Please, Mom

Abby in the middle of the night last night: Mom - Beenana cwying.  Please feed her, mom.  Mom?  Please, mom - please feed her!

Me: I'm working on it, Ab - thanks for worrying so much about her.  Now go back to sleep.

Abby: Okay, Mom.  Goodnight, Mom!  I love you, Momma!

Me: I love you, too, Abby!

What a sweetie!

Isaac this mornin with a hair claw in his hand - he walked up to me and said, "Mom - what's that?" as he tried to pinch it onto my skin.
Me: Ow, Isaac - that hurts!
Isaac, as he pats my arm: Sorry Mom - sorry!

Isaac in my brother's arms just before they closed the casket this morning - my brother sobbing: Uh-oh.  What the matter? It okay, Owun - it okay!
He wiped his cheek with his hand and patted his arm.

What a sweetie!

Moments after I found out my grandma was going to pass away in a matter of hours, I walked into the kitchen behind my children - both headed eagerly to the pantry to get their Vitamin C.  I was sobbing.  Their eager shrills of excitement stopped abruptly when they turned around and saw the uncontrollable tears streaming down my cheeks.

Abby: Uh-oh!  Mommy - what happen?  You okay?  C'mere. It okay, sweetie!  It okay!
She gave me a huge, tender bear hug and put her cheek against mine as she took her little hand to wipe the tears away.  I smiled/laughed and gave her a big hug and said thank you!

Isaac: Mom - it's okay, Mommy!  It's okay.  What wong?

Me: Guys, Great-grandma is really sick.  She's at the hospital with the doctors, but she is really sick.  Really sick.

Abby (very matter-of-factly): Gate gamma sick - need to go doctor.  Her ear hurt - need medicine.  Need go doctor.

I laughed and said, "She is at the doctor, Abby, but it looks like she is going to go to live with Heavenly Father for a while to wait for us in heaven."

Abby took a second to process it and then said, "Mom - lets go - lets go find him [her]."

They are so great!  I love them so much!

Remember

I don't have a lot of time, but my heart is full and I want to write something.  I just got back from meeting with my cousins and aunt to dress and prepare my grandma's body for burial.  When I walked in and saw her laying there, I broke!  It't the first time I have seen here since coming - and as I reached down to touch her hand - it was so cold - hard and cold.  And very puffy for grandma's thin, veiny hands. 

I was missing her smile, missing her laughter, missing her warmth - I was missing her asking me where the twins are, saying, "Did you come alone?  Well, where are my babies?" and then adding, with the largest smile and fullest laugh, "There they are!  Haaaaiiiii!"  Now you know where Abby gets it! ;-D 

I was missing her seeing Brianna in my hands and immediately saying, "I get the baby - bring her here!" so she would be sure to beat my mom to her and let everyone in the room know that she had dibbs!  I missed the song she always sang -- it went like this, "A deedly-dee dee dee dee dy dee do . . . do du diddle dee dee dee diddle diddle dy dee do," and she sang it with a huge smile on her face and in her voice.  She bounced the babies on her lap as she sang it, and when she would get a smile, she would laugh and say, "There it is! I got one - I got a smile - there!  Can I get another one?  Here we go!  A deedly-dee . . . "  And she could play like that with them for 15 minutes before switching to a song that didn't take so much out of her to hold them up and bounce them on her lap.  So she would arm and leg dance with them while singing hyms - "There is Sunshine in my Soul Today" or "Count Your Many Blessings" or songs from her time like Skiddly-dnk a Dink a Dink, skilldy dink a doo . . . I love you!" among so many others.

I missed her laughter to tears -- or an occasional accident in her pants, which was also very, very common for her (but don't tell her I said so - shhhhhh!).  I was missing her calling me Mindy as she asked me to hand her something or help her put her shoes back on her feet or to get out of her chair, zip or tie closed the back of her dresses, help her curl her hair, and so much more! 

I missed her talking to me about books she has read lately or the latest remedy she read in Reader's Digest or one of the MANY spam mail catalogs she got in her mail and ATE UP as only a 94-year-old woman could (and the marketing company itself could bank on)! 

I missed her talking to me about her memories of Grandpa or growing up as a child with her parents. 

