Careful the Things You Say

Wowzer - has it been a LONG time since I posted ANYTHING about our family.  Shame. on. me. for getting so far behind.

First a couple of updates:
~ Brianna said her first prayer!  We were kneeling together as a family when suddenly I realized that she had just "hummed" a prayer with a few syllables added in for effect.  But the intonations were right on, right down to the drawn-out, "A-MEN!"  When we tell her to say her prayers, we usually keep it simple - to thank you, I love you, Amen.  So -- that was a FUN night!
~ Isaac has a few new Isaac-isms.  For one, he has started randomly stopping us during the day or night or whatever and saying, "Mom?" "Yes, Isaac?" "You know I love you the whole world?" "I love you, too, Isaac." "Yeah. I know."  He sounds so disinterested at that moment it is almost laughable!  Another favorite is he has started saying, "Don't freak out" or "Just don't freak out" in random conversation, in answer to unrelated questions, or just when he is playing with his sisters.  And it makes me laugh every single time.  I have even been prone to asking him multiple questions just to keep getting his answer in the same disinterested tone of voice he throws out there sometimes.
~ Abby has started really noticing everyone and everything -- and is sure to correct everyone when they do something that is "a bad choice" (including mom and dad).  She is one of those children I can count on to ALWAYS tell me the truth - even if she's in trouble for whatever it is she admits to.  And she has the most tender heart.  The other day while Isaac was sleeping, Brianna woke up and I took her into Abby's room to play quietly with her while Isaac finished his nap.  I said, 'Abby - Brianna wants to play with you!"  She got a really excited look on her face and said, "Mommy - and you want to play with me, too?"  I almost cried!  And absolutely went in to play with her!  Abby is totally and completely potty trained.  She'll even wake up sometimes to go potty and can be in a diaper all day and never go potty in it once!  She's pretty serious about it, actually, and pretty defiant when you even suggest that she went potty in her diaper.

And now for something I have really been thinking about lately.

I love words!  Love words!  Can you tell from reading my blog?  I am overly verbose to a fault, so much so that you might not guess how many times I thoughtfully review anything and everything I write before I post it for public eyes.  Sometimes I just write -- but I am also prone to censoring myself and editing myself to make sure I have not left any room for doubt or even criticism.  Not that that's entirely possible because I'm way more human than I like to admit and as imperfect as they come.  But I DO TRY.  I have been that way for longer than I can remember.

I would like to say that I do that because I don't want to offend.  But I think the bigger truth is that I don't want to be judged - to have something written that I can't take back, that might paint a negative (real) picture of me that I don't want other people to have or something that captures a time and a thought and a process in my life that even I don't want to remember.  Because I am -- totally and completely human and imperfect on even my best days.  On my mission, one of my companions called me on it and told me that I wasn't perfect.  I angrily told her that I KNEW I wasn't perfect, to which she calmly and lovingly replied, "Yes. But you don't accept it.  And therefore it keeps you from fully accepting the atonement of Christ for YOUR imperfections."

That hurt.  But it was a good hurt.

I have had many moments where my children bring this back to my attention -- how imperfect I am, that they are catching and ABSORBING everything I do, everything I say.  This came to me full-force this last weekend when I caught MYSELF saying that the kids were "freaking out" and it was driving me crazy.  I realized that "I" was the source of Isaac's new favorite phrase.  And it made me wonder how many times I had used it.  And what else I had said that he had been picking up on in pieces and would soon have so ingrained in his mind that it would become HIS phrase, HIS action, HIS attitude.  It was a sobering, sobering thought.

In the midst of this thought, I had an experience with a friend who posted a comment in a Facebook group and was completely ripped to shreds for her comment/opinion.  The aftermath was a twist and turn of events that got worse and worse as pieces were added and taken away from it.  But the context of that conversation left me pondering as much as the conversation itself.  A 14-year-old girl took her life this last weekend - and changed a family and community forever.

It took me back to a funeral I attended not long ago of a man I revered and admired in every possible way.  He had also taken his own life.  And the feelings surrounding that were difficult to grasp.  But the wise Stake President (church leader) who spoke at the funeral service shared a quote about how the battles raging in the quiet rooms of mens hearts are the greatest battles raging anywhere.  It was more eloquent than that, so I ask your forgiveness for not knowing or being able to locate the source and actual quote.  But I know that is a very true principle.  We do not, cannot, will not have the capacity to see into the great battles men and women fight inside their minds and hearts every single day.  And some people - myself included so many times in the last few years - are literally fighting every single day for their very souls, for their very lives, for every breath and step they take in a world that may never even know those battles exist or its effect on them.

So let me try and tie a bow on these jumbled and seemingly disconnected thoughts.

A song that has impacted me deeply from the moment I heard it is from the musical "Into the Woods."  There are MANY thought-provoking songs and one-liners in that musical, and it is very worth the time to watch it if you have no idea what I am talking about.  But there is one song that resonated in my soul, moved me to tears, and even gave me nightmares from the first time I heard it.

Careful the things you say, Children will listen.
Careful the things you do, Children will see. And learn.
Children may not obey, But children will listen.
Children will look to you For which way to turn, To learn what to be.
Careful before you say, "Listen to me." Children will listen.

Careful the wish you make, Wishes are children.
Careful the path they take-Wishes come true, Not free.

Careful the spell you cast, Not just on children.
Sometimes the spell may last Past what you see, And turn against you...

Careful the tale you tell. That is the spell.
Children will listen...


Though I would NEVER put another person's choices at the feet of those around them, I do think that every day of life we are given to live can be such a great gift to ourselves, our spouses, our children, our friends, our associates.  LIFE can be such a great gift.  And such a great opportunity. An opportunity to respect, to forgive, to build, to elevate, to encourage, to flood . . . with love. An opportunity to suspend harsh judgments, to suspend criticism and unkind words, to suspend doubt and fear, to suspend an expectation of perfection that no one can EVER live up to, not even those expecting it of themselves and others.  An opportunity to BE REAL about being real and give other people permission to be and do the same without fearing judgments and unrealistic expectations that set them up for failure every. single. time.  Our children are listening . . . and learning . . . and becoming TODAY! And the best news of all -- the very best news of all -- is that we are given a new day every day to be a little bit better than we were the day before. So I commit to you that I will try to use it more wisely -- and make today and every day, with all of my imperfections, a GIFT!