinator again, planning community events and projects like that and at the front lines and cross roads heading it all up and basking in the joy I knew I was making possible for those kids to have. In fact, in this large metropolis that is really a distant extension of L.A., there are SO MANY needs in the community that I wish I could be a part of fulfilling. And whenever I drive by the college I think about how much FUN it would be to teach again . . . or even tutor people who need extra help . . . because I know I am GOOD at those things. And they make my heart sing! I'm working on pinning it down to one thing I CAN do - through service somewhere once a month or once a week - but the time. The time involved. The time and opportunity and the time necessary to find the opportunity. And then finding something to do with my kids while I TAKE the opportunity. It gets complicated.
In the midst of all of this, I had the thought -- what if I just had one child. Or what if I had a part-time job. Or what if I had successfully put off having children and didn't have any right now . . . .
And then I picked Brianna up off the floor where she had been contently, even excitedly, playing with . . . a sock and a measuring cup. And she started kicking her legs and flapping her arms and smiling and even laughed in glee as soon as I picked her up. And in came her wide-open mouth up to my cheek to give me a kiss as I pulled her in for a hug. And down the hall, the twins came running in -- Abby running away from Isaac as they played tag (except she always shuts the door behind her so he can't get her -- I guess she's still learning that doors aren't really a part of the game of tag). They were both laughing hysterically, Abby half-dressed with her shirt on backwards (because she dresses herself these days and is VERY adamant about it) enjoying every second and calling to me to protect them!
And my heart smiled. And took a picture. The other things . . . those are pictures I already have in my heart . . . or even pictures I have plenty of time to take someday. But these children. These pictures. These only happen now. These are irreplaceable. These aren't planned or budgeted in or even aptly recorded more than in my heart and mind most of the time. And they are fleeting . . . so fleeting! And when they are through, I will have created more than a moment . . . but a life. A life that will live a lifetime and beyond. A life that will affect other lives. And create other lives. Right now I have three of them, actually -- and that's a lot of living I need to be concerned with right now! That's a lot of time I need to be focused on right now.
So I typed this as my Facebook Status:
and other things that melt your heart 1,000 times over, tickle fights that make your sides hurt even if you AREN'T a part of them (not to mention your EARS!), cuddles and snuggles to your heart's desire, story time whenever you want, snack time five to six times a DAY, the list is endless. The trade-off? TOTALLY worth it. And those other things - there's a time and a season for everything!
"If dinner was always dessert, what joy would dessert hold?" Originally I thought of that in terms of all the things I was missing right now as I focus on my dinner and long for my dessert. But then my heart took a picture that reminded me that these kids are a lifetime of desserts. Dinner is the daily grind . . . necessary, but not necessarily monumental or memorable most days of the week. The rest of the things that my kids are and bring to me . . . that's all desserts. And I need dinner to really appreciate them. So I'll bask in and be thankful for both!
1 comment:
Oh, Melinda! You're missing something big here! But it's easy to miss - the world has camouflaged it so much. You are doing all those things you still dream about doing right now. The "job" just came on so subtly and slowly that it's easy to miss. Those very things you dream about are the things mothers get to do, and only mothers can do them just right for the children they have. It's easy to think it would make more of a difference or be more fun if it was for more people, older people, people we didn't know, or if we went through a hiring process to do it. You DID go through a hiring process - courtship. What an intense interview! Now you get to coordinate activities and tutor and do all those things you love for years to come. And for the best company you could ever work for!
Post a Comment