Yes, I even missed the daily updates on the lives of the neighbors, whose stories she could sometimes tell better than they could themselves.  She had a front-row-seat, after all, in front of her huge dining room and living room windows!  And more than one teenager was a little chagrined to find she had been watching intently to see when they snuck out and call and let their parents know they were gone!

Yes, in that moment I realized that I wasn't hearing or seeing any of those things.  It was starkly empty and void of Grandma's presence - laughter, singing, jokes, smiles, stories, experiences, shared knowledge.  And I cried at the shock - at the reality as it sank deep into my soul and landed almost with an echo in the silent void in my heart.

However, the spirit of the reason we were there soon filled it in a little.  I remembered again. 

I remembered that we have covenants that we have made with God and promises with those covenants that bind us together as a family. 

I remembered that she was not there - but she is not lost.  I know exactly where she is.  And I know more or less what she is doing.  I don't hope it - I know it!  I know her spirit has left her body and her soul is separated for a time.  But I know that spirit has joined the spirits of those she loves and has loved so dearly and that it is very busy enjoying those acquaintances and catching up on lost time and laughing, embracing, visiting, singing, bouncing, perhaps even dancing with her spirit's legs instead of her body's hands that she used to use to compensate for her body's feeble, aging legs.

And I know that the day will come when her beautiful body will be rejoined with her infinitely more beautiful spirit - her soul will be whole once again, and I will have an opportunity to hug her again and not feel stone - to hold her hand and not feel ice.  I will get to see her hold and love and adore and cherish my children again with those same warm hands one day.  I will hear her voice join there's in the most beautiful duets, filled with music and laughter and smiles!  And I will hear and see her kneel and pray with them and tell them goodnight and that she loves them!

How grateful beyond words I am today that my heart has been able to take so many wonderful pictures with Gandma that I can draw on at any time to remember and feel her. How grateful I am that I know that my Redeemer lives and because of that so will she . . . so will I . . . so will my grandpa and all the rest of the people I have ever witnessed pass on ahead of me to the next life.  We will live again through the atonement and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  And we will live again together through the covenants we have been able to make because of the restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ in these latter days of the world.

And last of all I was reminded of my stewardship in having known and interracted so much, so often with this wonderful woman: I have an added responsibility to my children to help their hearts remember the pictures they have taken in the moments I have witnessed, and the ones that I have not.  It's my job to bring it out and help them see and feel and remember as much, as often as I can.  And I will, Grandma -- I will!  They may not remember you as they are now, but I will make sure that they never forget what it was that you gave them to remember: your love!

I love you - I love you!  I'm sorry!  And thank you!

Some Pining Moments, Some Shining Moments

Today I'm missing the simple days, the simple things, the simplicity of life back when we couldn't wait to get through it because it was all going to "get easier and be better." (I tried to warn him that wasn't the case! But when he makes his mind up about things, he is one.determined.man.) :-) We had fewer bills, fewer commitments, fewer distractions, fewer worries, fewer miles between us every day.  We played more games, went on more walks, talked more often, worked together on more projects, met more often in the middle of the day just because, laughed more often, cooked together more often, ate together more often.  We had more friends, more opportunities for service just laid at our feet, more feeling like we were needed and a part of something bigger than just us, more hikes, more campouts.  We had fewer children, which meant less joy on the one hand because Brianna has blessed our lives beyond measure or expression, but we were also equally yoked to the task of the children we DID have, and therefore able to do more individually and together than what we are able to do as easily now.  And we had more opportunities to go to the temple (Dave's sister lives in Spokane).

And as I think about these things, I am reminded of the verse of scripture written by Alma, an ancient prophet whose writings are recorded in the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Christ.  Alma begins by saying that he wishes he were an angel and could speak with the trump of God to cry repentance and God's plan of redemption to all people, telling them to come unto God and thereby avoid the sorrow that comes when we do not follow Christ and His ways.  Then he says, "But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me."

So today as I am remembering DIFFERENT times, I am reminding myself that they were not BETTER times.  And that where I am now, even though I may seek for righteous things and memories and friends, etc., well I can make the same mistake I made before in longing for a future something that I thought would bring me joys greater than my present something.  Or I can be content with the time and circumstances allotted to me NOW!

And one thing experience has taught me is that today's pining moments may easily be tomorrow's longed-for regrets.

I have a song from the LDS hymnal running through my head as I write this.  The words are:

Improve the shining moments,Don’t let them pass you by;
 Work while the sun is radiant;Work, for the night draws nigh.
 We cannot bid the sunbeams to lengthen out their stay; 
Nor can we ask the shadow to ever stay away.
  

Time flies on wings of lightning, we cannot call it back;
 It comes, then passes forward along its onward track;
 And if we are not mindful,The chance will fade away; 
For life is quick in passing—’Tis as a single day.
 
As winter time doth follow the pleasant summer days, 
So may our joys all vanish, and pass far from our gaze.Then should we not endeavorEach day some point to gain,That we may here be useful,And ev’ry wrong disdain. 

Improve each shining moment;In this you are secure,
 For promptness bringeth safety,And blessings rich and pure.

Let prudence guide your actions,

be honest in your heart,

And God will love and bless you,

And help to you impart.

Among the shining moments of today was a moment this morning.  I had just finished dressing Brianna and, as is our custom with our children, said, 'Look, Daddy!' To which Daddy always replies, "Wow!  You're so pretty (handsome!)!"  So today, after I said my line and Dave said his, Isaac (who was just getting his diaper changed before getting dressed for church) jumped up and ran over to where I was holding Brianna up and gave her the sweetest little side hug all while saying in a high-pitched and very sweet voice, "Brianna - are you pretty, cute girl?  Huh, Brianna?  So pretty?"  It was such a tender moment!

We made cookies for a friend in the ward who just had surgery this last week, and the twins drew cards with their handprints and beautiful scribbles on them, me writing Get Well, Love Abby across the top of one and Soon, Love Isaac across the top of the other.  Then we made another card/plate of cookies for our bishop who was home sick from church today.

And with the recent increase in cookie-making around here, I would like to report that Isaac has learned to share.  After I told him no he couldn't have any more cookies a couple of times (like at least five) and then left the room to work on something else for a minute, Dave reported that Isaac found his way into the office, cookie in hand, tore it into two pieces, and dutifully shared 1/2 of it with his sister before Dave and I caught onto what he was doing and the fact that he had just climbed up onto the counter and TAKEN the largest cookie there!  He's a slick little thief!  And he shared!  *ohhhhhhh*  I'm sure that was part of his cookie-napping scheme -- disobey mom with sugar on top of the disobedience: she isn't going to punish you for sharing! ;-D He's smart -- just brilliant!

Oh, and today during Sacrament Meeting he was sitting on my lap when they passed the sacrament around (bread and water in remembrance of the blood and body of Christ).  He said, "Mommy, more bread, please."  I shook my head silently.  He continued, "Mommy, more sandwich."  I said, "Isaac - it's not a sandwich, it's the Sacrament." I was CERTAIN he would get that it was SPECIAL and stop asking with such an explanation, right?  He didn't hesitate a second before saying, "Mommy, more Sacrament, please."  Cute, cute, cute little man!!!

Mommy, I WET!!!

We went to a birthday party today.  My first ever (that I can remember) in a pizza/game place - or any public place for that matter. There were TONS of people there -- lots of games for people to do.  It was . . . okay, I'm not going to lie.  It was overwhelming and made me think that I never, never, never want to have a birthday party for any of my kids in a place like that!  The amazing hostess paid for pizza and salad and drinks for EVERYONE -- plus tokens to play the games there.  And the super cute cake from Costco.  And then as we're leaving, she whips out these little baggies of goodies for each of the kids that came - candy, water pistols, bubbles, etc.  Whoa!  Since when did you give US something for coming to celebrate YOUR son's birthday party?  Especially after YOU paid for food, drinks, AND game tokens?  I asked her if that was normal - she said they'd always done it at every birthday party she had ever been to with her kids.  This is a mixed-up world!  I've never seen or heard of that being done among ANY of my friends in Idaho.  Must be a California thing.  Thank people who came to your child's birthday party.  Hmmmm . . . I don't get it.  But she was so gracious and did such an amazing job!

Highlight of the party?  Abby spilled her drink on her pants.  Then she told me.  Then I told her it was okay and it would dry.  Then I got food and drinks and utensils for everyone and was just about to sit down when I looked across the table and saw Abby standing on her chair, taking her pants off.  The strangers around us noticed. And giggled. And commented on her little stiriptease for the birthday party. And that she apparently needed to go to the bathroom and didn't care where she was or who was looking. I tried to explain that she spilled water and really doesn't like to be wet at ALL - like even a few drops of water on her sleeve make her change her shirt - yep tried to explain all of that as I ran around the table to her to pull her pants back on, and she just kept saying over and over, "Mommy, I WET!" Poor girl - she almost started to cry.  Then I grabbed the napkins and started to try to soak up the drink.  It worked - she left her pants on. Thank goodness.

Whew - I guess that wasn't as funny on paper as I thought.  But it was funny in the moment.  Really. I promise. 

Venting -- and Keeping it Real . . .

I love the quote, 'Be the change you wish to see in the world." by Gandhi

How many times do you look at the world around you and think, "Man - if only we had _________" or maybe even, "It is just too ______ to ______, if we could ______, it would be SO PERFECT!!!"

I have had those moments a LOT -- and I mean LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT -- since I moved here to California.  And for the last seven months, I have felt defeated at every turn, like things I could normally handle were impossible.  Small suggestions like, "Take your kids to story time at Barnes and Nobles" almost leave me in TEARS thinking about going to something like that with one child strapped to my belly and two loose cannons exploding faster than I could run after/catch up to them.  People say, "Take your kids to the park" - um, same problem, open/uncontained space to contend with - you can only run SO FAST with an infant strapped to your belly!  Put her in her carseat in your hands, and you are even MORE limited. Add in parking lots and busy streets within 100-500 feet of you, and serious anxiety sets in!

And everyone always seems to have "answers" that seem so obvious and they just can't see why I'm not just doing it already.  Preschool, swimming lessons, gymnastics, music lessons of some sort, all of these things that other people with children the twins' ages are doing . . . most of them are Mommy and Me classes with one-on-one parent involvement requirements.  Not to mention the expense of two rather than one (a 10% discount isn't much of a facilitator I'm afraid).  Even play groups, which is what people always suggest, they would work for the twins but would totally throw Brianna's entire schedule off and really stress me out just thinking about having to work that hard to get her back in sync when my two-year-olds aren't even sleeping through the night yet and I'm struggling every minute to have enough breastmilk to feed my baby and enough energy to see to all of their other needs.  Moving location to something unfamiliar with two bundles of energy ready to eagerly explore every nook and cranny and me having to spend twice as much time being on top of all that they are doing is really more work than it's worth -- and usually means giving up something I have worked every minute to just have in place on the home front.

I'm not looking for excuses, just being real.  Add in the INTENSE heat and lack of all things trees, paved walkways with shade for people to go to, allergies, etc. -- I have been so . . . bumbed out at the thought of life HERE for the next three years.

Even typing this, I am actually crying.  I know it may seem strange, but it is really, really crazy hard sometimes. And I really, really am not trying to make excuses as much as I just wish that someone, somewhere, would recognize that it's a whole different ball game with three so young, in a new place, with no family involvement and your husband 45 minutes away and virtually untouchable at a new job.  We can't afford a babysitter, and there's really only one young woman who ever offers to help anyway (a 12-year old girl named Chloe -- you don't exactly leave three small children with a 12-year-old for extended periods of time).  All the adults that I talk to, hoping they will offer to help/rescue me for an afternoon or an hour, always just suggest getting a babysitter to take some time out for me.  Thank you -- who do you suggest I get and how do you suggest I pay for it and -- oh, yeah -- why do I want to spend money organizing something that leaves me all by myself out of the house when I spend all day, every day by myself inside my house?

Okay - done venting.  Time to get back to . . . just loving my kids and my life and my reality right now. And giving myself the pep talk that this won't last forever and someday I'll look back and long for the simplicity of these years.

Mom? Where are You?

Best moment of the day would be really hard to pick most days.  But among the top today was when Isaac came home from Young Men's with Dave and ran through the house screaming, "Mom!?!?  Where are you, Mom?  Mom?"  Once he found me putting Brianna to sleep, he jumped on the bed really excited-like and then looked around with a slight confused expression on his face.  "Where's Abby?"

I LOVE beyond words that in just the few hours he was gone, he missed us and asked for me first and then Abby!  Best feeling in the world!

I would also have to add here that Dave told me that when they got to the church, Isaac asked him to take him to the bathroom to go potty.  And he took him. AND he went potty!  And we still haven't started "trying" to potty train him yet.  Things are looking up.  First time he used a public bathroom down . . . millions and billions to go!

Speaking of Baby Showers . . .

Okay, even if you WEREN'T, I have been!  See, here's the deal:

A girl who moved into the ward just after we did is having a baby boy any day now. It's her first - she doesn't have hardly anything and, obviously, she doesn't really know anyone. They are considering cloth diapers, so she needs money more than diapers, but they really don't have that much in terms of the bigger needs, either. I want to have a fun shower, but I also want it to DO something, more than just the usual games and presents thing. So . . . ideas? She doesn't have a theme for the baby/room - just trying to get what they need on a small income, and jury's still out on if he'll come early or not.

Prayer for Great Grandma

My 94-year-old grandma is in the hospital again!  Nothing serious -- she is often there for one thing or another and then quickly (as in the usual 12-hour ER visit quickly) sent home.  Abby came in and saw my phone and said she wanted to talk to Grandma.  I said, "She's in the hospital with Great Grandma.  Great Grandma is sick."  Abby said she wanted to talk to Great Grandma.  So we called, and Abby got to talk to both of them.

Then Great Grandma started to cough.  Abby immediately said, "You okay, gate gamma?"  She told Abby that yes, she was okay, just had some things in her lungs.  Then Grandma asked Abby to sing Great Grandma a song.  Abby sang "I Love to See the Temple" - then immediately she started to whisper a prayer and then said, "Prayer, Great Grandma?"  Both grandmas said okay and Abby said her usual prayer - "Heavenly Father, thank-oo this day; thank-oo me famee, please bless" and then I cut her off and told her to bless Great Grandma to get better, and she did, and she ended her prayer.  It was very, very sweet!  She was so proud!

I'm thankful she got to have an experience so young where she got to pray with someone for their needs in the moment when she found out they had some.  She doesn't know that yet, but with practice and time, she'll learn to understand!  And I'm thankful that her inclination to pray came so naturally and was offered so freely!  She's such a tender spirit!  I'm really lucky because in all honesty, even with their usual tantrums and independence and grumpiness and bossiness that comes out sometimes (okay, often actually), they really are both tender, tender spirits!

My Fearsome Threesome

Life moves on so quickly!  And it is so easy to get lost in the middle of it all and forget that time is moving forward, you aren't just standing still; you aren't just treading water; you aren't just enduring and waking up at the end where you started.  I look at my family - my children in particular - and am so amazed at how much, how quickly, they change!  Just a few things I want to remember one day because, as I've often been reminded lately -- Childhood doesn't last forever!

Abby's hair is getting SO LONG!  It is so pretty with it's little waves and curls!  She loves to comb her hair with anything - comb, brush, pick, whatever she can find - and say, "That bo-tee-foal! So pitty!"  And it is beautiful! So pretty! Even better is the glow in her eyes and the way her face transforms when she says it!  You have never seen anything so truly BEAUTIFUL!  I hope she always has that confidence and glow! I hope no one ever makes her question it or makes her cry because of it!

Isaac is usually quick to join in, "Yeah, Ab, pretty!" And he gets the cutest smile on his face as well.  Just tender, sweet comments for his sisters. The other day I had Brianna in a dress and Isacc walked in the room and saw her and said, "Brianna! You're so pretty, cute girl! Yeah. Pretty!"  It made me smile!  But not as much as it made me smile when he tried on Abby's very FULL slip one Sunday afternoon - he insisted that he get to try it on, crying when I took it away.  I finally gave in - I didn't really have any reason not to - and he ran down the hall saying, "Cute!  Yeah!  I cute!"  The fact that the slip barely covered his diaper because his legs are SO much longer than Abby's only made the moment that much more KODAK!!!  Wish we had THAT on video for his dating years! :-)

Two days ago, Abby was playing with Isaac's bear.  She grabbed a tissue from the tissue box and had torn it into small pieces.  I looked away for a second and when I looked back, she had draped the tissues on the bear and then looked at me, her face squinting and her mouth open in the cutest little triumphant smile/laugh and said, "Wow - that BO-tee-foal, Mom!"  Isaac quickly grabbed the bear and said, "No! My bear!" and tore the tissue off, and Abby looked like she didn't quite know what to do as she glanced at the torn tissue on the ground. She had been so proud - I really wanted to cry!  But she took it really well, her expression quickly changed from hurt to casual acceptance, she picked up the tissue paper and went on her way, playing with something else.

There are days I am amazed by their love and tenderness with each other; and there are days I see the bully brother and the tender-hearted sister.  And there are days when she will tackle that boy to the ground in .2 seconds flat EVERY.TIME.SHE.TRIES.  Sometimes she is the tender mother, hugging him when he cries or gets disappointed, "Are you okay, Isaac? Uh-oh, what happened?  Come 'ere!"  Sometimes she is the bossy mother, "Isaac - come 'ere right now . . . 1, 2, 3.  Right now, Isaac!"  He has his share of the little boss and the protective brother, too - don't get me wrong.  One of my favorite moments was last week when Dave told Isaac for quite literally the sixth time that he needed to stop or start doing something - I don't remember what.  Abby looked at Dave and said, "Daddy - don't spank Isaac any more!"  How could we help but laugh at that?  I promise he isn't an abused child! ;-D  And in the end I am reminded that they are incredibly special, incredibly bright, incredibly talented, incredibly loving -- but they are still just siblings, just human, and experiencing all of the emotions that come with it.  I'm trying to learn how to encourage the love to grow, how to weed out the bossy moments and nurture the tender ones, but some days that is also hard to know how to handle and what to do - or sometimes to even think about it in the midst of just living.  Cuz in the end, I'm just human, too! :-)

Brianna is so big!  There is nothing that makes my heart smile like seeing her face smile - watching her legs start to kick wildly and her eyes get really big and excited when I walk into the room!  I love to make her laugh!  And she has the cutest little, short, almost gasping giggle!  It's not full-blown laughter very often.  It rarely lasts longer than two seconds at a time.  It's just a quick giggle or shrill of laughter - but always, always, always there is her sweet and tender smile, so easily won, so freely given, such complete and utter heart-melting material!

Her face is so round right now!  She's like a soft, silky little airy marshmallow!  It's so fun to see and to feel her face and snuggle her close as she nestles into me!  Tonight she was fussing and Dave picked her up.  She calmed a bit but not completely.  Then I went in and she looked at me and started to "talk" to me, so I picked her up.  That was it. She nestled close, put her cheek next to mine, and was just as content as could be.  I said, "You're right, Dave, she really is momma's little girl."  He said, "Yes she is - but that's okay cuz I have her whole life to change that!"  PUNK!  He's right, though -- Abby is Daddy's little girl - whether he's wrestling, having a tickle war, pulling her around on his leg, whatever - she cannot get enough of him!  She smothers him with kisses and conquers him with hugs.  She gives the BEST bear hugs you have EVER received!  The other day she took his face between both her hands and got right up close and kissed his lips and said, "I love you, Daddy!"  And every night afternoon for her nap or night after prayer, I tuck her and she calls after me, "I love you, Mamma!  Mom?  I love you!"  I love you, too, Abby!  More than you know!  Tonight she started crying, and I just went in and held her for a minute and covered her face and hair with kisses and rubbed her back and told her it was okay!  I LOVE those moments!

This afternoon I told the twins to choose a book for us to read.  Abby picked a counting book and started to read it to ME.  Isaac got an Arthur book - yes, a young reader version that has very few pictures and too many words/pages.  He sat by me on the sofa and laid his little head on my shoulder and listened.  And then he started to talk like he was in the middle of a very grown-up conversation. Finally, he had HAD it.  He looked up at me and growled right into my face -- and then the little puppy dog was off to find the fire engine and save the world!  He has such an amazing imagination!

The other day I realized he had been quiet for longer than I was comfortable with.  I called as I walked through the house, "Isaac.  I--saac!  Where are you?"  I heard the teasing reply, "I no know!"  I kept the game going.  "What? Where are you?"  "I no kno-oooow!"  I found him under a laundry basket in his bedroom, quietly hiding for who knows how long, waiting for me to come and "seek" him out.  He often plays hide and seek, and often with the laundry basket!  He can play by himself forever, and then when he gets tired of that he will come and find me or Abby or Brianna and play by himself next to us.  Sometimes - often, really - they play together.  But he really is good with either situation.  And when he decides to be cute and tender and soft and loving - he IS cute and tender and soft and loving!

And when Brianna sees Isaac and Abby or hears them playing or they stand around the bouncy seat and play with her and talk to her and push her seat (sometimes a LOT too hard), she is just enthralled.  She's quick to let them know when she has had it - but she is also quick to forgive when they have been too rough.  Her eyes get so big, just in awe of everything they do and all the love they give her.  And I am learning to not protect her too much and make them feel like the bad guys.  They are almost always just as concerned as I am when their play gets too hard or not mindful enough of her as it should be and she starts to cry.  Isaac is almost always first to say sorry or ask her what happened.  And if I pick her up to rescue her, he always asks me to put her back so he can keep playing with her.

He also loves to hold her -- they both do, but he seems to request it more than Abby does, though Abby will stay with it longer when she does "hold" Brianna.  I am learning that I don't give them that opportunity often enough.  And they EAT IT UP every time I do.

And when Brianna boogies on my lap, she's as limber as Michael Jackson -- she has some smooth moves!  And she loves every second of it!  And Abby and Isaac always ask to boogie, too!  But they're not as easy to hold and zip and zoom across the room.  Today I was doing a workout video in my room while the girls slept and Isaac played in the living room.  Pretty soon he came to find me.  After a few seconds of trying to follow the moves and moving my handweights from here to there a few times, he said, "Mommy - I wanna watch exercise movie!  I want watch the music!"  I've got singing, dancing stars on my hands.  I LOVE it!

Scrooge Meets Valentine's Day

So remember when you were (perhaps still are) single and had anti-Valentine's Day parties with all of your girlfriends and non-boyfriend boys who were your friends to just get together and celebrate (with a hint of longing and bitterness) that you were single and unattached and therefore NOT going to waste your time on a silly holiday about LOVE unless you got to have a party to make fun of it?  Love-schmove, right?  Well, I'm NOT single.  And as I was making dinner last night while Dave read over the lesson he was teaching in church today, we suddenly had the following conversation:

Dave: Melinda, we need to talk about our Valentine's Day budget/plans.
Me: (wondering where in the WORLD that came from and where in the WORLD it was going since I wasn't aware we HAD a Valentine's budget category OR plans) Uh-huh?
Dave: Yeah, like I don't want to spend ANY money on this holiday.
Me: (staring at him for a long time to try and determine if this is a trick because he already spent money on me but doesn't want to be outdone or . . .) Are you being serious?
Dave: Yeah. I mean, really, look at what this holiday has turned into - people thinking they have to go out and spend ridiculous amounts of money on candy and flowers and dinner and jewelry and who knows what?  No!  That's not what love is about.  So I think we shouldn't spend any money.  We can get a babysitter to watch the kids while we go for a walk or something, but I don't want to buy into all the commercialism surrounding "love."
Me: (amused, not gonna lie - and with all that has been going on the last few weeks, I hadn't really given the day any thought yet) Okay - sounds good to me.  I really hadn't thought about it yet, but I don't mind not spending money.
Dave: Okay, good.
Me: Okay, good.

Is it strange that I totally get where he's coming from and really, really, really DON'T mind NOT spending money on THE day of buy or make people things to show them you LOVE them?  Or do I really secretly WANT him to have gotten me a gift or to give me permission to do something romantic for him that would require me spending money to either have something to give or to buy the stuff I need to make something to give?  Does this mean we are Valentine's Day SCROOGES or say something about our relationship?  I would say it says we're cheap if it was me that came up with the idea cuz - frankly - until we are 100% debt-free, done with Dave's education, done having children, settled and more established, I am CHEAP about all things spending money.  But Dave -- Dave isn't.  Dave's the one that talked me into working fun money for each other AND our family into our budget.  He isn't cheap.  He's frugal - sometimes with some friendly persuasive reminders from yours truly, but he isn't cheap. 

Overthinking - totally overthinking!

Hmmmm . . . I wonder how we'll feel about it in 10, 25, 50 years down the road? :-0

Mary Poppins Day

No, we didn't watch Mary Poppins or sing "A Spoonful of Sugar" as my kids took medicine or end up on the ceiling because we were laughing our heads off at nothing in particular.  But today was a Mary Poppins Day -- Practically Perfect in EVERY Way. 

We didn't get up early.  The kids actually slept in until after 8:00 this morning. And since Dave and I had sat and watched a movie last night - Citizen Kane, a cultural classic that neither of us was familiar with - it was just wonderful to get to enjoy that moment AND not have to pay for it this morning.

Dave took Isaac and got the oil changed in the car and picked up a shampooer to shampoo Abby and Isaac's carpets from all the "oops" moments Abby has had in her "I'm-determined-to-take-off-my-diaper-every-time-I-go-to-the-bathroom-or-simply-want-to-take-it-off-and-pee-on-the-floor" moments.  They had a marvelous time shopping together. 

Abby and I had a mommy/Abby morning. I fed Brianna just before they left and put her down for a nap and then Abby and I showered (since she got tubes in her ears, she takes showers with me instead of baths - so we try to make it kind of fun for her since she doesn't get to play with toys in the tub any more), drew flowers and squares and houses and cars and buses on the chalkboard, made homemade pizza for everyone for lunch, and cuddled for a few minutes.

I caught up with some friends on the phone, which was VERY fun! Doing so always makes me thankful for my many blessings - paramount of which are GOOD FRIENDS - and determined to do better in so many ways.

Everyone took a nice. long. winter's. nap. (minus the winter because we live in the desert and winter exists for just two weeks of the year here).  It was really nice since we have all been sick for the last three days (I literally spent the last three days in bed and was SO THANKFUL that Dave had hours saved up to take some time off of work and give me some R&R - or as close to R&R as you get when you have allergies on top of two-week flu and are still nursing a baby who also has the allergies and flu). ;-D

We made caramel popcorn and Dave read the lesson outline for the lesson he is teaching in church tomorrow OUT LOUD so we could both hear it and benefit and discuss.  I LOVE those moments with him!

We rented two movies from Redbox - Despicable Me and A Golden Christmas - and got my picnic quilt out and had a caramel popcorn and Sun Chips picnic on the floor with the kids.  It was SO FUN! Especially since I got to hold Brianna through a good part of it and dance with her and watch her face light up as she giggled and squealed with laughter ever time we "boogy-boogy-boogy"-ed to the music on the movie or just from whatever I made up in my head.  I mean, you would make things up during a movie too, if you got to see her smiles and delight every time you did it!

Dave shampooed the floors while I entertained and fed and went back and forth between children.

The kids are having a slumber party in the living room while their carpets dry. We read stories, sang some silly songs, read scriptures, sang "I Love to See the Temple" (STILL their favorite and #1 requested song night after night after night), had prayers, and got them to bed in less than 30 MINUTES!  That's a RECORD, I think, for most nights when they aren't in their own rooms/beds and are out of their routines.

Dave and I reviewed some journal and blog entries/memories from our first year of marriage for the scrapbook/story we are putting together before we get much further behind.

Like I said - it was a Mary Poppins Day!  And now I am going to go plan my week so that I can start tomorrow on a good foot and have a Mary Poppins week!  I have more to write about last week and my trek to Utah for dear Bennett Wilkinson's funeral (the 20-month-old baby boy of one of my oldest and dearest friends), but that will have to wait until tomorrow because my success for the rest of the week is banking on me starting it out RIGHT the FIRST day of it!

Buenas noches, queridos amigos -- Buenas noches!